WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

1222

Why is that thing on your head? Do reptiles even eat cheese dipped pretzels? Do they technically always have lizard breath? So many questions.

1220

Ohhhhhh! Somebody got you with an epic wedgie nerd!!!!!….or you just nasty. I’m hoping for the epic wedgie theory.

1221

I feel bad for any dude you’re about to hook up with because I’m not sure a trained surgeon could cut those jorts off dat ass.

1219

I’d say this dude is a little behind the times but being a fox wasn’t even cool back in 2002.

1215

Sure, why wouldn’t you have a baby goat. While I can’t say it’s not adorable, I can say I don’t think it belongs in Walmart.

1217

The Dinosaurs are extinct homeboy. And if Darwin is correct, I highly doubt you were the strongest of the species to survive….RAWR!!!!

1216

I’ve heard of a potty mouth and a shit head, but I’ve not actually seen them literally in function.

1218

Funny, I don’t see any of your people chanting “long live the queen” anywhere.

1212

Old St. Nick-Nack looks like he’s about to slap a ho ho ho.

1211

I’m not sure where da Ho Ho Ho’s at sir. I’m also not sure if that custom “black santa with a pick comb in his beard” sweatshirt you have on is racist or not. Can Latinos be racist to black people? Can I even laugh at that shirt now it’s 2015? I’m a white guy so I can’t confidently or legally answer any of these questions.

1214

Shopping at Walmart on Christmas Eve,
I turned the corner and what did I see?
A big red thing staring back at me.
I needed some vanilla pudding to continue to bake,
the sight of this, my eyes could not take.

1213

For real, you are extremely close to bringing down an icon and a entire brand that has been built up for over 16 years. That’s impressive.

1207 1206

Clearly this man is crazy. Nobody in their right mind likes Bud Light that much!!! People barely like Christmas that much.

josseleen-elida-lopez-mug

LECANTO (CBSMiami) – A woman was arrested at a Lecanto Walmart on Tuesday after eating sushi, most of a rotisserie chicken and cinnamon rolls while drinking wine and driving a motorized shopping cart around the store.

The Citrus County Sheriff’s Office arrested the woman on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges.

Deputies arrived at the store on Tuesday after receiving a call from a loss prevention employee who informed them of the alleged shoplifter that he had in custody.

The woman, identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25, was held after consuming $32.36 worth of food and wine. She told detectives that she is homeless.

The employee observed Lopez acting strangely and noticed a half-empty bottle of wine inside the motorized cart.

She was found to have consumed cinnamon rolls, mini muffins, a rotisserie chicken with sauce and two bottles of S. Home wine.

Deputies found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, one in her purse and one in her backpack. She told detectives that she had used the syringes earlier to inject crystal meth.

Lopez told the deputies that she was hungry and didn’t want to bring the food outside when asked why she drove around the store eating and drinking wine.

She further acknowledged that she knew what she was doing was wrong.

1209

Ughhhh, no wonder The Grinch is so angry and miserable all the time.

1210

How To Train Your Dragon – Step 1: You don’t have a dragon. You’re not a dragon. Dragons are not real, grow up and get a job.

See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart

3
Leave a Reply

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Anonymous
Anonymous

The mex girl is very lucky she was caught.She will go through detox in prison,and hopefully she does not have meth mouth yet.

IndenturedServant

That chick that got busted for stealing and eating $32.36 worth of food and wine is a serious underachiever. If I’m going to break bad like that, the cork on the wine I steal will be worth $32.36! I will never understand these penny ante thieves volunteering to have their cornholes reamed out for NOTHING!

I’m going out BIG when I break bad!

MuckAbout

If I were going to be a sober serious criminal, a little chicken and wine is way far below those expectations.

Just go blackface, put on a hoodie and gloves and rob any bank around. Then ride your stolen golf cart around the corner, abandon it, hop in your (stolen) Corvette and go count the loot.

Think big – it’ll earn you bigger time in the slam..

MA

Discover more from The Burning Platform

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading