I think I’ve found the person who would hit you because they couldn’t see the enormous sign you posted. That would be so entertaining for me to witness.
If I didn’t know any better I’d say someone is getting geared up to grease up a pig and try to catch it naked…or try to block up their bowels for 6 months, I don’t know. I never bought that much butter or cheese.
You see at first I was all like “Man I gotta grab me some of that old wrinkly cowboy junk!” But then I saw the do not touch sign so I stopped myself. Because if I’m out randomly grabbing on some junk I at least like to be polite and courteous about it.
The family that jammies together stays together? That doesn’t sound right.
Winter looks like it’s gonna be a bitch this year! Damn, no joke, my balls just jumped up into my body because they are scared.
You remember for like 4 days back in the 90′s that wearing your entire thong up over you pants and hips was cool? Yup, so apparently there are only 2 that didn’t get the message it was over. Oh well, we still get to play “Who Wears It Better?”
“You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep.” Once again, when your kid is big enough to dunk a basketball, perhaps they are a little too old to be taking naps in a doggy bed at Walmart.
In case parking illegally in front of 2 handicapped spots wasn’t “F” you enough.
Don’t stuff and pack all that junk in so tightly that it overflows and is hard to control…oh, I’m talking about the cart. What were you guys looking at?
Try picking out a shade that doesn’t make you look like such a slut.
Hey where is Earl?…huh? ToeJam & Earl. The video game…ahh screw all of you!
Still seems too high for that van. Damn used car salesman always trying to screw you.
Ehhhh ohhhh! It’s time for my favorite game Who Wears It Better: Double Trouble Edition. So which odd couple do you give the nod to? Personally I never go against a lone wolves. Wait, that can’t be right. You can’t pluralize lone wolf. Well, it’s sad either way.
The McRib is back!
Hahahaha! Oh my, every single female in their 30′s should stop laughing right now because this is what your hair looked like in the early 90′s. Yeah, remember that? Sorry to ruin your day.
This might be the worst drive-by tragedy since Notorious B.I.G.
I mean, I thought it was a badass limo but apparently everyone else seemed to think me taking it to my grandpa’s funeral was “inappropriate”.
You know what they call female plumbers crack?…gross. They still call it gross, just like a guy’s.
How did I just get molested by a doll? How does society let that happen? Weird dolls and guys in creepy leather just free to roam Walmart violating everyone they pass with creepiness! I won’t stand for it.
Damn! Who are you? Thurman Merman, the little kid from Bad Santa? How many sammiches you need?