I absolutely hate shopping. I hate Malls. I hate consumerism. I hate debt. Black Friday disgusts me. I have only gone shopping one time on Black Friday, about ten years ago. Wal-Mart had an unbelievable price on a basketball hoop set. I arrived at 6:00 am and had to park a half mile away. The people in the store acted like savages. Much like these people.
Americans have cornered the market in shallowness and materialism.
We do about 80% of our Christmas shopping on Amazon. It takes me about one hour. Teenagers are easy to buy for. You may have noticed the Amazon button on the right side of the page. If you are going to follow my lead and shop on-line, make sure you do it through that button. It doesn’t cost you more, and I get 6% of the purchase price. Every dedicated TBP doomster has their list and they’re checking it twice.
- Ammo
- Bunker Building for Dummies book
- Bag of junk silver
- More Ammo
- Anti-depressants
- Viagra
- Every gun on the market
- GOLD
- More Ammo
- Giant red dildos
- 101 Uses for the word moron book
- Hug a Boomer buttons
And you can’t forget the new line of doomwear at the TBP Store of Doom:
How can you possibly drink that hemlock in another mug?
And introducing our new line of Boomer wear.
Mikey says:
Admin – I’m so dissapointed!
nowhere on your list is either a) booze or b) a still for making booze!
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2nd December 2011 at 2:38 am
Colkma Rising says:
Mikey:
That’s because a little exercise won’t fix yur baldnesss!
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2nd December 2011 at 2:50 am
AKAnon says:
Embrace the Doom. I am somewhere between moderate and full doom, which makes me relatively optimistic here on TBP. I get my jollies by spreading my melancholy to sites & folks who haven’t yet figured out yet that we are all royally fucked. Nothing better than pissing in someone else’s Wheaties, I always say. (Is “Wheaties” a trademark that I can get Admin in Dutch with by using w/o credit????) Since we have already established that interstate commerce to Alaska has no sales tax, I may need to order a “doomed” mug & t-shirt.
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2nd December 2011 at 3:27 am
AKAnon says:
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for TBP, for providing me news I would have to look long & hard for elsewhere, and Doom humor that is unavailable elsewhere at any price. A small donation is in the mail.
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2nd December 2011 at 3:30 am
Administrator says:
Mikey
I was hoping my creative members would add to my list. I was kind of tired when I wrote it up.
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2nd December 2011 at 7:29 am
flash says:
No Thanksgiving would be complete without spinning Alice’s Restaurant @ least one time on the old turntable.
And for those of you who no longer have a turntable or vinyl, there’s always youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjKF7aQthcQ
Live your life so that the fear of death can never enter your heart. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light. Give thanks for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. And if perchance you see no reason for giving thanks, rest assured the fault is in yourself.
Chief Tecumseh, Shawnee Indian Chief
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2nd December 2011 at 7:58 am
Administrator says:
flash
I planned on making that a post. Thanks for reminding me.
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2nd December 2011 at 7:59 am
flash says:
@admin
Your very much welcome.
And now if i don’t get to baking my cloverleaf honey rolls, I’ll be in for a thankless Thanksgiving dinner from an entire family of turkey gobblers.
I’ll need a stiff one this evening .hopefully, the issue of politics can be skirted or likely there will be blood.LOL
Have a nice one….I’ll pop in between bakes.
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2nd December 2011 at 8:13 am
Administrator says:
Flash
We’ve got it easy. I just need to drive 30 minutes to Avalon’s sister’s house, plant myself on the couch, drink beer, occasionally insult one of my brother-in-laws, watch 3 football games, chow down on turkey, and drive home.
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2nd December 2011 at 8:23 am
flash says:
@admin-
same here.most my family live within 30 min.
We were much closer when I lived 1,000 miles away.
I just love it when controversial issues come up and my kin with liberals arts graduates have no counter argument other than rolling their eyes……..makes me want to black one.
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2nd December 2011 at 9:25 am
Administrator says:
I stick to football and small talk at family gatherings. No need to rile up the relatives. They all know I have a website, so they can see my views any day of the week.
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2nd December 2011 at 9:32 am
newsjunkie says:
I’ve never been shopping on Black Friday. To me, its always been a day to stay home and enjoy family. But I will need to order a new mug soon – somebody swiped mine from the kitchen at work! Can you believe it?
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
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2nd December 2011 at 10:32 am
Dragline says:
The women-folk will go to tea on Black Friday (or some such thing). I think I’ll take the boys to a Civil War battlefield. Nobody will shop.
Now, ARE YOU READY FOR THE FOOTBALL! This ought to be the best NFL on T-Day in our lifetimes.
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2nd December 2011 at 11:19 am
Muck About says:
Where I live, we hold a community wide Thanksgiving celebration. Sort of like a giant pot luck with the Community Association furnishing the turkey, dressing and gravy and makings. I helped set up the club house yesterday. Since we are a 55+ community a lot of families (like mine) are scattered from Baltimore to Hawaii, making a family get together kind of tough.
Next best thing is a gathering of all your friends and neighbors and munching absolutely fabulous home cooking and desserts with your turkey, dressing and great conversation and fellowship.
There is no such thing as an “eat alone” Thanksgiving in our neighborhood!
MA
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2nd December 2011 at 11:54 am
Muck About says:
On Subject: Black Friday has never and will never see my wallet.
MA
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2nd December 2011 at 11:54 am
TeresaE says:
Admin says, “…I absolutely hate shopping. I hate Malls. I hate consumerism. I hate debt. Black Friday disgusts me. I have only gone shopping one time on Black Friday, about ten years ago…”
Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto and 16 years.
I once ran a small hunting accessory business. My boss came to me on November 2 or 3rd one year and dumped a stack of TEN contracts on my desk. They were contracts for mall kiosks.
I (somehow, I still am not clear how I managed it) staffed, trained, wrote demonstration pitches, ordered inventory, obtained sales tax licenses, negotiated the contracts and opened all ten kiosks (spread out over a couple hundred miles) on the Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday before Thanksgiving.
I barely liked shopping before that. Since then it goes one step past turning my stomach to itching because a full parking lot can make me start to break out in hives.
Thank gawd for the internet or most of those on my gift list would get cash or checks.
I just can’t make myself go. Can’t do it.
Because it is usually just hub, darling daughter & me for Thanksgiving, we go to one of the hundreds of buffets that are close to the house. Tonight I’ll throw a pork roast in the oven to snack/eat over the next few days. Easy peasy.
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2nd December 2011 at 12:10 pm
Stucky says:
Teresa
Nice post, as always. But you’re the one person on TBP who I believe has had more jobs than me.
We (my parents, Ms. Freud and I) will be going to my sister’s house at 7PM for coffee and cake. No huge dinners … no fuss, no muss. Just the way I like it. We will argue about Obama endlessly (she still likes him). By 9PM I’ll have had enough of her shit — and will she of mine — and we’ll part ways angry at each other’s maroonish political views. Another successful holiday!!
Tomorrow I’ll stay home all day … as I have done every Black Friday all my life. Fuck shopping!!!
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2nd December 2011 at 12:23 pm
Colma Rising says:
Hey… I want that shirt.
Make it for real and I would order 10.
Not a joke.
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2nd December 2011 at 1:14 pm
Diogenes says:
Here y’go Colma – it’s real – no joke
http://www.zazzle.com/bbes_t_shirt-235717631624580391
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2nd December 2011 at 1:48 pm
Colma Rising says:
Oh hell yeah…
Black shirt with white letters would be awesome.
Every time, without fail, I wear white, some clown gives me pasta with marinara.
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2nd December 2011 at 1:53 pm
Diogenes says:
Lest anyone didn’t notice, tomorrow is…
BUY NOTHING DAY
A 24 HOUR MORATORIUM ON CONSUMER SPENDING
http://occupywallst.org/article/occupyxmas-kicks-buy-nothing-day-nov-2526/
TBP purchases excepted
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2nd December 2011 at 1:55 pm
Colma Rising says:
D:
I aint buying shit tomorrow…
Roomate, bless her heart, bought all I need for the weekend…
Costco jug of Makers Mark and a pack of Black and Milds.
Three pounds of bacon.
A can of chile the size of Texas.
Another box of double ot and a stack of tortillas, a block of cheddar, and some Simpler Times to wash it all down.
I only pray when I’m happy, and I pray today.
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2nd December 2011 at 2:02 pm
Administrator says:
Colma
I made that shirt just for you. It is for real.
Click the TBP Store of Doom link.
You might want to wait for a sale before buying 10.
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2nd December 2011 at 2:12 pm
Diogenes says:
Maker’s Mark – oh, yeah…
Sits right next to my Macallan
Short walk to Carta Blanca in the fridge
Here’s to you and to simpler times…
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2nd December 2011 at 2:13 pm
Administrator says:
Colma
Avalon will make a black version with white letters by tomorrow.
