Posted on 6th February 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

“I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.”

“Consumption. This is the new national pastime. Fuck baseball, it’s consumption, the only true, lasting American value that’s left . . . buying things . . . People spending money they don’t have on things they don’t need . . . So they can max out their credit cards and spend the rest of their lives paying 18 percent interest on something that cost $12.50. And they didn’t like it when they got it home anyway. Not too bright, folks, not too fuckin’ bright.”

“Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man . . . living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of 10 specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”

“When you’re born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.”

“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”

“What’s all this stuff about motivation? I say, if you need motivation, you probably need more than motivation. You probably need chemical intervention or brain surgery. Actually, if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me.”

“We’re so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody’s going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven’t learned how to care for one another. We’re gonna save the fuckin’ planet? . . . And, by the way, there’s nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared with the people, the planet is doin’ great. It’s been here over four billion years . . . The planet isn’t goin’ anywhere, folks. We are! We’re goin’ away. Pack your shit, we’re goin’ away. And we won’t leave much of a trace. Thank God for that. Nothing left. Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, and we’ll be gone. Another failed mutation; another closed-end biological mistake.”

“Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That’s all, a little place for my stuff. That’s all I want, that’s all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody’s got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that’s your stuff, that’ll be his stuff over there. That’s all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That’s all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn’t have so much stuff, you wouldn’t need a house. You could just walk around all the time. A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you’re taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody’s got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff. And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn’t want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you’re saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That’s what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get . . . more stuff! Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore.”

George Carlin

  1. Billy says:

    George was pretty good… don’t agree with him on the religion thing, but that’s okay..

    Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Land of Fucktards, there’s a “petition” for Disney to make a “plus-sized princess”… seems the fucking fatties are getting their little self esteem damaged by not seeing Blob of Lard Princess heave and wheeze her fucking fat ass across the screen…

    ONLY in the Land of Retards can this shit happen… and I think it’s a big reason why George was so successful – you just cannot make up shit this fucking retarded. Nobody would believe you.

    6th February 2014 at 7:30 am

  2. Connovarn says:

    Doesn’t Princess Fiona from Shrek qualify?

    6th February 2014 at 7:37 am

  3. sensetti says:

    Billy says: Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Land of Fucktards, there’s a “petition” for Disney to make a “plus-sized princess”… seems the fucking fatties are getting their little self esteem damaged by not seeing Blob of Lard Princess heave and wheeze her fucking fat ass across the screen…

    You must be watching Fox. I flipped to CNBC when the fat chick started talking.

    The situation requires a thinning of the herd. That will be the only positive outcome of the coming collapse. The world will shed the parasites from its back without a doubt. Waiting for this cleansing is what’s painful.

    6th February 2014 at 8:02 am

  4. Econman says:

    The man was a modern day prophet.

    6th February 2014 at 10:07 am

  5. Billy says:


    Another pithy quote for you…

    My son is off school AGAIN today… why? I can’t figure that one out. It didn’t snow, it’s not that cold, there’s no wind to speak of, the roads are damp but clear…

    Me, this morning: “Your school is run by the most incompetent bunch of retards and assholes in American history!” (sounding very much like XO Marty Pascal in Down Periscope)…

    6th February 2014 at 12:44 pm

  6. bb says:

    George ,another stupid atheist but at least he had a sense of humor and history.

    6th February 2014 at 1:00 pm

  7. Sensetti says:

    Great Quote
    Shit, I grew up in Colorado they rarely closed school. Snowing meant nothing, visablity is what would shut it down. In other words a fucking white blizzard, short of that you better be in your seat.

    6th February 2014 at 1:25 pm

  8. Scott says:

    George Carlin, brillant, right on the money. I wish George was still with us. My favorite comedian these days is Ron White.

    6th February 2014 at 7:30 pm

  9. El Coyote says:

    George got paid to make fun of people, bb does it for free, he is no sellout. Comedians have this anti-social thing going on, at root they wish they were Le Petomane.

    6th February 2014 at 11:22 pm

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