I’ve calmed down. I will tell you a copfuk story that happened about 9AM this morning. Really, a true story.
I asked Ms Freud to get coffee and bagels at Mara’s — I posted a pic of that Chocolate Explosion cake I ordered for Valentines Day. They have the best coffee in NJ at half the cost of Starbucks, and we do that once per week.
Half hour passes, and she’s not home. I know something is wrong … the joint is only 5 minutes away.
Knock, knock. Who the hell is at my door on a Sunday morning? It’s Mrs. Freud. And, she’s crying. A cop car is just pulling out of our driveway.
Here’s what happened.
She found a parking spot near Mara’s, on the street, not in the parking lot. Gets the coffee. Sees a copfuk car behind her car. Thinks nothing of it. Get’s in her car. Copfuk knocks on her window. Oh, oh.
Ms Freud (MF): “Yes, can I help you?”
Copfuk: “You have a problem!!” Gruffly and authoritatively. From here on out, assume that the entire conversation is confrontational and aggressive.
MF: “What did I do?”
Copfuk: “You’re parked illegally!” Turns out there’s a “yellow line” on the curb … which she did NOT see, because there’s still some FUCKING SNOW covering it up. But, whatever …
MF: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see it. I was only in the store a couple minutes at most to get this coffee.”
Copfuk: “DID I ASK YOU WHAT YOU WERE DOING!!!” Yessiree, really.
Copfuk: “License, registration, and insurance.”
MF: “For illegal parking? OK, here.” She hands him all the documentation.
Copfuk: “You’re driving with a suspended license. I COULD TAKE YOU TO JAIL RIGHT NOW!!”
MF: “You’re kidding. Suspended for what?”
Copfuk: “It says here your insurance lapsed due to nonpayment.”
MF: “What?? That can’t be. My insurance payment is automatically paid by computer every month. And I have a valid insurance card.”
Copfuk: “IF I SAY YOUR LICENSE IS SUSPENDED, THEN IT”S SUSPENDED!! DO YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL RIGHT NOW OR WOULD YOU RATHER COOPERATE!!!”
MF: “But, I didn’t do anything wrong. I swear it!”
Copfuk: “I know you received a notice from the State regarding your suspension. You should pay your bills!”
MF: “I got no such letter.” (Which is true.)
Copfuk: “Are you calling me a liar??!!”
And so it went. This belligerent egotistical power freak faggot piece of shit terrifying an upstanding taxpaying member of this community, a tiny petite middle-aged woman, to fucking tears.
He gave her two tickets. One for illegal parking, one for driving under a suspended license. She has a court date in two weeks. Meanwhile, the copfuk sternly warned her not to drive any vehicle. Told her to leave the car parked where it was. At least he drove her home. Such a nice guy.
And you wonder why I loathe copfuks with every cell in my large body.
I calmed her down, and then we went to work. She’s been with Geico for 7 years. We called them. We explained what happened. The guy pulls up her records. Basically, the gist of his commentary is this, paraphrased in Stucky-speak; —- “What the goddamned hell is that copfuk talking about??”. She’s paid up. Has always been paid up. Has never had any lapses of any duration for the seven years under Geico. They never sent any notifications to the State.
In other words, the State of Shithole Jersey totally fucked this up. Now we gotta figure out how to get all this shit settled tomorrow … and not be forced to wait two fucking weeks for the court date.
COPFUKS EAT SHIT!!!!! I hope they all rot in hell, and may Satan stick pineapples up their assess every day for all eternity.
[End Note: Ms. Freud really really wants to write/file a formal complaint against this copfuk for the way he treated her. I’m not sure that’s a good idea. This is a small suburb … with a lot of cops … with virtually zero crime … and their main source of revenue are hapless citizens. I’m not sure a letter would accomplish anything. Not only that, she might as well paint a bulls-eye on the car. She be harassed and stopped relentlessly, I believe. What do you guys think about her letter idea?]
Star – she admitted to driving – ie. sorry officer, etc. Also, I believe that being behind the wheel, in possession of keys, may be enough re driving.
Again, please refer to my comments about not talking to cops.
Ie when Mrs Freud said “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see it. I was only in the store a couple minutes at most to get this coffee.” She owned up to the driving bit. All over red rover.
It is very dangerous to EVER speak to cops. Best not to do it AT ALL.
Let us go over what happened in detail:
Mrs Freud – ““Yes, can I help you?”
Ding ding ding – wrong answer. Correct answer was either to say nothing, or 2) say I evoke my right to be silent or somesuch. It pays to even carry a card saying that (found on the net with precise wording) that you hand over. The minute she spoke she engaged the copfuck, and that entails risk, and also gives him many rights re the entire process that he does not have if Mrs Freud had said nothing. By engaging the copfuck, she has essentially negated his need to Miranda warn her.
MF: “What did I do?”
She has now invited the copfuck to lie to her in depth. Cops are allowed to do that, so as to catch those evil perps.