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2nd December 2011 at 2:14 pm
Colma Rising says:
Yeah, I cant believe that shit’s made in china and still over twenty bucks…
I’m definitely buying two.
I need the money for my Amazon shopping…
That’s right. Amazon on TBP.
Fourth Turning on the list for some folks.
Some fucker ripped off my girl’s nook too. Thats on the list now.
Some Illuminati cards, maybe a nerf gun for roomie.
All through the fucking Amazon link.
Just click the fucking link.
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2nd December 2011 at 2:18 pm
Colma Rising says:
Admin:
Awesome!!! I’m not kidding at all…. my girlfriend says I need a bib.
She’s right.
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2nd December 2011 at 2:34 pm
llpoh says:
I think we all should take a minute to wish RE a Happy Thanksgiving. He will be surely shivering in his isolated shack, staring at his Picasso and typing his 5000 word missive all alone. That is so sad to contemplate.
Happy Turkey Day, RE.
Happy Turkey Day, Everyone!
We natives taught you all too well. Don’t you think it is time to go home yet?
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2nd December 2011 at 3:54 pm
SSS says:
Played golf today, and I’m playing again tomorrow. I’d rather stick a needle in my eye than go shopping on Black Friday, which I have never done.
Happy Thanksgiving, gentlemen. You, too, Admin. Happy Thanksgiving, ladies. You, too, newsjunkie.
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2nd December 2011 at 4:32 pm
Colma Rising says:
Happy Thanksgiving….
I’m with llpoh: Now scram, paleface!!!
OK, just kidding.
Now, about those brutes in Baltimore… Can the Glorious 49ers, led by the incarnation of His Excellency Bill Walsh, Jim Harbaugh, overcome the distance and the short week to lay waste to his brother’s monstrous D?
The Harbaugh Bowl has me worried.
I’m going to have three servings and fatten up for the winter. I hope the 9ers can serve up three servings of whoopass to the villainous Ravens.
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2nd December 2011 at 5:52 pm
matt says:
Go Niners, go turkey, go vodka, go TBP, have fun with family.
And pretty much fuck everything else. Happy Thanksgiving!
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2nd December 2011 at 6:18 pm
Wyoming Mike says:
Happy Thanksgiving James!!!
I’ll add the Mr Beer. Buy the one with the lager, 2 2-gallon batches of beer for under $45, a steal.
Also, Amazon is a great deal for us SOB’s too cheap to donate to TBP.
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2nd December 2011 at 9:47 pm
Colma Rising says:
The Ravens tore through the O line like tissue paper, defeatin the Glorious… but stopped short… 49ers.
At least the mashed potatoes were exquisite…
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2nd December 2011 at 11:35 pm
avalon says:
In case anyone is interested Zazzle.com has a black Friday promo code – ZBLACKFRIDAY. Its good for $5 off t-shirts and $3 off mugs. Sale ends in just a few hours though. Here is the link to tbp store:
http://www.zazzle.com/theburningplatform
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2nd December 2011 at 7:56 am
Colma Rising says:
I hope the deal’s still there… woke up late.
Lo and behold I’ve but half a costco jug now… must make it last til tomorrow.
Needless to say, Colma is sauntering like a zombie to the coffee pot.
Yet lo and behold there is some noisy hens in the kitchen yelling “Get out of the way” as they prepare bacon and eggs.
Not a work of fiction.
Life is good.
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2nd December 2011 at 2:09 pm
Colma Rising says:
THEY HAVE “WERE DOOMED” BEER STEINS
Oooooh yeah, bichez
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2nd December 2011 at 2:37 pm
Colma Rising says:
One more thing:
Choose American Made (or assembled, I suppose) products in the store of doom, when possible… really not that much more.
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2nd December 2011 at 2:44 pm
AWD says:
Nice post, love the BBES t-shirts. Me and Colma have been served well.
Now all we need is a Stuckenboomer t-shirt
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2nd December 2011 at 11:53 am
KaD says:
Celebrating spiritual death on Black Friday: http://carolynbaker.net/2011/11/25/celebrating-spiritual-death-on-black-friday/
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2nd December 2011 at 12:00 pm
Maddie's Mom says:
“Black Friday disgusts me.”
and
“I just can’t make myself go. Can’t do it.”
Ditto to both.
That’s all.
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2nd December 2011 at 9:51 pm