Maybe you two should meet and have some babies together. Their profanity-laden rants could be stuff of legend!
“Hello, can I get these dollar bills changed out for a few twenties? If you could just jam them into my thong that would be great! Kisses.”
I think the question that everyone wants to ask is: “Do the carpets match the drapes?” If the answer was “Yes” then I’m not really sure what my next question would be. What would yours be?
Ohhh what’s up sellout!!! You’re like that guy that breaks up with his girl and just talks mad shit on her for a week straight to all of his friends and then gets back together with her at the drop of a hat. Punk.
What is going on (or how little is going on) in your life that you hit a point where you decide to grow your fingernails this long? Who wants fingernails that curl like ram horns? Fricking weird as hell and literally serves zero purpose.
In this edition of ‘Who Wears It Better’ the secret ingredient is shit. Who wears shit better? Not really anything else I can say about that. Besides that it’s gonna be the shit.
This long hair thing is becoming an epidemic around here! At first I wasn’t sure how it could get worse, then I see you’ve turned your stinky gross hair into a lion’s tail and now it’s even weirder.
Obama is giving away cars now too?!?! Damn I thought I was missing out by not getting an Obama phone but now that I see this I’m actually kinda glad I don’t get anything.
When your hair resembles something that grows wild in a forest I think it’s time to re-do the ‘do!
Looks like the worst game of pool in this bottom biscuits edition of ‘Who Wears it Better’! So, are you playing stripes or solids?
Life lesson for you all out there: Never mess with a chick that looks like she curls Harleys for fun.
Santa always says “Make 7 Up Yours!” – seriously though, this is sad display of promotion. However, it does remind me of a game we played in school called Heads Up 7 Up. Anyone else play that as a kid? Anyone else peek under their desk to see the shoes of the person putting your thumb down?
Let me introduce you to Walmart’s other vision for America, SAM’s Club – where the quantities are larger and so are the parenting failures.
Ohhh! Check out Al Borland’s mother over here. C’mon lady, a picnic area would think you have too much flannel on!
Dear every girl with stupid long hair, your prince is not coming. Rapunzel found the one dude in the world who likes extremely long hair. You are shit out of luck. The only guy that might sing out for you is an excited barber trying to cut that off.
Ok, so here is a story I’m not even creative enough to make up. Here is a pleasant photo of a woman giving birth in Walmart on Black Friday (because that is where every pregnant lady needs to be). Turns out she named the baby Wally, which I like because it’s a mix between Willy the Pimp and Walmart. So ya just to recap: pregnant woman, Black Friday, baby Wally born. America.
Ahhhh yaaaa it’s Cyber Monday everyone, you know what that means! Anyone interested in jumping on AOL Instant Messenger and having cyber sex with me hit me up!…What’s that? That’s not what Cyber Monday is about? People don’t use AIM anymore either? Chat rooms? Nothing? Damn. Well in that case, make sure you buy our new book and new 365 page-a-day calender.
Twins, bikes, condoms, yes yes yes you don’t even have to tell me what it is, the answer is yes I’m in!
Ass cracks and $2 DVDs…that’s what Black Friday at Walmart is all about! If you braved the elements, please send us your pics to firstname.lastname@example.org.