There was a story we had to read in the second grade… a little yarn in one of those giant glossy, hard-bound books filled with tales in large print we had to enunciate during class. Why I remember it clear as day, I can’t say for certain, other than I have a very long memory that spans into the earliest years of my life, clear as day in many ways, completely blurry in specifics. Maybe it was the moral of the story that stood out, but I couldn’t tell you who wrote it, what it was called or give any real duplication of it but what follows:
The story was about a family (Puerto Rican maybe) with three generations living in the household. The grandmother made some soup or stew on special occasions, and one day she decided to make it.
Mmmmmm…. [whatever] Soup
As she was preparing the ingredients in the morning, the father saw her working and knew what was coming. He expressed his excitement that the [whatever] soup was for dinner, but had a special request:
Perhaps she could put in less spices, maybe hold the salt.
She said “OK, I can do that”. So he says thanks and goes to work.
Later that morning, the mother passes through doing whatever and says
“We use too many potatoes, could you try making it without them?”
Gram Gram says OK, I’ll do that just for you. The mother leaves to milk cows or whatever she does.
Later, big sister passes through on the way to do whatever… play dominoes or some shit… and sees the [whatever] soup is on. She is delighted at what’s on the menu and asks of her abuela:
“Could you maybe not make that with [whatever meat] this time?”
Gam gam says “Of course…. I will make it without the [whatever meat], just for you”
Then the little brother passes through on his way to play stick ball or whatever the fuck he was doing and says “Yaaay! [Whatever] soup is my favorite!”
“Could you maybe not add the onions, though?They make me cry like a bitch…”
“OK” Granny says, “I’ll hold the onion so you don’t cry like a bitch”
Finally, the family is off doing whatever the fuck they do in the story which details like what the conversation or soup was I can’t remember…. And the granny makes soup and gets the table ready and everyone comes home, starving for some [whatever] soup. When they’re all at the table, she fills all their bowls and sits down and they all start to eat…
“Granny” they all begin to say, “There is something wrong…”
Granny asks what…
“Our soup is just hot water!”
To which Grandma replies:
“Well, that is the soup that makes all of you happy, so enjoy your dinner you pack of in-gracious, selfish fucking curs!”
(OK, so maybe not so harsh, but something to that effect.)
What am I, Colma Rising, the Jefe Magnifico, Muy Guapo, y Fuerte, getting at?
The Burning Platform is a one-of-a-kind website. Most regulars, and I suspect even a large volume of lurkers undoubtedly find it, in a way, addictive if not highly entertaining and informative.
The Administrator and others have referred to it a a “wild west” site where most anything goes…. which is true to an extent…. but that isn’t the sole reason why it’s such a cult success.
Some see it as a tool for economic insights and contrarian angles on such.
Some see it as an alternative news outlet.
Some see it as a forum for their thoughts and ideas.
Some see it as a great place to argue for argument’s sake 
Some see it as so much more…
Well, sometimes people see The Burning Platform as their own personal outlet and often express “I don’t like this material” or “This poster is bad for the site” or “I want to leave because of so-and-so’s comments” or “boo hoo waaaaah waaaaah I’m a blubbering baby and that offends me”…
By now I hope you all get my point. The Burning Platform is a favorite of many people because of what The Burning Platform is. It is an uncommon recipe that many find to be their favorite supper. If you don’t like something about it, you can tell the Great Granny Of TBP the Admin to hold that specific ingredient to tailor the site to your tastes…. But for your own sake, you had secretly hope he doesn’t change a thing.
One day you might log on and find that we’re all being served a nice steaming bowl of water.
Because at the end of the day, this site is the forum for which The Administrator posts his work. Every other aspect of The Burning Platform is periphery…. the side effects of his idea, his sweat, his decision on who will contribute, how the comment section is governed and what the TBP soup tastes like is up to him.
So quit your blubbering, children, and take your medicine
efarmer says:
Nice post. Yep, an uncommon place, a little addicting. A place to let our hair down.