MF: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see it. I was only in the store a couple minutes at most to get this coffee.”
She has now admitted to driving the car. And to illegally parking – not seeing it is no excuse. She has agreed with the copfuck!!
MF: “For illegal parking? OK, here.” Again admits the offense.
Etc etc etc.
The answer is always: “do not talk to cops”.
And I am not suggesting Mrs. Freud acted any differently than anyone else would have – she naturally thinks that cops could not possibly be that fucking evil, now could they? Ummm, yes they can.
It takes a lot of gumption to sit there silently. Probably would have really pissed him off. May have taken her in – in which case the entire thing would have been sorted by now.
But once you start talking to cops, they can begin to interrogate you, and they are trained to do so. They can lie to you, and are trained to do so.
The key bits for everyone to remember: “lawyer”, “I do not answer questions”, “Am I free to go?”, “I exercise my right to remain silent”, etc.
And re getting off, probably not for the ticket – she admitted to that. And possibly not for the expired license. It is entirely possible that it was her obligation to get the “suspended” annotation removed. Depends on what the law says. And law has got nothing to do with justice. The fact that she got her license renewed pronto may have nothing whatsoever to do with the suspension notice. Or maybe it does. But Mrs Freud will have to fight it to find out for sure.
And let’s face it – tickets are a revenue raising exercise. The system does not want her to get off – they want her to pay her fine. .
A few sites offering information on this issue:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wXkI4t7nuc&feature=player_detailpage
http://policecrimes.com/police.html
http://rolandhinksonfiles.com/library/ideas/dont-talk-to-police.html
http://www.rense.com/general72/howto.htm
I agree the less you say the better. I have almost never had acrimonious encounters with cops, llpoh , your uncle is right. I’ve always had nice cars (don’t beat me up, it’s a miami thing) and cops do treat you different, figuring you can afford really aggressive lawyers I guess. That said, yes sir and no sir are about the extent of my vocabulary. It’s my goal to end the encounter as quickly and pleasantly as possible.
You still have the illegal parking ticket. Write a letter subpoenaing the cop. Make him show up with any data you can think of. How many tickets he wrote that month, what they were for, letters of complaint letters of approval,CV…..
He probably won’t show up and the judge will dismiss the case. And then even if you lose you know it cost the township more in fees and overtime then they made from the ticket.
Bringing reality to the mindless masses… 2015.75 is it plebocites.
Show me a cop who can do that.
Yeah, your all-American, fat, donut sucking psychopathic ‘tard..
Shooting unarmed handcuffed people who are face down is their game.
Long ago and far away, I was stopped by a cop on Interstate 91 at about 11:30p.m. on a holiday weekend, returning from a trip to Montreal with my then 10 yr old son. It seems I was speeding in a “construction zone”. The signs were covered, there were few cars on the road, but on that night dark and deep the cop had a ticket quota to keep and fines to collect before sleep (Sorry Robert Frost, but it was Vermont). I refused to give my social security number and things quickly went south. “Are you a lawyer?” I was asked. I wouldn’t answer that either (I wasn’t) and then he asked me in a menacing tone if I knew where the town was that has a state prison. I gave him a lecture about behaving that way in front of a child and we agreed to continue our conversation in court.
I took pictures of the covered signs, the lack of anything obstructing the highway in any way, and was inspired to snap one of an entry ramp sign that said “Snow and Ice: 20 mph”. I went to court pro se with everyone telling me I was a fool. I asked the judge if she had come down on 91. She had. Pout came the photo of the “snow and ice” sign. “Did you slow down to 20 mph, your honor?” Of course not, she replied. “That was because there was no snow and ice, correct?” “Yes”. Well, your honor, I respectfully submit that you used common sense, just as I did when I saw there was no construction and all but one sign was covered, and no one was nearby.”
Judgment on merit to the defendant and the cop in his shiny patent leather booties had to apologize for his behavior. I made a note to myself never to drive in the town he worked in and went home a happy man. I still have the judgment document: framed.
Moral of the story: if you’re in the right, fight for your rights within the framework of the law.
My own Copfuk run in, about 10 years back.
In those days, I still smoked, and at lunch, I would walk over to the tree -lined street near our office with a glass of ice tea, and sit on the bench at the bus stop to have a smoke
Now, here I was, this white woman well over the age of 30, dressed “business conservative” – suit with longish skirt, high heels, nylon stockings, leather handbag. Well, some extremely crazy street person, a young black woman fat enough to require 2/3 of the bench, plops down next to me and starts SCREAMING about my cigarette smoke…. never mind that we are outdoors, and there are other, empty benches maybe 30 paces away that she could easily have all to herself, far away from my smoke.
I directed her to one of them and told her to leave me alone. However, some neighborhood prissy-poo living in one of the nearby 6-flats overlooking the stop apparantly called about an altercation, and when I got up to stroll back to the office, I was accosted by a plainclothesman, who demanded to see my identification.
