WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

787

Ahhh yes, the forgotten Orange Mario Brother. He’s not quite a good guy like Mario & Luigi and he’s not quite a bad guy like Wario & Waluigi. So basically he just kinda chills all day in his parents house as they berate him for not being more like his brothers.

788

At first I was like “Can I really trust this guy sitting outside Walmart to give a thorough breast exam?” But then I noticed he used BYOB to mean ‘Bring Your Own Boobs’ and anybody that fun and creative has to be legit. That’s just good marketing right there.

790

Ohhh this is always fun. Will Dad realize his kid is about to pass out in time or will we all get to give him glaring looks of shame and disappointment as medics bring her back to consciousness?!?! Stay tuned to find out.

789

Little walker children are by far the creepiest of all walkers. But let me throw some caution to all you walker kids out there. If you see me in public and you sneak up on me, I will not hesitate to put you down like Rick did Sophia. That’s just business and that’s how I roll…you’ve all been warned.

784

Usually I’m all about there being less of acid-washed jeans but you found an exception to that rule.

786

Dude looking so American I think he should be in a Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr commercial.

783

Bad news bro, you shouldn’t have let her wear your briefs cause those boys just went from comfort fitting boxer-briefs to loosey-goosey boxers.

785

It saddens me that I will never look this badass chillin’ outside of my Walmart with a goat. Real recognize real.

779

“It ain’t water playboy, it’s muh fuckin Grey Goose baby.” – Wow. Just wow. I’m about to tell you a true statement. Not like an over the top dramatic example of how I feel, but an honest to God true statement. – I would without a doubt, 100% not even trade you a bottle a Grey Goose for that car. That’s a real thing I just said. So why don’t you go ahead and realize nobody believes you. It’s probably water.

782

Bam doesn’t have much going for him these days does he? First off, his name is Bam so there’s that. Then he got you as his “bitch”. Not a lot of people jelly of the Bam man right now.

777

Well if that’s your number I’m not impressed. What’s the rule of thumb ladies? Divide their number by 4 and that’s the real amount?

776

If I were ever getting ready to be in some large street gang brawl I’d want this dude on my crew. The other gang would be like “WTF is this dude? Is he for real or is he just so batshit crazy that you don’t know what he’ll do?” It’s that uncertainty that will have them thinking twice before they step to us. True story.

775

I’ve seen the movie Outbreak. That shit won’t end well. I’m gonna pass.

773

Next to the stage, let’s give a warm Spearmint Rhino welcome to Raggedy Ann.

771

Psssst, guess what? I think you confused your daughter’s tutu for your own. You should remedy that situation immediately.

11742809_10153511762071972_6055104740205858498_n_opt

Silver lining – you sweep the floor as you walk so you save tons of money on cleaning supplies!

See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart


 

2
Leave a Reply

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of
EL Coyote
EL Coyote

All American Billy out on the town wit the Missus.

Lysander
Lysander

Is the dude wrapped in ‘Murika-fuck yeah! clothes by any chance Mr. Len Greenwood?

Discover more from The Burning Platform

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading