New Jersey Residents Avoid Rising Floodwater By Climbing To Top Of Chris Christie
October 30, 2012 | ISSUE 48•44 | More News
EWING, NJ—Heeding the instructions of state officials and emergency personnel, thousands of New Jersey residents were able to escape Hurricane Sandy’s devastating floodwaters Monday by ascending to the crest of Gov. Chris Christie and riding out the storm atop the first-term Republican. “According to flyovers conducted this morning, several thousand citizens from Sandy Hook to Cape May—including almost the entire population of Atlantic City—followed our advice to climb up Mr. Christie’s legs and torso to reach the highest point of the governor,” said New Jersey emergency management director Rick Fuentes, noting that there were numerous food provisions located throughout the moderate Republican’s clothing that could be accessed by those currently stranded on him. “Thankfully, Gov. Christie has a strong, solidly built foundation and was easily able to withstand gusts of up to 90 miles per hour, as well as a fast-moving storm surge. So we ask the thousands of you still clinging to the governor to just hold tight—and don’t worry, because that thing’s not going anywhere.” Fuentes then stated that rescue boats and helicopters were being mobilized and urged the remaining citizens stuck atop Christie to be patient and avoid straying too close to his mouth.
Welshman says:
Fat people float well, he is a President Taft wanta be.
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30th November 2012 at 9:13 am
AWD says:
At least he’s good for something. Imagine when the day comes, the day the people have had enough and the criminal politicians are dangling from lightposts, just imagine the effort needed to hoist up Chris Christie. Holy cow.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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30th November 2012 at 12:17 pm