Plus, a great site where you see great graphs, charts and pics combined. EF
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20th October 2012 at 7:07 am
Administrator says:
Admin’s (Grandma’s) response to anyone who thinks this site should be more serious, more civil, more neo-con, more pro-Romney, more pro-Obama, more pro-9/11 conspiracy, more pro-global warming, or more moderated:
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20th October 2012 at 7:40 am
Administrator says:
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20th October 2012 at 7:45 am
harry p. says:
Well said colma.
Dont change a fucken thing.
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20th October 2012 at 8:21 am
taxSlave says:
+100
TBP is a good hearty honest recipe.
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20th October 2012 at 8:33 am
avalon says:
Love this post, Colma.
The people on this site may bicker, or whatever. But I can tell that the regular commenters, and ALL of the Big Dogs on here, have pretty big hearts.
And most of them are funnier, smarter and wittier than I can ever be. You are all very entertaining!
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20th October 2012 at 8:48 am
Zarathustra says:
This site needs to be more pro-Israel. Or else.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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20th October 2012 at 9:12 am
Stucky says:
I love your threads, Colma …. except for your choice in retarded music. lol
I HATE it when a regular poster leaves for good. HATE. IT.
With the exception of DP (and his aliases), I’ve never wanted anyone to leave forever, even RE. I was truly pissed when AWD said ‘Adios’, although I believed he would come back. EVERYONE is an ingredient in our own special sauce, and their absence only makes the sauce weaker.
I miss Smokey.
And, Howard.
And, Sandy Eggo.
And, RE.
And, SAH (although she still posts once in a great while)
And all the rest.
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20th October 2012 at 9:52 am
AWD says:
Funny stuff Colmes. This place wouldn’t be the same without you, amigo.
Those old Irish grandma’s run a pretty damn good site
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20th October 2012 at 10:05 am
AWD says:
Admin takes criticism in stride. He is open to new opinions, conspiracy theories, alternative points of view, people with low I.Q.’s, and the mentally challenged, draft dodgers from Canada, hypocrites from Alaska, Monday morning quarterbacks, amateur economists, and the truth disseminated by the mainstream media outlets and the bureau of labor statistics. He is sympathetic to the plight of the downtrodden victims in W. Philly and across America, and is progressive in his thoughts and actions. A true leader and voice of the post-American empire, a visionary for America 2.0., accepting and tolerant of all.
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20th October 2012 at 10:15 am
Stucky says:
A Monkey Circle Jerk —— the LAST thing we need
Ahhhh …. this is soooo much better!
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20th October 2012 at 10:19 am
TeresaE says:
Nicely done Colma, nicely done.
This place is incredibly addicting. It has now become my longest continuous internet addiction to date.
And I do lunch it just the way it is. Wouldn’t want it any other.
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20th October 2012 at 10:42 am
Stucky says:
“I do LUNCH it …”
What the hell???
“You got some ‘splaining to do, Lucy!”
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20th October 2012 at 10:45 am
sensetti says:
I feel the need to say something relevant here, but absolutely nothing comes to mind, so I will leave this small factoid that you may find useful someday.
A baby elephant can drink over 80 liters of milk a day. Damn that’s a lotta milk
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20th October 2012 at 10:53 am
ecliptix543 says:
MONKEYBALLS!!!!!!!
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20th October 2012 at 10:59 am
Muck About says:
But not TBP..
MA
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20th October 2012 at 11:05 am
Stucky says:
The beauty of Googling.
Fun elephant facts I gleaned from severl sources.
=============================================
1 —- Homosexual elephants, which are well-documented, mate year-round, but an elephant cow (female) is fertile for only a few days each year.
2 —- Baby elephants are initially blind and some take to sucking their trunk for comfort in the same way that humans suck their thumbs
3 —- Males will leave the herd as they become adolescent, around the age of 12, and live in temporary ‘bachelor herds’ until they are mature and live alone.
4 —– Elephants, humans, and Neanderthals are the only animals known to have death rituals. If the elephant had a particularly close relationship with its deceased peer, it can show signs of depression. (oh oh … this will piss off llpoh). There are also reported cases of elephants burying dead humans.
5 —- Elephants from the last glacial period weighed 17 tons.
6 —- Jumbo, the famous elephant was real … an African bush elephant born in 1861 … and died at the age of 24 when he was hit by a train.
7 —- Elephants normally only sleep 2 or 3 hours each day because they need to spend time eating to support their huge size, as they can eat up to 325 pounds of vegetation every day.
8 —- Elephants will throw sand on their backs and on their head to keep from getting sunburned.
9 —- Elephants don’t like peanuts. They don’t eat them in the wild, and zoos don’t feed them to their captive elephants
10 —- An African elephant can detect seismic signals with sensory cells in its feet and also “hear” these deep-pitched sounds when ground vibrations travel from the animal’s front feet, up its leg and shoulder bones, and into its middle ear.
11 —- Elephants are some of the most intelligent animals on Earth. Their brains weigh 12 pounds, much more than the brain of any other land animal. Their brains have more complex folds than all animals except whales, which is thought to be a major factor in their intellect. They commonly show grief, humor, compassion, cooperation, self-awareness, tool-use, playfulness, and excellent learning abilities.
12 —- The elephant trunk is a specialized nose. It allows them a high degree of manipulation of objects and elephants are adept tool-users. Elephants have been taught to paint with their adroit trunks and produce some fascinating artwork.
Un-freaking-believable!!
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20th October 2012 at 11:16 am
sensetti says:
Stucky
You have simply failed to answer the most pressing Elephant conundrum. Why are Elephant grey?
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20th October 2012 at 11:39 am
Colma Rising says:
Whatever….
Let’s see:
I have to put up with people equating poor to stupid.
I have to listen to rich motherfuckers tell me that unless I’m wearing rags and sipping puddle water from a used McDonalds cup, my tuition should be raised.
I have to listen to how my minority friends are genetically inferior, then watch a terrabyte of pictures describing white millenial kids as tattooed, pierced fuckups with no future in the same sentence.
So what…. I like calling people “Mullet Clad Goose-steppers”, “Shit-eating Boomer curs”, “Cock-gobbling hooker” etc. etc.
So be it… It’s all good.
Don’t change a thing.
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20th October 2012 at 11:43 am
Stucky says:
There were once two general species of elephants; the Nigga-phant and the Cracka-phant. They almost annihilated each other. One day a male Nigga-phant fucked a woman Cracka-phant … cuz all the other female Nigga-phants were looking for free shit – and the outcome was a grey elephant.
The male Nigga-phant left soon after the porking, leaving the female Cracka-phant to raise the grey child by herself. But no matter how hard she tried to get baby grey to say “Nigga-phants suck ass!”, she just couldn’t do it.
Being that the female Cracka-phant had so many folds in her brain, she soon realized that the end to racial strife was rooted in her own child. Thereafter, she and all other female Cracka-phants only fucked male Nigga-phants. It only took one generation of such fucking to produce all the grey elephants you see in the world today.
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20th October 2012 at 11:58 am
Stucky says:
While I believe the above story to be true, some asshole scientist has this explanation;
“Elephants and other large gray animals such as hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses have trouble ridding themselves of heat. Black radiates heat most efficiently but by the same token also absorbs it quickly. White reflects heat but is an inefficient radiator. If elephants were white they would not rid themselves of their body heat quickly enough; if elephants were black they would rapidly overheat when out in the sun, although they would radiate efficiently when in the shade (assuming they are warmer than their surroundings). Gray may turn out to be the right compromise color for heat balance in large animals and thus would be anything but a neutral adaptation.”
http://www.ryanphotographic.com/Elephants%20grey.htm
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20th October 2012 at 12:00 pm
Colma Rising says:
And I do lunch it just the way it is
-TeresaE
“Lunch is leaf-like…. You and me baby”
-The Minutemen “Another Hit Song”
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20th October 2012 at 12:09 pm
sensetti says:
Thank you Stucky, as always you have informed, educated, and enlightened us. The Grey in an Elephant is no longer a mystery. There are people reading this blog who would have passed into the next life without ever knowing what makes an Elephant grey. Knowledge is power
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20th October 2012 at 1:04 pm
ron says:
The hotty at the top,reminds me of a friends comment.He said if he was a hot chick he would never work anouther day in his life.
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20th October 2012 at 1:28 pm
Stucky says:
Thank yeew, sensetti.
True fact. Anyone that googles “Nigga-phant, Cracka-phant” WILL get this post ont the first page, as the first entry. No one in trillions of web-pages has used this classification. Try it.
I envision thousands of students doing “elephant research” homework will soon be flocking to TBP. I’ll soon be signing autographs for five bucks a pop.
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20th October 2012 at 2:19 pm
AKAnon says:
CR-Fuckin’ A
Stucky, re TE’s “And I do lunch it just the way it is”-short memory. It’s a bitch getting older, eh?
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20th October 2012 at 2:59 pm
Colma Rising says:
So I level a scatter-blast at every whining cur and all we get is a fucking love-in?
Is a BBES thread the only way to get into a brawl around here anymore or what?
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20th October 2012 at 4:56 pm
AKAnon says:
Colma-The way things are going these days, folks may be more interested in circling the wagons than brawling. That’s not a policy change, just an attitude. I, for one, am trying to keep my head down until after the election. Unfortunately, my work demands some travel-I’m always nervous about getting caught away from home (& preps) when TSHTF.
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20th October 2012 at 5:05 pm
Stucky says:
Colma,
Blow me, asshole.
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20th October 2012 at 5:51 pm
Stucky says:
Sorry. That’s the best I can do. I’m worn out from hitting all the Farmers Markets today … three of em.
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20th October 2012 at 5:52 pm
Colma Rising says:
The only blowing Sticky gets is from a ten-cent crack-whore fifty dollars later….
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20th October 2012 at 6:48 pm
Stucky says:
Colma — that crack ho was your sister.
sensetti — In the rhinoceros species there was the Nigga-ceros and the Cracka-ceros, and one day ……. well, you know the rest. More unique google hits!!
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20th October 2012 at 8:40 pm
Llpoh says:
Colma – I am waiting for a good brawl. Ragdouche has finally showed up again. I think he finally felt enough time had elapsed for me to forget his abusing me then running like a mangy cur. Too bad for him that is not the case – I fully expect him to go back into hiding now that he realizes I have not forgotten.
Yoohoo – Ragdouche – where are you, boy? Come out come out, where ever you are.
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20th October 2012 at 8:49 pm
Colma Rising says:
Poor Ragman. He motherfucked one of his allies and doesn’t realize that only the fires of a hefty spitting match can fix the broken weld. What can you do, llpoh? He scurried off.
Too bad.
I would have gladly roasted both of you single-malt slurping, fat-cat boomer geezers together. Oh well….
Maybe the Dentist will be a sufficient stand-in.
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20th October 2012 at 10:00 pm
Novista says:
Very creative style, Colma.
There’s an old saying, “If you try to please everyone, no one will like it.” True enough but it doesn’t have the zing of your post.
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20th October 2012 at 12:00 am
TeresaE says:
Stucky, a time back (weeks? days?) someone had a thread where they were substituting the word “lunch” in place of “love.”
I love TBP just the way it is.
Twas being a smartass. Sorry, can’t help myself sometimes.
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20th October 2012 at 1:56 am
sensetti says:
I will throw this here under whatever soup, maybe those young folks have more grit than I thought; this 12 year old girl damn sure has some sand.
12-Year-Old Exercises Second Amendment: “When I Saw the Door Handle Turn, I Shot Him”
http://www.shtfplan.com/headline-news/12-year-old-exercises-second-amendment-when-i-saw-the-door-handle-turn-i-shot-him_10212012
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20th October 2012 at 10:39 pm
sensetti says:
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20th October 2012 at 10:42 pm
Novista says:
Great story, sensetti
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20th October 2012 at 11:18 pm
Colma Rising says:
Until next time….
COLMA OUT!!!!
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20th October 2012 at 12:18 am
Granny’s Bad Dinner’s « Auntie Aura's Confessions Corner says:
[...] [Whatever] SOUP…. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT (theburningplatform.com) Share this:TwitterFacebookRedditLinkedInStumbleUponLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. Tags: Auntie Aura, bad cooking, Childhood Confessions, Confessions Corner, Cooking, dodgy dinners, funny, Gardens, Grandparent, Granny, humour, Summer holidays Comments RSS feed [...]
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20th October 2012 at 6:05 am