The other woman was long gone to harass someone else, or go back to her panhandling spot, or whatever.
Where do you live? Why were you sitting here? Have you ever been arrested?
I thought WTF???? Since when does a respectable, law abiding person have to make excuses for sitting on a bench and taking a smoke outdoors…. especially when the neighborhood gangbangers are NEVER hassled by the police, and conduct their little streetcorner pharmaceutical businesses in plain sight, while the local gestapo roll right past them.
But then, if they fuck with THOSE guys, they might get hurt?
I told the copfuck where I worked, and he asked, if I call that place will I find you there? I thought huh??? WTF? Since when does a law-abiding citizen owe anyone an account of her whereabouts?
I was flaming furious, but I knew what I was up against. But I still get angry every time I think about it.
Know that if you are a “loner” type, like me, you are going to get a lot more unfavorable attention than if you are with a gang or crowd of some sort. People reflexively distrust “loners”. I saw the cops in my area stop a young black boy, another “loner”, a nerdy, bookish kid with glasses like coke bottle bottoms who is always carrying a stack of books and has never, ever been associated with a gang, and threaten to beat the shit out of the poor young guy because he had the temerity to ask what he was being stopped for while walking innocently down the street… while the gangboys never get bothered until they shoot someone.
I hate cops, too.
Stucky, I see why you love Ms. Freud, and now I love her too. Love a little women with balls!
The way I see it, you have two separate issues. #1 is court. The only way left to try and “win” in court is to take verified, provable, evidence. No “he said/she said,” just evidence, and two the cop will have to show up, which is a big if. The smaller the area the more likely he shows and I’m sure his memory of his behavior won’t reflect hers. Bullies never remember their spewed horror. I’ve known too many of them.
Her, and your, second issue is nice town, little real crime (catching teens with pot doesn’t count), and over-enabled protection and justice system.
Pointing out the failure of those guys is potentially suicide. Do you like your house? Town? Community? Life?
Is ONE incident enough to warrent swinging the glare of our “protectors” directly your way?
I would think about this: The police have access to my gun records, health records, credit records, these very words I’m typing, probably my computer files and folders, travel logs, toll purchases, family information, the list goes on and on and on.
I didn’t want my overzealous small town cops to focus on me, and that was centuries ago in technology, they really couldn’t do a freaking thing. Then.
Now? Dear gawd, they could follow and nail me with next to no effort for every piddly assed little law they got. Then the freaking home inspectors could come round.
I would not poke the bear for ONE time. Nope. Chalk it up to asshole and incompetent, so, you know, regular paid-for-life government jackboots and bureaucrats.
Lots of war stories tell of survival by flying under the radar and laying low. You know that is true.
Good luck.
And, @kill bill, the popo don’t haunt the FedEx and UPS drivers like all other truckers. Have you ever seen one pulled over? I think they treat them like Postal Service delivery/trucks. Free pass unless they have info that one of us sneaked a crime aboard.
Some animals are just more worthy than others. Popo, Judges, Prosecutors, even FedEx drivers are in that club. Not us, so much.
Hugs to your better half, and you!
The best way to handle these jerks is to beat them in court, as Steph suggests.
Stucky ” I’ll wear my work-boots with the one-inch sole and thick socks so I’ll be closer to 6’9″ … and I can grow a mean looking Fu Manchu ‘stache in two weeks.”
Do that! Just show up and say NOTHING! Not a peep from you. The message will be received loud and clear. And yes, I would write a letter about the treatment. Being in psychology, Ms Freud will know how to write it well.
I can pretty much assure you that the cop simply made it up on the fly. When the court date comes around, he will simply state the computer showed what he claimed, but without any evidence whatsoever. There will be no consequences either- he will be paid to spend the day in court cooling his heels. Purpose served.
After all of this is over, go get you some dash cams and install them in your car. make sure one of them can be adjusted toward the driver’s side window so you can record this crap and use it in court. when they get up before the judge and lie, then show the video. they get caught every time. works every time its tried ………..ask cop block and others.
Oh mah gawd sticky. Do NOT try to exert yer considerable manhood over that imaginary po po. It will surely end in grief. Yew are angry and sorely distressed, don’t let the sun go down on yer anger. Yew and Billah truly are badass warriors at heart.
Once Billah fell out his scooter and his mumu went over his head and there he was in the middle uh traffic, his RANK anus bare fer all ter see n smell. Several police drove by but pretended they couldn’t see nuthin. Here’s mah point – morbidly obese white trash kin drive wherever the shitballs they care to, as very few po po wanna touch their pasty greasy skin. Billah is a vile n wretched piece uh rhino doo.
Oh mah gawd….
sticky. Don’t do it. Don’t get in no altercation with that imaginary police officer. You’ll regret big time. Just keep yer cool and don’t let yer considerable manhood git the best uh yah.
one time Billah fell off his scooter and couldn’t git back on. Worse yet his mumu went over his head and his RANK anus was bare fer all to see. A po po stopped and was gonna give us some trouble, then the idea of cuffin a morbidly obese piece uh monkey shit sprawled.there on the sidewalk must been too much
************** MAJOR UPDATE #2 (long) **************
SOUTH PLAINFIELD DMV
It was a bad omen. We left the house at 8AM to go to the South Plainfield DMV. I wanted to BE THERE at 8AM, when they opened. But, just as we were getting ready to leave, Ms Freud got an unexpected call from a client who was depressed over her ingrown toenail.
We got there at 8:30AM. There’s already a line of people snaking from the reception desk to halfway down the length of the office. About 40-50 people in front of us. WTF?? Everyone looks SEVERELY pissed off. We are afraid to ask anyone what’s going on. After about 10 minutes, and after about another dozen people showed up after us, a DMV worker appears and makes an announcement;
“As I’ve said before, our computer system is down. It is only down at this location. We expect it to come up, but we don’t know when. However, we can do all the preliminaries, making sure your paperwork is in order, that you have filled out the correct forms, and so forth. Once the computer system comes up it should go relatively quickly. Of course, feel free to go to another DMV office. Their computer systems are working.”
We decide to stay. The next closest DMV is in Newark. We’ve been there once, and it is, without exaggeration, The Mother Of All Shitholes …. a greasy, filthy, dark, dimly lit former warehouse in the worst industrial area of Newark. It’s so bad there are 4-5 armed Newark copfuks (not rent-a-cops) roaming the halls at all times. On the bright side, just outside the front doors along the street you can score a major hit for a Big Fat Doobie …or, crack …. or, even a skank ho’ if you like Dark Meat … and I’m not kidding.
It takes a little over an hour until we get to the reception desk. We ‘splain out situation. We’re told — “So solly, we don’t restore suspended licenses here.” WTF??? WTF?????? The clerk explains that the South Plainfield office is not a “full service” center. For that we have to go something called a Regional Center. Jeebus Effing Christmas. The rest of the conversation went something like this;
Me: “OK, where are the Regional Centers?”
Clerkfuk (CF): “There’s one in Newark.”
Me: “I don’t feel comfortable going to Newark.”
CF: “Why not?”
Me: “Polar Bear games.” (Yup. I really did.)
CF: “What does that mean?”
Me: “Never mind. I need another option.”
CF: “There’s one in Hazlet Township.”
Me: “That’s a big township. Do you have the street address?”
CF: “I do, but it’s on the computer and the computer is down.”
Me: “You mean nowhere in this huge office is a piece of paper that has Hazlet’s street address??”
CF: “Probably, but that’s not our job. Plus, I can’t leave this desk.”
Me: “Can you get someone else to help me … like those people over there just sitting at their computer which doesn’t work and they are doing absolutely nothing?”
CF: “No. Now please move along sir. There’s a long line of people behind you.”
Me: “Blow me!!” (I didn’t actually say that, but I thought it.)
So, we drive all the way back home just to get the fucking Hazlet DMV street address. The trip to Hazlet is about 30 miles, and will cost about two bucks in tolls.
.
HAZLET DMV
We get there around 11AM. It’s a large office – it’s a “Regional Center”, after all — and its standing room only. We show our ID’s and Ms Freud is given a blue slip of paper with a number on it. The clerk says, not kidding, — “It’s at least a 3 hour wait, and there is no guarantee that you will be called.” Jeebus Effing Christmas. We have number 453. They just called number 391. I believe that means there are 61 people in front of us.
You need to understand that’s JUST for license restorations! The DMV office is divided between “dumfuks who got their licenses suspended” (us) and on the other side “everything else for normal people”.
Oh, my … the license-challenged clientele!!! What a motley crew. I counted (really) the white people … thirteen, including us. Everyone else was mostly Neegrow, followed by Beaners. About a third of everyone would qualify as People Of Walmart. Really really fat people, including one on a scooter, one teenage girl with neon-green hair and tats on her neck, a (probable) welfare mama with two of her spawn, about 4 and 6 years old who were running, playing, rolling on the floor, screaming, and then crying … all while their fatfuk momma was on her i-phone and not once said anything to her feral offspring.
Ms. Freud looked at me and whispered, verbatim – “This is scary. What the fuck are we doing here??” I look at her and tell her, — “Dante was wrong. THIS is the 7th Circle Of Hell. Let’s enjoy this unique experience”
At least the office is well-lit and clean, and they only have one armed copfuk patrolling … a white dude in his 50’s, a pot-belly hanging over his belt, whose primary function in life was to make sure the doorway was cleared. “Step away from the door. Move along! Clear the aisles!” … he barked every 10-15 minutes.
One last thing about the office. There are motivational-type looking framed posters every 7 feet, or so. The object of the “motivation”? New Jersey!
— “The sun rises on New Jersey”.
— “New Jersey: The Place To Be!!”
— “New Jersey: Growing For You”.
When we finally get to our Clerkfuk (a helpful guy, actually) the poster behind him states; — “New Jersey: Caring For You”. Considering that we’re about to get financially ass-raped, I find this poster to be fucking hilarious. But, I’m thinking the irony will be lost on the majority of low-IQ folks seeing it, and that they should replace it with a poster of Chris Christie, “New Jersey: Fuck You!!”.
Ms Freud is a legal driver again …. after paying the $150 Surcharge Fee, plus a $100 License Restoration Fee. $250 for the State … and we haven’t even gotten to the two tickets yet.
.
********* EVERYTHING THE TWO COPS TOLD US IS WRONG !!! ***********
Ms Freud’s license was NOT suspended two years ago. It was suspended TWO WEEKS ago. Honestly, I don’t know if the Nice Cop told her two years, or two weeks …. and Ms Freud simply misunderstood him.
And, it had NOTHING to do with a previous expired drivers license, or insurance. It had everything to do with a “Surcharge Fee”.
.
NEW JERSEY SURCHARGE VIOLATION SYSTEM
This shitfuck State has something called the New Jersey Surcharge Violation System. Actually, the official name of the law is —- “Residual Market Equalization Charge”. What the goddamned fuck???? In a nutshell;
—– they are ADDITIONAL fees/fine on top of the ticketed violation. These are not paid AT THE TIME OF THE TICKET FINE …. The State mails them out later.
—– If you get six or more points in a three year period, NJ drivers will receive a $150 Surcharge plus $25 for each additional point. (Ms Freud drives with a heavy foot.)
—- drivers will be paying this surcharge for 3 years
—- failure to pay will result in a Suspended License, followed by a lien on property, followed by aggressive Debt Collections
—- if the person moves to another state, gets a driver’s license in that state … they are STILL required to pay the three years of surcharges.
—- the Surcharge cannot be discharged via bankruptcy
.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Ms Freud did NOT receive ANY bills/invoices for this surcharge. Ms Freud is adamant and meticulous in paying bills. She would have paid this surcharge THE DAY it arrived in the mail. That’s how she rolls. But, the State claims they sent three notifications AND a license-suspension letter. We got none of that.
Ms Freud already called her attorney. He chuckled and told her not to worry about it … that he’ll be able to get the ticket dismissed. How? Quite simple: the burden of proof is on the State, to prove they sent out the notices. Regular mail – the method they use – is no proof at all. It needs to be registered or certified … and the State knows it. The State doesn’t incur that expense because they know that the vast majority of people won’t hire an attorney to fight it. Once an attorney shows up, it’s game over for the State. That’s nice, eh?? And it will “only” cost Ms Freud $700 hundred fucking dollars. But, that’s better than having another ding on her driving record, and an increase in her insurance.
Ms Freud and I are worn the fuck out. This whole thing is a goddamned motherfucking scam. We are both so angry. I’m still considering kicking that original copfuk in the fuck. As long as I can log into TBP while in jail, it just might be worth it.
FUCK COPS!
FUCK CHRISTIE!!
FUCK NOO JOISEY!!
Stuck
It is stories like that which make me glad you don’t have a license to carry a firearm. I’d be seeing you on the evening news after a DMV massacre.
Stucky how the ingrown toenail issue resolved?
Hay Stucky I think it’s time you move……. How about California?
How did
Stucky- Move to KY and get out of that shithole. Why do you stay? In the end you will be toast if you don’t leave. Move to southern Indiana and support your team, that is a nice place too. Just do it.
Stucky,
I just got done reading about your Adventures at the DMV.
Dude, I’m not going to say anything, except recount my last trip down to the DMV. You can compare and contrast with your sojourn into Dante’s hell…
Last Week.
My wife: “Hey, don’t forget you have to pay the taxes on the Ford today. You told me to remind you.”
Me: “Ahh. Gotcha. Thanks. Where are th-”
Wife: “I’ve got everything already in your wallet, including the checkbook. Enjoy.”
Me: “Grmmm… (went back to drinking coffee)
Hop in the Blazer around 11:00 am with all the shit I’m gonna need for the DMV. The time doesn’t bother me, even though it’s the middle of the day. In fact, I’m thinking of hitting the hardware store for some stainless nuts and bolts I need for the Ford…
Trip down to the DMV – located just down the hall from the County Sheriff’s Office – takes about 20 minutes down a Double A highway. Sun’s shining, I got the window down, elbow hanging out and The Dubliners blasting on the radio.
During the drive, I check out the fields along the route – which guys are shit-hot and have their fields plowed already, which are letting a certain field go fallow. If there are any new farms for sale. Folks with heavy equipment to sell – ground augers, wagons, tractors, stock haulers, etc, – just put them out in their front yard with a FOR SALE sign on them. They’re usually sold within a week.
