POWERBALL ECONOMY

16 comments

Posted on 30th November 2012 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

16 Comments

  1. Administrator says:

    Powerball Winners Already Divorced, Bankrupt

    November 29, 2012 | ISSUE 48•48 | More News

    DEARBORN, MO—Less than 24 hours after last night’s Powerball drawing, reports confirmed that the two winners of the $587 million jackpot are both already divorced from their respective spouses, alienated from their friends and families, and completely bankrupt.

    According to sources, while Debra McInery, 56, of Dearborn, MO and Chris Linden, 32, of Fountain Hills, AZ were elated upon winning the record-breaking lottery prize, both quickly blew through the roughly $192 million lump sum they each received, spending it on various failed business investments, reckless gambling habits, and costly divorce proceedings.

    “They just don’t tell you how quickly the money goes,” said McInery, who since last night has reportedly received a nine-figure check, purchased a $300,000 luxury vehicle, separated from her husband, spent more than $14 million on a custody battle, and undergone eight cosmetic surgeries. “My family and I were thrilled when we saw the winning numbers on TV, and an hour later I was being sued by my parents and defaulting on the payments for my Manhattan townhouse.”

    “I lost everything,” McInery continued. “My children, my friends, my home. Everything.”

    Records indicate that in addition to racking up millions in debt, both McInery and Linden have had all their assets seized by government officials, barely survived a number of home invasions, and developed dangerous addictions to alcohol and prescription painkillers.

    Linden, who before winning last night’s Powerball was reportedly single and working as a claims adjuster in Fountain Hills, has since quit his job, exchanged vows in a lavish wedding ceremony on a private Caribbean island, and been through a divorce. Sources confirmed he is now barely making ends meet by working as a cashier at the same 4 Sons Food Store at which he purchased the winning ticket.

    “The worst part is how quickly everyone turns on you,” said Linden, explaining that within an hour of meeting his now-ex-wife, she had married him, cheated on him with a close friend, and taken half his winnings in a divorce settlement. “My friends and coworkers all called to congratulate me when they found out I won, and then 45 minutes later we were all fighting each other in court.”

    “By morning I had been confined to a drug treatment and rehabilitation center,” he added. “That was when everything really went downhill.”

    While acknowledging that McInery and Linden’s lives were ruined in a startlingly brief span of time, lottery officials noted that the two have managed to avoid the pitfalls of most jackpot winners, who are typically found dead within six hours of their numbers being announced.

    “Money changes everything,” McInery told reporters from the jail cell she was confined to after her arrest this afternoon on fraud and conspiracy charges. “One minute you’re imagining how you’re going to spend this massive fortune, and by dinnertime you realize you’ve spent 100 percent of your winnings, you’re the victim of identity theft, and you have absolutely no one to turn to.”

    “And this is all before taxes,” McInery added.

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    30th November 2012 at 8:42 am

  2. TeresaE says:

    We’ve been the lottery economy for a long time.

    Lotteries and mega-settlements seem to be the only way to retirement and leisure, unless, of course, you are a paid for life gov drone or FSA disability recipient.

    Ah, the American dream in action. Hitting the lottery, then suing the crap out of somebody.

    I’m sure this is the path to prosperity and the return of our nation to greatness.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 8:56 am

  3. ThePessimisticChemist says:

    I bought my ticket not far from those yokels.

    Call me jelly.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 9:40 am

  4. MuckAbout says:

    @PC (alias “jelly”): First you admit to shopping on Black Friday and now you admit to buying lottery taxes – er, tickets.. I have a good friend who counsels those with irrational impulses that I’d like to recommend to you!

    MA

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    30th November 2012 at 10:07 am

  5. youcanthavemyglock says:

    TBP members’ official source of income = lottery tickets

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 10:10 am

  6. Roy says:

    Which would you rather do?
    1. Win the lottery
    2. Win a multimillion lawsuit against a Fortune 500 Co
    3. Be elected to Congress

    Only an idiot would select options 1&2. Your grandchildren would be in court fighting endless appeals against a Fortune 500 Co. But if you were elected to Congress you would collect salary for life, have better sick care than a Saudi Prince and could only have your retirement revoked if you were convicted of Treason. Even though most Congress Critters are guilty of Treason non will ever be convicted.

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    30th November 2012 at 10:35 am

  7. Jelly says:

    @MA “First you admit to shopping on Black Friday and now you admit to buying lottery taxes – er, tickets.. I have a good friend who counsels those with irrational impulses that I’d like to recommend to you!”

    I needed a new computer man, and say what you want about black friday, you won’t be able to find cheaper computer parts all year long. That was the extent of my Black Friday shopping, so in this….forgive me?

    As for the Lotto Tickets, LEAVE ME ALONE I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM I ALMOST WON GEOGRAPHICALLY SPEAKING I WAS SOOOOOO CLOSE ERMERGAWDDDDDD

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 3

    30th November 2012 at 10:43 am

  8. AWD says:

    That admin post was hilarious. Deserves an onion, unless he C&P’d it already.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 12:05 pm

  9. Administrator says:

    AWD

    That was an onion story.

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    30th November 2012 at 12:24 pm

  10. TeresaE says:

    @aka-Jelly, I KNOW! A million dollar winner was sold within ten miles of my house! It’s like kismet! I’m bound to win.

    Of course I’d have to play, but I don’t, hub does though (then he can say “he told me so” when he wins…lol).

    Though I did not win, I, personally, didn’t lose either. My hub had won $4 on the $2 he spent last Saturday, I turned that ticket in and bought one for Wed’s drawing, plus a knock-off 5 hour energy to keep me company at work.

    So, technically, I won Wednesday. Take that suckers!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 12:30 pm

  11. JIMSKI says:

    So the 1.1 BILLION dollars spent on tickets . Does that subtract from GDP or add?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 12:30 pm

  12. JIMSKI says:

    O by the way I will admit I threw 2 bucks in on the shop pool for a shot. I already had the money spent. Was going to take the advise of some here and leave the USA. Was thinking here.
    http://www.victory-cruises.com/pool.html
    A salt water pool where the deep end is 150 feet.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 12:44 pm

  13. ThePessimisticChemist says:

    @TeresaE – I payed $6, I won $8. I think its time to get out of the game while I’m still a winner.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 3:10 pm

  14. ASIG says:

    If a person has no skill in managing money, the amount is irrelevant.

    I’ve seen a number of cases where a young person receives an inheritance from a parent or grandparent who died and left sometimes substantial amounts with the intent of providing the youngster a “head start” to buy a house or pay for an education. Each case there was no supervision and the young person received the money at the age of 18.

    One, a grandson of a friend of mine inherited about 130K. All the money was released to him about a year ago, between the drugs, girlfriend, and impressing friends, it’s already all gone.

    About 15 years ago my step-sun’s friend inherited around 350K. In that case I don’t think drugs were involved, it was more about living the good life. New cars (yes plural), girlfriend, trips to Cabo for the whole gang, and in less than two years, it’s all gone. The stories of those two years are priceless. As an example one little tidbit, this kid was hot for this chick so he buys her a new BMW convertible and then puts it IN HER NAME!!! I was told years later that he only tapped that pussy ONE TIME!! Now that is one expensive POA.

    Another kid inherits some serious money in the M’s. Goes out and pays cash for a new Farrari and one of those crotch rocket/ninja bikes. The kid must of felt invincible and on top of the world. He’s on his bike doing something between 80 and 100 mph on a city street and plants his face into the grill of an SUV.

    From what I’ve observed, most cases where someone didn’t have the experience in managing money and then come into a large sum, they usually don’t manage it well.

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    30th November 2012 at 4:52 pm

  15. efarmer says:

    123068_600.jpg

    EF

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 9:00 am

  16. TeresaE says:

    @TPC, woot! woot! winner, winner, chicken dinner! Or, at least part of Chicken sandwich from McD’s

    Maybe that is why I don’t want to go to the casinos anymore, I won $1800 on a slot about 14 years ago, and with the few times I’ve gone back, I’m still way ahead. No sense in gifting back my “winnings.”….lol

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    30th November 2012 at 11:15 am

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