Capitalism Explained In 2015: “You Have Two Cows…”

Submitted by Simon Black via SovereignMan.com,

When I was a kid, I used to proudly wear around a T-shirt explaining different economic systems using ‘two cows’ as a metaphor.

It started off like this:

Socialism: You have two cows. Give one to your neighbor.

 

Then

 

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you some milk.

 

And

 

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

I started thinking about this last week when I was in Caracas, because it turns out that Venezuela is a real life example of the two cows metaphor.

It started back in 2001 when the then-President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, introduced a law that called for the redistribution of land.

According to their ‘Bolivarian socialism’ pipedream, it was immoral for any single person or company to own too much land. So the government started confiscating people’s private property.

And any property owner who resisted was imprisoned. It makes for the perfect entry on that T-shirt I used to wear:

Venezuela: You have two cows. The government steals your land and imprisons you.

Needless to say, the law had an enormous impact on the Venezuelan cattle industry.

Cattle obviously require a lot of land; and running a profitable cattle operation often means having thousands of acres or more.

So when the government started seizing people’s lands, beef production in Venezuela collapsed. Duh.

They went from being entirely self-sufficient in terms of beef production in 1998, to, within a few years, becoming the second largest beef importer in the world.

Unbelievable.

Of course, now they have an even bigger problem.

Venezuela’s currency is in freefall, and foreign reserves are dwindling.

So not only has beef production collapsed, but now the country can no longer afford to import beef either.

Beef imports to Venezuela are down over 80% this year compared with 2014.

And what little beef does enter the country is subject to the government’s severe price controls.

This has caused massive shortages and empty grocery store shelves– textbook consequences that any high school economics student could predict.

Prosperity isn’t achieved by government price controls, redistribution policies, and bureaucratic regulations.

It’s achieved through freedom. By giving people the opportunity to work hard and take risks. And letting the market determine prices and the allocation of resources.

That’s supposed to be what capitalism is. In fact, that was the last entry on the T-shirt:

Capitalism: You have two cows. Sell one and buy a bull.

Sadly this is no longer the case.

Certainly the West is in much better shape than Venezuela. But the vast regulatory apparatus being built in the so-called ‘free world’ is simply appalling.

Here in the Land of the Free, the federal government alone issues or proposes over 80,000 pages per year of new laws, rules, and regulations.

This means that, right now as you read these words, you are likely in violation of a dozen different regulations that you’ve never heard of, each of which can carry severe criminal, civil, financial, and administrative penalties.

Children get chased away from running lemonade stands. Teenagers get turned in to Homeland Security for going door-to-door offering to shovel their neighbors’ snow.

Businesses must suffer a constant onslaught of new regulations, licenses, permits, and taxes.

Meanwhile the government continues to expand its debts at an astonishing rate, saddling future generations with the obligation to pay a bill they never signed up for.

And the entire financial system is manipulated by an unelected committee of central bankers who fix the price of money (i.e. interest rates) as foolishly as the Venezuelan government fixes beef prices.

This is not the path to prosperity either. In fact, if I were to update the T-shirt for today, I would include these entries:

US government: You have 330 million cows. You milk them down to the last drop, tell them that they’re the freest cows in the world, then train them to be afraid of men in caves.

 

Federal Reserve: You have two cows. You give them to the banks for free. The banks slaughter them and eat all the meat. You conjure money out of thin air and buy them two more cows.

 

Wall Street: You don’t actually have any cows. But you rake in billions from selling out your own customers and illegally manipulating the price of milk. The government gives you a slap on the wrist.

 

Silicon Valley: You have two cows. They don’t produce any milk, and your operation loses $500 million per year. Top VC firms invest in your cows, valuing your company at $25 billion.

 

US small business: You have two cows. You cannot sell the milk without a permit. You cannot drink the raw milk that comes from your own cows. The government fines you $10,000 for failing to file form BS-01519.

 

US big business: You have two cows. You hire the former head of the FDA to be your corporate ‘advisor’. You get a huge government contract. Now you have two million cows.

How about you– any ideas?

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26 Comments
Hope@ZeroKelvin
Hope@ZeroKelvin
October 16, 2015 7:01 pm

Why does that cow metaphor read like a freaking epitaph for America?

Stucky
Stucky
October 16, 2015 7:15 pm

New Jersey ….. You have two fuckin’ enormous cows. Dumber than whale shit. You take them to Princeton. They fuse the cows together. Now he’s governor of the state.

Hope@ZeroKelvin
Hope@ZeroKelvin
October 16, 2015 7:19 pm

@Stuck: Post of the Day.

TE
TE
October 16, 2015 7:41 pm

@Stuck priceless

Michigan: You have two cows, both from breeding stock that goes back 150 years. Government declares your cows are the wrong color, thus labeled “feral.” Your cows are slaughtered, nobody can use the meat and then you are jailed for eight years for failure to destroy your family’s farm and life’s work.

Apologies to the pig farmers that are actually living this. Cows are ok for today.

Constman54
Constman54
October 16, 2015 7:47 pm

Great Post!!

Nami
Nami
October 16, 2015 8:30 pm

You buy shares of a milk etf. When you want physical delivery, you discover the milk and cows have been financialized and hypothecated 100 times.

rhs
rhs
October 16, 2015 8:37 pm

Communist take the cows and put their minions on committees (soviets) to manage the cows, milk and meat but use the people as slave laborers or shoot them for ideological reasons. Fascist want people to produce like hell so the Elite can take half the profits but if you are a useless eater or object to anything they will shoot you. Capitalist are fascist but they hate to waste expensive bullets so useless eaters just starve. Socialist are liberals are in fantasy land and all cows are shared equally but no one actually does any work so there is no milk or meat and everybody raves on about the benefits of eating greens and bark; socialist don’t kill but they torture resistors relentlessly with sensitivity classes.

