I thought this exclusive photo obtained through my unnamed CIA sources was conclusive evidence that Osama Bin Laden was dead.
But on a crisp Spring morning today I was travelling my normal route to work and made my left turn onto the 30 Blocks of Squalor. I came up to the first stop light. I was listening to the Rolling Stones Greatest Hits and Sympathy For the Devil was playing. I look into my rearview mirror and to my horror, there he was.
Driving a cab on the 30 Blocks of Squalor was none other than Osama Bin Laden. He had the dirty gray and black beard. He had the turbin. He had the rotten yellow teeth. It was the devil himself. Now I knew why Obama wasn’t releasing the photos of a dead Bin Laden. He wasn’t dead. He was under deep cover in West Philly on the Squalor. The sign on top of the cab was a dead giveaway.
I kept staring in my rearview mirror and I think the top terrorist on the planet noticed. I’m sure he saw the BurningPlatform.com bumper sticker on the back of my Insight. I was in the middle lane and eventually Bin Laden pulled up on my right and I swear he winked at me. As we approached 57th and Chestnut, the Muslim section of the 30 Blocks of Squalor, I got all the proof I needed. Bin Laden the cab driver pulled over in front of The Islamic Place.
And what does he do next? He gets out of the cab, puts down his prayer mat and starts praying to Allah.
So there you have it. Conclusive proof that Obama and his minions have committed the biggest conspiracy since 9/11. It was clear there was no gunshot wound in Bin Laden the cab driver’s head. You never know what will happen or who you’ll run into on the Squalor.