I get into “town” – or what passes for it – bump across the railroad tracks, hook a left, then a quick right into the SO’s parking lot from the back side – it’s that, or drive all the way around the block to the “Entrance”, which is situated in such a way that you cannot enter the parking lot and park right next to the SO… you have to orbit the parking lot first. Coming in the back way cuts the loop and lets me park right by the front door.
I take my sidearm out of it’s holster and secure it in the console next to the front seat, making sure to lock it. Then make sure I lock the doors are locked before heading inside. I only do this because of my sidearm. If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t have done shit… no need to.
Inside is a long hallway heading to the right. To the left is offices, so unless you work there, you got no business going that way. I head down the hallway – the Sheriff’s Office is at the end of the hallway – and the DMV is on the left about halfway down. Not another soul in the hallway other than me.
At the DMV – well lit, clean, real plants and nice chairs to sit in – is… .nobody else.
I am, literally, the sole customer there, despite it being close to noon.
Three nice ladies sitting at their positions, doing whatever it is they do. One looks up and smiles at me, and says in that singsong Southern lilt:
“Hi hon (everyone is called “hon” down here). What can I do ya for?”
Me: “Ah, jus’ paying taxes on the truck.”
Her: “Okay, let’s see whatcha got..”
Me: “Well ma’am, that’s just it. We know the taxes are due around March some time, since that’s when we paid it last year. But we never got a notice about it being due.”
Her: “Got yer registration, hon?”
Me: “Sure thing. Right here.”
Her: (looks over my registration) “Well, here’s why. You have it registered as a “Farm” vehicle, correct?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am..”
Her: “The Commonwealth doesn’t send out tax notices for “farm” vehicles. Don’t know why. It just is. Y’all still have it as a farm vehicle?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. Good truck for it, too. Pretty much only use it when there’s heavy lifting to do… ”
Her: (taps on computer) “Okay then, your total is $24.05….”
Me: (with a smile) “Gotta have that nickel, huh?”
Her: (feigning seriousness) “Oh my yes! You don’t know how important those nickels are to Frankfort”
I paid the whopping 24 bucks for taxes on the truck, and got all the paperwork returned to me in a nice little plastic folder-thingy, so I wouldn’t lose anything.
Her: “Anything else I can do for ya, hon?”
Me: “No ma’am. Y’all have a nice day.”
And I didn’t see anyone else on my way back out to the Blazer….
That last anon was me…
And Bea… we shouldn’t open membership here to just anyone… we do that, we’ll be overrun with Damnyankee assholes…
But Stucky and the missus are okay…
I don’t think Stuck has one of the allowable 15 last names.
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Admin,
Okay… that shit got me laughing… pretty good troll for a damnyankee.. +1
I don’t know if life down here would suit you and yours… or if y’all would die of boredom inside a week.
Life is slow down here… and we like it that way just fine.
Like today… today I am, literally, waiting for dirt to dry.
See, every Spring, you have to take soil samples from your fields and, using bags that the County Extension provides you, turn them in for analysis. This is done by the County so that you can get your soil analyzed and then you can add whatever it is your fields need. It’s taxpayer funded, so there’s no up front cost to the landowner… but I’m not stupid enough to consider it a “free” service.
Last few days, I’ve been wandering the fields with a shovel and a clean bucket, getting samples here and there. I segregate the samples and break them up fairly well, then wait for them to dry some before putting them in the little bags so I can take them down to the County Extension office for analysis…
So.. waiting for dirt to dry….
Also on the list of shit to do: Replace the headlights on the Blazer, do up working drawings for some 6 foot tall frames for rifle targets and then probably go looking for those pistol magazines my wife “cleaned up” a few months back… can’t use my fucking pistols until I find the damn magazines… she “cleaned up” the den and they all went missing simultaneously… meh…
Like I said… life is slow…
Billy
I like life slow. I’m counting the days until I can call it quits and never have to drive into this godforsaken hellhole ever again. We’ll sell the house and move south. I’m sick and tired of the cold.
ADMIN- I’m from the nigga capitol of the world, I know a paradise when I see one. KY rules over the shithole I was born in.
“Stucky- Move to KY and get out of that shithole. Why do you stay?” — Bea Lever
My parents could use my help. As soon as the last one dies, I / we will be the fuck out of here within 6 months, guaranteed.
Thanks much for the invite to KY … and to Billy for allowing it, lol. But, that probably won’t happen.
Ms Freud is thinking Delaware …. because they don’t tax pensions. Plus, it is a pretty state especially by the bay or ocean.
I like the stretch from Northern Georgia (Chattahoochie area) to western N. Carolina (Ashville). Love the Smokey Mountains and always wanted a modern log cabin.
For Stucky,
Think I’ll have some ‘corn squeezin’s’ later on…
Also known as “The Juice of the Barley”. Don’t have a drop of Irish blood in me… but I can appreciate good whiskey as much as any bog-running Irishman…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_k2GG-H_RU
Stucky- Forget north Georgia, that is where I am from. The north Georgia mountains are becoming overpopulated with folks from metro Atlanta who want a place to sit out Niggageddon. I left Atlanta when it became hard to deal with the darkness and traffic.
Hey Stuck,
You and the missus need to take a trip… head on down to Cumberland Gap and take you a look around…
Cumberland Gap, Cumberland Falls, Daniel Boone National Forest, Mammoth Caves…
Cumberland Gap, by the way, was formed when an Almighty Bigass Meteor slammed into the Appalachian mountains – conveniently making the only easy passage through the mountains for hundreds of miles in any direction….
It’s nice down there. Really. Well, it’s nice pretty much anywhere around here, but it’s really nice down there…
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It’s said that the topsoil in Daniel Boone National Forest is 18″ thick… it’s still as it was when the first Euros came to settle west of the Blue Ridge…
And we have shitloads of elk… reintroduced some years ago, we now have THOUSANDS of elk… and black bear and lynx and all sorts of stuff…
The other morning, I was out on the back porch before dawn, having a cup o coffee and a smoke, and I hear something that sounds like barbed wire scraping across sheet metal… I look up, and there is this humungous Great Horned Owl standing on top of my garage.
He looks at me. I look at him. He’s not happy I harshed his mellow, so he “HOOS!” at me couple times and flaps off… fuck, that was one big bird!
Cool.. .we have a new resident on the farm. To go with the Red Tailed Hawks, the Herons, the geese, ducks, turtles, fish, red-winged black birds, and all the other cool critters we have wandering around… .
Seriously… we get picked on a lot (see: Admin) but that’s the kind of thing that makes up for all the damnyankee assholes in the world…
Stuck- I have a modern log home near Mammoth Caves area, it was my dream, we love it. Come on down.
Billy,
Halfway through your DMV story I could tell it was you. No need to identify yourself, you can tell by the way you tell a story and the Ford truck.
Stucky,
My wife and I are considering North Carolina, my brother lives down there and we have visited several times. I understand about your parents, my mom’s 82, still in great health fortunately, my kids want to stay in Massachusetts. Son will be graduating this spring, but my daughter still has three more years to her Biology B.S., We’ll probably stay until she graduates. There is still feet not inches, but feet of frozen snow surrounding my house. We need to move somewhere warmer before we get too old to.
This state pulled a fast one several years ago and stopped sending out license renewals, after a large number of people got cancelled and ticketed, they revised the policy, and realized they could email renewal notifications. I actually got pulled over on my own road and had to walk home. I won’t tell you what I think of most cops because my nephew and several acquaintances are in various police forces, but I can tell you it takes a certain type of person to be a cop, and they actively recruit that type of personality. Then the police forces encourage and develop that personality so that the ones that stay tend have similar traits. They virtually always have each others backs from what I have seen.
Bob.
Bob,
That personality trait??
You mean this one?
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Blue Falcon: Military synonym or code word for “Buddy Fucker”. The guy who gets everyone else into trouble, sells out all his friends to higher ups, gets out of his duty, or gets away scott free as all his friends get blamed. Military police are usually referred as Blue Falcons by other military occupational specialties.
Related words: buddy fucker, “that guy”, falcon, snitch, bf, bravo foxtrot, blue, buddy fucker, usmc, asshole, bitch, screwed, afghanistan, back stabber, big green weenie, blue falcons, douche bag, f-zero x, idiot, punk
The Creed of the Blue Falcon
I am a buddy fucker
I am a blue falcon and a waste of life .
I fuck all my battle buddies, and live by the battle buddy fucker creed.
I will always place my self first.
I will never help a battle buddy.
I will always quit.
I will always fuck my comrades.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally weak, trained and proficient in my blue falcon tasks and drills.
I always maintain my note book, my pen and fuck my buddies at a moments notice.
I am an expert and I am a professional at fucking all my battle buddies.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy, my battle buddies phase pass and weekend.
I am a guardian of cocks and the blue falcon way of life.
I am a buddy fucker.
Billy,
Now that’s funny.
Bob.
“Stucky how the ingrown toenail issue resolved?” —– Sensetti
“Take two aspirin and call me in the morning. If that doesn’t work, make an appointment, and don’t forget your $25 co-pay.”
Billy / Bea
Cumberland … gap, falls, etc … does sound very nice. Probably too nice.
Ms Freud really like what she does, and wants to do it until she croaks. So, the Cumberland area needs to;
—- have people with a certain percentage of people with some type of fucked-upness … she’s only interested in run-of-mill fuckedup-ness … not the Deliverance kind, no incest, no weird sexual shit of any kind
—- have the cash or good insurance to pay for it …. she ain’t no fuckin’ charity
I could try to convince her to get into Basketball Grief Counseling … which would probably entail suicide counseling. Just imagine the Doom, Gloom, Weaping, and Gnashing Of Teeth when Kentucky doesn’t win it all this year. She could be a fuckin Millionaire in no time!!
Stuck – You gonna fight the suspended license ticket?