Westcoaster
Westcoaster
October 16, 2015 8:41 pm

@Stucky: Funny!

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
October 16, 2015 8:47 pm

You have two cows, the government pays you not to milk them. You could sell the manure but the government has that market cornered.

You have two cows, it has been verified by the NSA.

You have two cows, the free shitter agitators call you a rassit and suggest you hand one over so they can go away.

You have two cows, some pervs want to have sex with them. The government shuts you down for promoting immorality.

You have two cows, Syrian war refugees want to worship them. The government demands that you perform gay marriage or they will shut your bovine church down.

You have two cows, animals rights agitators want to cut your throat.

You have two cows, one is mysteriously killed and dismembered, the media overruns your farm in search of the chupacabra.

fear & loathing
fear & loathing
October 16, 2015 8:52 pm

sounds like bernie’s uthopia, great post. best way to frame a message

Nami
Nami
October 16, 2015 8:52 pm

Washington dc: spend millions of taxpayer’s money to find out if it’s a black cow with white “spots” or a white cow with black “spots.”

If the cow doesn’t have equal or more black areas compared to white, it’s considered racist and additional black is added.

If a cow is all white it’s a KKK white supremacist and is subjugated to white guilt.

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
October 16, 2015 9:47 pm

You have two cows, the bull decides it wants to be a cow also, you get no more milk than before but the media hails it as a hero.

You have two cows, one has a huge ass, it gets its own reality show

AC
AC
October 16, 2015 9:51 pm

Cow ETF: You don’t have two cows, but you tell people that you do, and convince them to buy shares of your imaginary cows, because liquidity – which is also imaginary.

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
October 16, 2015 9:51 pm

TE says: Apologies to the pig farmers that are actually living this. Cows are ok for today.

You have two cows, the government wants you to feed them corn and keep them locked in the barn.

EL Coyote
EL Coyote
October 16, 2015 11:42 pm

AC, your a hoot. Cows do tend to hold their value over time.

Maggie
Maggie
October 17, 2015 4:08 am

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Maggie
Maggie
October 17, 2015 4:09 am

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hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
October 17, 2015 5:51 am

“Cattle obviously require a lot of land; and running a profitable cattle operation often means having thousands of acres or more.”

Says the man who has never had cattle.

Government is an barrier to any type of productive behavior because it exists to a) extract a portion of your labor in order to pay for it’s existence and b) have a non producer dictate how to something to a producer.

The original form of Republican Liberalism as created by the founders stayed as far away from producers as possible because it understood that they were the drivers of innovation, invention and profitability. Our early government wasn’t really a government at all, it was a mutual defense pact against government consigned by free men who happened to be productive. The colonists who created this country- as opposed to the mythology of the immigrants who allegedly did- had no government support, it was sink or swim and the earliest settlers were exactly the type that were willing to take a risk predicated upon their own devices. Atlas Shrugged wasn’t a novel, it was biblical. Endlessly arguing over the philosophical underpinnings of each particular form of mass government is senseless- there isn’t any difference between them in terms of operations- extract from the producers to redirect to the non-productive classes at the top or the bottom until you exhaust them and collapse into revolution, anarchy or demographic displacement. There has never been any other outcome.

chowderhead
chowderhead
October 17, 2015 7:47 am

I have a bull and the supreme court say’s I can milk it?

bryan
bryan
October 17, 2015 8:19 am

VERMONT:

you have two cows. you put them into a pristine field that you don’t even dare to walk on for the risk of losing your organic certification. the cows shit, and you collect it into a big pile. you put a white wig on the pile, and somebody notices the shit is leaking smelly brown stuff from the bottom. you put the smelly brown stuff on a campaign poster, and the pile with a white wig runs for president on the comparative merit of the shitpile drippings.

overthecliff
overthecliff
October 17, 2015 9:53 am

HSF as usual feet planted firmly in reality. The moochers and looters do what they will and reality is still there.

underfire
underfire
October 17, 2015 11:18 am

hardscrabble farmer says:

“Cattle obviously require a lot of land; and running a profitable cattle operation often means having thousands of acres or more.”

Says the man who has never had cattle. ”

……Huh? For many years I personally ran 300 mother cows on about 20,000 acres of BLM ground, and that was for 6 months of the year. This is in SE Oregon. I think the rebel cattleman Wayne Hage in Nevada was running on something like 700,000 acres.

Wip
Wip
October 18, 2015 9:41 am

A cow needs 75 acres each?

AC
AC
October 18, 2015 6:58 pm

Re: Wip says: A cow needs 75 acres each?

SE Oregon is pretty much desert. It’s the same or higher in the desert southwest – many acres per cow, rather than many cows per acre.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_Desert_%28Oregon%29
http://www.cattletoday.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=55467

Maggie
Maggie
October 18, 2015 7:28 pm

This makes me think of the late not so very great Sam Kinneson saying “Move out of the Fucking Desert!”

jamesthewanderer
jamesthewanderer
October 19, 2015 5:39 pm

I think you and HSF are arguing two sides of the same coin.

IF you have plentiful running water, good grass and decent climate you can raise a few cows on a few acres. IF you have scrub, stunted grass and little water you need more acreage.

I haven’t raised cattle; I understand the Japanese keep their cattle in barns, rub them down (massages) and feed them grain, using almost no acreage for the cattle themselves. But there’s a reason Kobe beef brings those high prices!