Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean

WILDWOOD, NJ —Continuously doing laundry, cooking, or vacuuming in her family’s rented beach cottage this week, area mom Danielle Quinn has spent a much-needed vacation performing all her usual household chores while in closer proximity to the ocean, sources confirmed. “Isn’t it nice to just get away for a while and relax by the water?” Quinn said as she wiped down the kitchen counter and then took out the garbage, tasks she would normally perform at a distance of 200 miles from the beach instead of 50 feet. “I .love that I can be scrubbing the bathroom, look out the window, and see the tide coming in. We should do this every year!” At press time, Quinn was reportedly busy preparing a meal identical to what she would have made back home, except that she planned to serve it on paper plates.

Via The Onion

With slight edits

21 thoughts on “AVALON’S VACATION”

  1. Packed off my hub and munchkin for the weekend. His family is descending on the their up north cottage for a weekend of water, sun and fun.

    Second year in a row, I passed.

    Part of the reason is that. I am not calling four days waiting on and cleaning up after 6 grown men and bunch of kids a vacation. Throw in group think, group deciding activities, dinner, etc., and no thank you please. Have a great time!

    Instead, I’m back working on the kid’s house. Which in the end will be more physical, more work, less sun and fun, but at least will be appreciated for my efforts.

    Cold cereal and sandwiches sounds appropriate Avalon! Watch out for the storm and have a little fun too

  2. I do most of the cooking at home, and all of the cooking on vacation. Just stay out of my kitchen and I won’t have to hurt you. Tonight steak tip and chicken kabobs, homemade potato salad and coleslaw and all the fixings. Fire works are early this year in Boston if the rain holds off tonight.

  3. This is precisely the reason we quit renting condos for vacations, for the most part. Even though I always pulled my weight in the kitchen, of course, by making taco salad, grilling and boiling shrimp. But the kids were always dirtying lots of dishes and then sneaking off to the beach.

    Damn millenials.

  4. This is why I don’t know why anyone who isn’t rich enough to hire a lot of help, bothers with a second “vacation” home. All it is, is something you have to worry about when you’re away from it, and when you’re in it, you’re worrying about your main home. And you have TWO damned houses to clean and maintain.

    My idea of a vacation is a place where my meals are served, the dirty dishes wisked away, and my bedcovers turned down with mints on my pillow and fresh flowers on the table when I go back to my uber-luxe hotel suite after a day of exploring fascinating sights, or on a white sand beach with someone always available to bring me a cold drink, and a night of partying at great restaurants.

  5. Chicago999444

    Admin didn’t buy that primarily as a “vacation home”.

    He bought it as an ………….. wait for it ………………………………..


    ACTUAL picture of China Woman who owns Admin’s mortgage-backed-security.

  6. Fuck Arthur!!

    It is now raining really, really hard this evening. Since Wildwood is even closer to Hurricane Arthur, I image it’s even worse.

    I hope Admin remembered to bring the Twister game.

    ACTUAL picture of Admin (skid marks) and sons playing Twister the last time they got rained out.

  7. Stucky: “It is now raining really, really hard this evening. Since Wildwood is even closer to Hurricane Arthur, I image it’s even worse.”

    Actually Hurricane Arthur hasn’t made it up your way yet. I’m in Northern VA and we had a line of thunderstorms around 5 p.m. also–maybe the same one you have/had–but it wasn’t part of Arthur. You’ll get that tomorrow or Saturday:


    1. Nothing in Wildwood as of 10:30. 100% chance of rain tomorrow. It should be gone in time for fireworks tomorrow night.

  8. “Nothing in Wildwood as of 10:30. 100% chance of rain tomorrow. It should be gone in time for fireworks tomorrow night.”

    Actual picture of Admin’s beach house tomorrow night.


  9. Outer bands whipping Wildwood now. 50 to 60 mph winds expected in the next hour. Trapped in house with mother, sister-in-law, niece, nephew, two teenagers and Avalon. When is she going to get up and cook breakfast? Just kidding. I risked my life and walked across the street to obtain hurricane supplies at Dunkin Donuts. I stocked up on booze yesterday. I hope I can make it through until 4:00 when the sun comes out.


  10. Damn, that’s a big ass storm. Batten down the hatches Admin.

    Good thing you stocked up on booze. And donuts….

    A perfect day in S. Illinois, dry, cool, high of 82 today…..

  11. @Stuck: That 8:27 post has a girl right in the middle of it. You’re not too old to recognize her are you?



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