WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

How high does your confidence level have to be to assume she’ll say yes in a Walmart?

Can we call the art of something bad, good? I think so. Shoutout to medium_artist on Instagram for putting his time into showcasing the wonderful world of Walmart. We thought we were the only assholes dumb enough to spend time cultivating this stuff.

This is why I stopped hiring babysitters off of Craigslist. Mr. Peepers’ resume just doesn’t stack up for my liking.

To be fair, when you got legs that are the same size the entire way down from thigh to ankle, you gotta showcase those beasts.

Damn girl, you don’t have to spell it out. We’ll know when you’re strutting to the bathroom like a penguin on speed.

Hey stop for a second and picture this: You…wearing pants. Whaaaaat? I know it sounds crazy, but just hear me out. It will change the way people look at you forever.

What in the world? You can’t even act like you don’t know your big ol’ ass is hanging out. Ain’t nobody wanna see them moon craters. Lift them britches!

Well I think it’s safe to say we’re all pretty excited that you’re at least looking at shirts. The first step is admitting there is a problem.

I’m pretty sure when you’re in danger this Batman just rolls up with a ton of bass in his trunk, gets out of his Batmobile and tells you all about vaping.

Apparently “shame” must fall into that category of everything you want because you clearly don’t have any.

You ever order something that looks super awesome online only to find out it’s awful when it finally arrives? I feel like she WANTS someone to get a peek of her meat curtains.

It’s that new style called “make you fall into a seizure.” It’s super hot right now.

Guess she knows the…KEY…to a good selfie? Ehh ohhh! I’m here all night. Seriously though, I find the inner battle of taking a selfie hilarious. You wanna take one ’cause you be lookin’ good, but then you be lookin’ so stupid as you take one. Beautiful.

It looks like someone woke you up in the middle of the night and yelled “You have 45 seconds to get ready for a stripper contest. And Go!”

Girl, you got your bootylicious bubblegum out for the whole world to see and those flippy floppies won’t cover up a damn thing! Sick covert over the shoulder selfie by the way. Hope you don’t get fired.

There should be an opacity chart in all changing rooms when you’re trying on your yoga pants. Someone get on that.

I don’t want to rain on your parade. I can see by your emoji that you are having a great time. I just thought I’d let you know there are less time consuming ways to look like an oddball. Seriously, just browse this site, you’ll find thousands of easier ways.

I feel like Jeff Foxworthy is somewhere hiding in a clothing rack uncontrollably cumming all over himself.

You look like a superhero hooker. And I should clarify. I don’t mean you have superpowers. I mean you look like a hooker strictly for superheros.

Ah yes, the mightiest tool of them all….at least we believe so.

In our superhero version of “Who Wears It Better?” I’m going to force all of you to decide who you’d actually let try to save you if you were in danger…and no, “just let me die” is not an option.

See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart