Failure To Get Into Private College To Be Most Financially Responsible Act Of 17-Year-Old’s Life

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Saying the turn of events will greatly benefit the 17-year-old’s economic security, sources confirmed Friday that local high school senior Emily Harrison’s failure to get into the University of Southern California, a private academic institution, will be the single most financially responsible act of her entire life. According to reports, Harrison’s rejected application, which she spent weeks preparing in hopes of spending four years at her “dream school,” will save the young student a total of nearly $370,000, including $205,768 in tuition, $3,714 in fees, $57,392 in room and board, and $101,670 in student loan interest payments. The rejection, which led a visibly devastated Harrison to agonize over whether she should have participated in more extracurricular activities or obtained additional letters of recommendation, will reportedly allow her to avoid a period of 10 years or more in which she would have struggled to repay her loans, inevitably racking up credit card debt to cover basic necessities and ultimately leaving her unable to buy a home. Sources said the teen will still face financial disaster if she follows through on her long-term plan to enter a PhD program, which would require her to spend approximately one-fifth of her adult life bringing in little to no income.

Via The Onion


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rhs jr
rhs jr

She is White and Over-qualified for college and government work. A piece of advice: the guys that were accepted will want to marry you but tell them their application is tentatively disapproved but they are welcome to resubmit for final disapproval.

Dutchman
Dutchman

Much of college education is now morally / intellectually / financially bankrupt.

The colleges are now diploma mills, where the highest paid are the sports coaches.

College was the ticked in 1950 – but that was 65 years ago.

Anonymous
Anonymous

The Onion isn’t amusing any more, way too much like the real news now.

gilberts
gilberts

Thanks, Anonymous. I was wondering if it was just me, or if reality is getting so weird the Onion doesn’t seem funny anymore. It’s getting so I can’t tell real news from fake news anymore.

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