Mrs Freud needs to let up on the gas. She is donating to the system. Screw that.
“Stuck – You gonna fight the suspended license ticket?” —– Llpoh
Yup. Been talking to the lawyer. She even stopped by today and paid him his retainer. Game on!
She got a 4-point speeding ticket a couple years ago. What triggered the “surcharge system” — 6 points in two years — was a 2-point “failure to come to a complete stop” ticket about six weeks ago, in other words, a rolling stop, again here in Fanwood where the copfuks have literally nothing else to fucking do other than harass motorists 24x7x365.
Stucky,
My friend, you are looking at this from the wrong end…
It’s not what can they offer you…
It’s what you can offer them.
And being one, I know the Teuton does not excel at thinking outside the box. But, I have cultivated my creative side for a long time. Instead of saying “Hey locals! Come here and let me fix yer shit for some Obammy bux!” why not say:
“Hey Noo Joisey neurotic assholes! Let me fix yer shit! Come on down here to scenic, historic Cumberland Gap and let me fix yer shit amidst the quiet and beauty of the oldest mountain range on Earth!”
In other words, coax dumbshit city folks from Up Nawth to come down here and hang out while Yer Missus fixes their shit. Then they can go back home and tell stories about how they bravely ventured down into the Wilds of Hickdom for some R&R…
Matter of fact, given the location of Cumberland Gap, you have easy access to FOUR states – VA, KY, NC and TN….
It doesn’t have to be just locals… you can even capitalize on that further by running some type of hotel/B&B thing for all your insane Damnyankee asshole clients…
Stuck – good luck.
Please bear in mind that the problem with standing on principle is that it costs money.
My shyster always advises “settle”. “Settle settle settle”. He is like a damn parrot. Settling costs lots less than winning, he says. If your shyster does not squawk “settle” like a broken record, you need to find a different shyster. In court, you can win, and you can lose. In both cases, you generally lose.
Not suggesting you should settle – but a shyster’s first obligation is to his/her client, and fighting it out in court is generally not in said best interest. If they want to fight it out, as being prepared to fight it out (mine is always prepared – says it is fun, especially seeing he is playing with someone else’s money), then you need different counsel, IMHO.
So far, I have never been unfortunate enough to end up in court.
Stucky- I hate to break this to you but my neighbors down at the doomstead (which is in a gated community in the middle of Bumfuck Egypt KY) are from New York, Chicago and even one towelhead that lives in Dubai that I have never seen. There are homeboys in there too. The home on seven acres directly behind my log home has six bedrooms and six fireplaces. You have been watching too many movies.
Ok then here is the plan for lying cops. You can take away their power. So he Lied about your insurance and you will prove this in court and it will be dismissed. Therefore by dismissal the court agrees that what he wrote on the ticket was a lie. So now you put an ad in the local paper agreeing to testify that this cop is a liar with your proof and he will no longer be able to do the job and create false revenue thus he will be shut down. Think of what would happen if we followed all these liars aro7nd and shut them down.
This is how we can change the world!
Sorry Stuck for your continued state sanctioned theft and harassment.
Michigan has a “driver responsibility law” which put hundreds of misdemenanors into it which triggers additional STATE fees above and beyond the tickets – which are local.
When GranBitch first enacted it (when we had no jobs, nor money), they slid in a provision that failure to have PROOF of insurance (not be insured, just the paper), would trigger two years of $200 fines.
A (assumed rich or lawyer) was in an accident and his car burnt, along with his proof of insurance. He got the “no proof” ticket, took proof of insurance to the cops, then received a notice of suspended license and extra fees for not paying the initial $200.
He fought it and after 3 or 4 years and thousands of law-abiding citizens turned into felons, they did away with it.
$400 for failure to have a piece of paper. There is not a government bureaucracy ANYWHERE that would be able to keep the lights on if they were held to the same standards that we are forced by point of gun to obey.
Safety, they tell me. Vote, they tell me. Justice, they tell me.
They are delusional and lie.
Hi Bea! How do you like living in my ancestors’ stomping grounds?
Funny thing about this Kentucky turn. The universe is screaming at me about Kentucky recently. Started with the push to go forth and research my family’s history while records are still available, but now I think it is something more.
But, like Stuck, I can’t do anything while my dad is with us, and until my daughter-in-laws parents get fed up too.
I don’t see survival for the non-welfare, non-state, non-protected-unionist in this state. All I see is further limitations on production, further limitations on life, further limitation on how much money I have left to live on.
Everywhere we turn the state is instituting more fines, fees, regulations and bullshit. I’m sure KY has their fair share, but it would take them decades – and I’ll be long gone – to catch up.
When Martin Luther King, jr. talked about us all being treated the same, regardless of race, I don’t think he meant this.
I’ve been trying to explain this was coming, but most white people kept saying it can’t happen to people who weren’t criminals.
It’s economic. The country’s broke & the economy’s dead.