WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

Some men like to dress up and play pretend pirate. Other men take shits that are more pirate than you’re fantasy land. Keep doing you my friend.

Yeeeesh! Is it just me or is this the chick in the truck from Don’t be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in Da Hood? – “You ain’t goin nowhere”! Terrifying. Terrifying.

Kinda what I imagine Santa would look like going through a mid-life crisis and deciding to go to a rave and try dating younger chicks.

I don’t understand why people enjoy betting so much. The over/under here is atrocious and I want no part in it.

Wow! You know you are distracting to look at when it took me ten minutes of looking at your nude suit to finally realize your friend’s jelly rolls just hanging out for fun.

Doin’ the Bull Dance. Feelin’ the flow. Workin’ it. Workin’ it.

That looks like a super fun ride. What’s probably more shocking to you than the child going for a cruise, is that if you look closely you will see it’s a two-child ride! Fun for the whole family!!

You’re shirt looks like the struggle I have when I try to close a Ziplock bag with something in it that doesn’t fit. Just a fruitless stubborn struggle with only poor results. Take my advice and get a bigger bag sweetheart.

The size of the products aren’t the only thing super-sized at Sam’s Club. The crazy is on a bigger level too!

I didn’t know haunting nightmares could happen in the middle of the day…while I’m awake.

The real question we must dig deep down and ask ourselves is how much crack do we need? Do we need just a little bit? A tiny peek to get us through our day or do we need a big ol’ helping of crack to calm our fix?

Now that’s one classy truck window sticker. Although now that I think about it, I’d rather have to come up with some explanation of what’s going on to my kids rather than see another scene of deer or fish on the back of a truck.

Getting ready for that summer time jorts frenzy. Full disclosure, my level of excitement is like waaaaay too high for jort season. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the variety of crazy jorts out there on people that shouldn’t wear jorts…which is everybody.

Anyone else as jacked up for Cinco de Mayo as I am?!?!?!…No? Nobody? Ahh, because we aren’t Mexican so it doesn’t mean anything to us and like true assholes we just bastardized it into a stereotype of drinking Corona and eating tacos? Makes sense. It’s next Tuesday by the way. Just a heads up.

Hey! You staring at dat ass? Just because it looks like someone threw paint on her personal seismograph doesn’t mean you get to look. That’s his ass and he wants you to know it. Back off son.

Sweet baby Jesus. What. The Shit. Is That? Bruce Jenner makes a better looking lady and he just started last month! Whatever, my penis is officially retired. Hanging up the jersey, it’s over. He doesn’t wanna play no mo’ and that’s on you lady.

Wow. The Verizon “Can you hear me now” guy was much nicer about it than you are and look how popular he got. Who was having that much trouble seeing you that it drove you to this vulgarity?

See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart