Just a Saturday funny for my buds on TBP..
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A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’
The Harley rider replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.’
The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?’
The biker replies, I’m a ex-U.S. Marine and a Republican
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
…and THAT pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days…
THAT’S HILARIOUSLY TRUE !!!!
It’s also a sad state of affairs. The MSM … ALL of them from MSNBC, to Fox, to CNN, etc …are fucking whores. They may be whores for the Repubs, or whores for the Dems, or whores for Corporatism, but they are all whores. And dumbfuks, too. Total dumbfuks … doing nothing more than reading prepared scripts from their masters … spewing lie after lie and the same old shit endlessly.
Fuck ’em all!! I HATE those fuckers. All of them.
And THAT is exactly what I have decided to do.
In the past week or so I have decided that I need to make some major life-style changes
One of those changes involves a LOT less television … even if it’s only on “in the background”. Specifically, it involves turning off the “news”. It’s not news. It’s lies. And all that happens when I watch the lying news is that I get pissed off and often it ruins my day. I can get all my news from the internet.
Sooo …. I am proud to say that since posting my travails of being a 308 pound fat fuck about 10 days ago, I proudly anounce that I have NOT watched even ONE MINUTE of news. I can’t tell you how incredibly wonderful the feeling is. I am DONE, totally and completely done with television news, forever. I urge you all to give it a one week trial run. You’ll thank me later.
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PS; This morning I weighed in at 301.3 pounds. Seven pounds gone. Woohoo!! I started out walking 2 miles a day. I’m now at 5 miles. Weight-lifting starts on Monday. I can’t wait to get started on that. Like I said … major life changes.
Stucky
That is awesome news. You’ll be in great shape by the time the SHTF. I’ve sworn off CNBC for the last year. I watch very little news. I do need some comedy. Laughter is important. TOSH.O and Curb Your Enthusiasm are my laughter medicine.
Mike
Good one.
Stucky
There’s a machine, actually nothing but a bunch of bars welded together, at the gym I work out in that is designed only for stretching exercises………neck, shoulders, lower back, whatever. I use it first thing. Works great. Incidentally, do you do stretching exercises AFTER (not before) you walk? If not, you should.
Reality would be more like this if the Biker was from around here and we have quite a few”. He would probably say something more like this.
After I got out of the Army I partied hard all the time and sold dope but I mellowed out as I got older. So now I only party on the weekends and I’m a welder. And my political affiliation is “fuck them all and the cops too”.
The head line reads “Domestic Terrorist assaults public display as little girl is nearly mauled in front of shocked parents”
And if the reporter was the typical female journalist we see on TV the Biker might add “Hey baby you look like a fuckin’ pron star let me see those tits”.
stuck,
You have made a good decision with the tv thing.
I gave up having a tv in my house about five years ago.
So all I have known about what was being sold to the masses on TV, I read about on the internet or the occasional trip to the local saloon, where there is always a big flat screen going behind the bar.
Recently I decided that spending all this time reading on sites like this had turned me into a rather gloomy chap.Thiat maybe a little more light-hearted passive viewing would help me lighten up..
So I broke down and went to wally world and bought a cheap 19″ tv and a rabbit ear antenae.
So for a couple of evenings I watched few shows I had never heard of before. With the exception of THE SIMPSONS I got no real relaxing entertainment value. I sensed an underlying agenda of social manipulation in almost every show
Then came the Iowa Straw Poll results and I happened to catch the ABC news.
I was absolutly livid.
Haven’t turned the fucker on since.
MSMES
porn not pron. dyslexia strikes again. My wife caught this after I sent it . She said I can be so disgusting sometimes. I wanted to say “Hey Baby you still look like a porn star, let me see those tits.”
but I thought about it a second and kept my mouth shut. Can’t leave anything up on the computer screen and walk off for a minute around here.
Maybe this works:
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Faux News, MSNBullCrap, CNBullCrap. Government controlled media at it’s finest. And we want to “spread Democracy” around the world? Let’s try it here first. How about our “free” elections, it’s like going to a restaurant and having a choice between a hamburger made from shit or meatloaf made from shit, (excluding RON PAUL), I don’t want either.
I watch The Office, Parks and Rec. Iron Chef and The Military Channel. Other than that, the T.V. is a good place to hang a wet towel.
@Matt,
C`mon man, post some ..tits ..?? Or SPalin`s mug broadcasted by FUKx for nothing.
cue Salma’s heaving breasts!
Out of range…
cold dead hands, that is where you will have to pry out my remote control.
i love tv. i was raised on tv. i am not giving up tv.
sports. history channel. booktv on cspan on the weekends (american history on cspan too). adult swim. fx comedies (wilfred, louie, it’s always sunny). boxing. jeopardy.
news? you gotta be kidding me. ok, i’ll confess. i do get some news from the tv. daily show and colbert. and now, my cable system provides al jazeera and russia today; i peak at those every now and then.
but there is so much good, fun, entertaining stuff on cable tv. educational too. a true golden age.
just have to avoid the 90% crap to find the small percentage of greatness. kinda like people. and everything else.
Testin` Howie: ?
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Sweet Dreams, Howie !
[img]http://www.myemoticons.com/emoticons/emotions/disappointed/pouty-07195/[/img]
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That`s how you make friends, hehe ….
Ghadaffi an his bodyguard. Grrrrrrrrr…..
Quit watching almost all MSM long ago, was down to Bret Baier on fox. Completely lost all respect for the douche when I saw the look on his face in the Iowa Ron Paul clip.
Is this the only news channel left? Geez.
EF
efarmer
I have to admit Bloomberg news has hotter reporters than Fox. I do flip it on once in awhile. Charlie Rose is good sometimes.