Ms. Freud is home today and has refused my pleading to not turn on CNN. However, as a lifelong Catholic (barely active) she flat out insisted on watching the Select-A-Pope spectacle on CNN.
Now, I was raised Catholic also (lapsed over 30 years), so the pomp and circumstance rituals were of no great surprise. What was surprising was my tremendous revulsion at their Other Worldly fantasy … almost to the point of throwing my glass of lemon-carrot juice at the television screen.
A bunch of old fuck men, mostly white, all serial masturbators (unless God changes males hormones to become less horny when faggots devote their lives to Him), wearing funny hats, and …. dresses, acting all solemn and important, as if God gives a fuck who THEY elect as the next Dope …. Errr, Pope. Kind of mind-blowingly absurd once you realize God can’t even hook up two normal humans without the benefit of ChristianMingle.com.
It’s just an all-boys club … complete with secret handshakes, secret oaths, and performing The Nasty in secret with little boys all over the world. It truly reminds me Jackie Gleason’s Moose Lodge on the Honeymooners, … they had secret handshakes too, as stupid little boys are wont to do. Only, these ass-clown Cardinals have an audience of about a billion people waiting to see the results of their secret balloting …. whether or not black or white smoke wafts from their little chimney.
Seriously, this religion has such a Comic Bookish feeling about it. A crappy Comic Book, at that.
Select-A-Pope … that’s the main thrust of this thread. Won’t spend too much time bashing that religion except to mention 5 other beliefs, plus a Bonus, that live on the Edge of Ridiculousness ….. things that make me wonder why there are any adult Catholics at all.
1– Papal Infallibility — assholes!! He’s a human being. All humans make mistakes. A quick and cursory glance regarding various popes will clear up any doubt how fucked in the head they are.
2– Indulgences —- aka, Let’s Make A Deal with God regarding how long someone gets tortured. Listen up numnuts, a God who takes pleasure in torturing the shit out of his created beings, isn’t one who is going to bargain. You’re pretty much fucked.
3—Transsubstantiation — the utterly childish belief that fermented grapes (bought at a store) magically and LITERALLY becomes Jesus’ actual blood …. and that a cracker (bought at a store) becomes literally Jesus’ body. I couldn’t believe this shit if I was high on two ounces of LSD.
4– Joseph never fucked Mary —– not once, not ever, even though the Bible says Jesus had brothers and sisters.
5)– Intersession —– the idea that a Priest is even needed as the link between you and God. Utter and total horseshit found nowhere in Scripture.
Bonus: The Doctrine of Look Away and STFU …… the principle whereby a Man of God can suck little boys dicks to his delight, and if he gets caught, merely gets reassigned to another parish.
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The scary part of all this is that hundreds of millions of people believe this shit. You might even be one of them. (Don’t take this rant personally.) Cockroaches don’t believe this shit, and that’s why they’ll survive our demise.
Pope Francis from Argentina. Why’d he choose a woman’s name?
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Shit, here’s Francis
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Thats my name, don’t wear it out.
Yeah but his middle name is Peter I bet. LOL
Stuck, you are mostly right, unfortunately…
Three points:
1) Papal Infalibility is very limited and circumscribed. It is not applicable to 99.9% of things the Pope is charged with doing.
2. Transsubstantiation — it does sound like a crock, doesn’t it? However, the God I have come to believe in could do it anytime he damn well pleases, though I don’t believe he makes a habit of popping directly into and back out of human affiars. Still, why couldn’t he if he wanted to?
3) Church and Faith — two seemingly compatible concepts separated by human frailty and evil.
stuck, please turn in your eternal salvation card. all dispensations granted by ratzinger are hereby revoked. you will be condemned to a minimum 1000 years in purgatory prior to judgement. have a nice day.
A pope from Argentina?? WTF? Aren’t Popes supposedly a direct line from the first Pope … cough, cough, wink, wink … the apostle Peter? So, old Petey made his way to South America and banged some Argentinean ho back in 44AD?
Let’s buy a clue. We’re talking about the Catholic church. It’s ALL about MONEY & MARKETING! Where is Catholicism growing? South America…easy choice. Bada boom, bada bing, “mystery” solved.
Is there some rule that Popes have to be old geezers? This fucker will be dead in a few years. Then we get to watch the white/black smoke horseshit all over again. Oh, joy!
Take a close look at this old man. He looks like one of those guys on Chris Hansen’s “Catch a Predator”
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Bob
It sounds like a crock …. because it IS a crock.
Sure, assuming God is the All Powerful Wizard he certainly could transform a cracker into flesh. Then again, he could do the same thing when I eat a banana. Why stop at crackers?
Also, WHAT PART of His Body is being consumed? Perhaps some flesh from his rib cage? Not bad, I suppose … if you like the idea of cannibalism. But, what if you’re eating his weenie? hmmm?
Hi,
I’m Jeff Tambor. You might know me from the TV show “Arrested Development”.
It really pisses me off that this new Pope — Pope Francis (pussy name, eh?) — looks exactly like me. Now, I’m gonna be subjected to endless pedo jokes. I better get some royalties from this clown.
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The Pope failed to stand up to the brutal military junta that slaughtered tens of thousands of Argentines in its so-called Dirty War. He did little to help those who disappeared when the country was under right-wing military rule – and too much to criticize the left-wing opponents of the generals. He has even been accused of turning a blind eye to the rounding up and torturing of his own Jesuit priests.
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There’s the not-yet-pope on the left ….. having a grand old time with Jorge Videla, head of the Argentine Junta, responsible for the death, disappearance and torture of tens of thousands of Argentines
Priest Off — a new repellant to protect little boys
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Actual Product Demo …
Fight Homos!! Rick Perry supports The Vagina Bill.
Herr Stuckenbozo
You are once again making waves and slandering our fine religion. Do you have any idea what it feels like to live in eternal hell, the fires burning your flesh for all eternity? No women, no tail, just eternal pain and misery? Is it really worth it? You’d better get with the program partner. Your time is running out.
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Stuckenpenis
I hereby provide you with a list of my accomplishments. You’re welcome asshole
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“Do you have any idea what it feels like to live in eternal hell, the fires burning your flesh for all eternity?” —— Pope Fransissy
Yes, I was married for 20 years.
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Homos will be with you in hell, my unfortunate son.
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Dorkus
WTF???
Try to stay on point (pope stuff and titties).
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Stucky, maybe i was a little precipitous in excommunicating you. i would like for you to undergo six weeks of exorcism with father merrin.
They obviously picked the wrong guy.
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World Stunned by New Pope Pick
Experts, journalists and other respectable people were astonished today when the Vatican announced its selection of a Catholic to be the next pope.
The new pope, one Jorge Mario Bergoglio who took the name Pope Francis I, is a white hispanic from Argentina, a country that became the post-World War II home of many Nazis including Josef Mengele.
Reactions to the pick ran the gamut from mild disdain to less mild disdain.
NY Times columnist Nick Kristoff tweeted “Pope Francis…sadly traditional on sexuality and contraception,” later adding “I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he even believes in God or something.”
Kristoff later tweeted “Wonder how Pope Francis was involved in Argentina’s Dirty War — Catholic Church was complicit in repression?” causing one noted jour0list to observe, “The Vatican apparently didn’t do a very good job vetting this guy, not like we did with President Obama.”
Other observers were troubled by the lack of diversity in the rigidly patriarchal organization. “It appears no Muslim or atheist candidates were even considered”, sniffed MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. “It’s hard to believe a religion could be so closed-minded and intolerant of new ideas.”
“The Nation’s” Katrina vanden Heuvel said the whole papal selection process reminded her “of the Communist Party” while failing to note that almost everything reminds her of the Communist Party except perhaps for the Communist Party.
President Obama offered no immediate reaction to the choice, although aides suggested the president would be happy to allow the pope to kiss his ring when Frankie makes his pilgrimage to Washington DC.
The president will also be sending the new pope a personalized iPod loaded with Mr. Obama’s speeches as a palace-warming gift. “There’s a lot of new stuff on there”, noted Jay Carney. “It’s got his 2nd term inauguaration speech and photos. It’s really cool.”
There is only one reason they would overlook the obvious selection.
It’s racism, straight up.
don cheto and marlene on the radio were discussing the pope’s new name: english speakers call him ‘francis’ it’s francisco. we can also call him pope pancho, pope paco, pacorras, pacayshun…
Jim: http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local/illinois&id=9026503
sorry; they hadn’t loaded the video yet
http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/iteam&id=9033945&rss=rss-wls-article-9033945