The comments on Zero Hedge about this video are priceless. I’ve included a few below the video.
Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: “If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors”
Submitted by Tyler Durdenon 02/01/2013 20:48 -0500
Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,
Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: “If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors”
We first heard about this from a New York Post article on the topic. Then we watched the video for ourselves. It’ll make you want to defund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately. While the whole “grab scissors” to defend oneself during a mass shooting is pretty amusing, the more disturbing part is that 90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air. All the while police in black uniforms and “assault weapons” race in to save the day! The video is a great representation of how the DHS views the citizenry. Feeble, helpless, pathetic little children. You’ve gotta watch it for yourself!
Never bring a pair of scissors o a gunfight… Oh wait!
This comes from the same fountain of wisdom that advised duct tape to defend against chemical attacks.
If you want my scissors, you’ll have to pry them from my cold dead fingers. No, really. If I’m expected to either cower under my desk or defend myself with office supplies, I’ll most likely end up dead. How about packing heat? So I can shoot back? What my buddy has a firearm too? What if Ellen from HR is also armed? What if we stop pretending that the only way we’ll survive an attack is from a bunch of GED scholars?
Clint Eastwood “Do you feel lucky punk?” (holding a pair of scissors)
Maybe if DHS would come out with a snappy tune we could hum we wouldn’t get so anxious while our co-workers are being slaughtered just a few cubicles over.
In the video, they forgot the last step. Get a plaque in your honor which names that wing of the school in your memory.
Just went to Cabela’s website, and they are completely out of scissors! You can’t even back order them! At Cheaper Than Dirt, scissors are going for $850 a pair! On Gunbroker, everyone is hoarding scissors! Profiteering is everywhere! Deja vu!
“90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air” 90% of the economy consists of the same
just play paper scissors bullet. hint pick bullet, it trumps everything.
Lol. Thank god for Big Sis. I was planning on throwing post-its at them, but now I know better.
We could have stopped him but it was a scissor free zone.
The government has hoarded all the scissors, for the new scissors for guns program they are coming out with next week.
In New York, California, Illinois, etc… you are limited to round nose scissors like you had in kindergarten.
As a brainwashed Canadian, I used to think like TwoShortPlanks. That all changed when I was robbed at gunpoint. THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO. The experience helped me to get clear. I WILL NEVER BE HELPLESS AGAIN. That lesson carries special weight given the macro trouble that we see brewing. Predators prefer easy prey.
AWD says:
When they outlaw scissors, only outlaws will have scissors
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2nd February 2013 at 10:18 am
AWD says:
DHS is also advocating children learn “kung fu” to protect themselves from assault weapons.
The Department of Homeland Security wants Americans to fight back against violent gunmen with the most effective means of self-defense without the risks associated with gun ownership: Kung fu.
The DHS has recently posted a training video on how to use such items as scissors to defend against an armed assailant. But this only the start in what DHS officials believes will be a popular transformation of American culture, from gun-toting cowboys to high-kicking martial artists.
“Many Americans remember the popularity of David Carradine’s gentle Kwai Chang Caine on the TV show ‘Kung Fu,” said Sally McClusky, a mass murder defense analyst with the DHS who is working on the new program. “We want more Americans to identify with him than all the cowboys he fought, all using his bare hands.”
McClusky says that President Barack Obama is very interested in moving American culture away from a gun-oriented society to one that is more peaceful. She said that the President has instructed the Department of Education to begin working on a new meditation curriculum for Kindergarten through Third Grade, after which students will begin martial arms training.
“For our part, DHS wants Americans to be safe without the risks associated with firearms,” said McClusky. “As we move away from gun ownership, unarmed self-defense is the natural direction that things will lead towards.”
Using existing videos from Hong Kong, DHS and the DOE are working on school training programs for teachers to defend their classrooms using such Kung Fu styles as Drunken Boxing, Eagle Claw, Five Animals, Hsing I, Hung Gar, Monkey, Bak Mei Pai, Praying Mantis, Fujian White Crane, Jow Ga, Wing Chun and T’ai chi ch’uan. Students will also see changes in their physical education requirements as traditional team sports will be replaced with group exercises and katas, which are formulated series of moves designed to teach students the necessary moves associated with the martial arts style they are studying.
The First Lady (Michelle Obama) has already decided that the Let’s Move program needs a drastic make-over in the fight to combat childhood obesity,” McClusky said. “You don’t see fat people doing kung fu, right? By getting Americans hooked on Kung Fu films and practicing unarmed martial arms techniques, we can get a whole lot of people healthier and safer at the same time.”
McClusky said that some teachers, due to medical conditions such as chronic obesity or PTSD will be excused from participation in the program. The DOE is planning to mandate that all teachers unable to handle the physical rigors of martial arts training will be paired with a classroom-based ‘sensei’ who will double as bodyguard and physical education instructor.
“We think that the meditation program will also help with classroom discipline,” added McClusky. “Plus, kung fu movies are full of positive messages like working towards your goals and standing up to bullies.”
This program is likely to be followed by a new DOE mandate banning all firearms, including those carried by security guards or police, from school campuses under what is now being called the ‘Empty Hand Zone’ where all campus defense will follow the kung fu model of unarmed combat.
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2nd February 2013 at 10:21 am
AWD says:
These are the new standard issue scissors by DHS and the Department of Education:
These dangerous scissors will soon be banned (run out today and buy your kids a few pair while you still can):
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2nd February 2013 at 10:25 am
AWD says:
And for God’s sake and for their protection, enroll your kids in martial arts classes, so they can defend themselves against assault weapons….
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2nd February 2013 at 10:27 am
Administrator says:
How DHS wants the sheeple to defend themselves
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2nd February 2013 at 10:28 am
AWD says:
Since children are known to like fuzzy animals, those are best suited to act as role models in raising the next generation of gun-free, empty-handed citizens.
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2nd February 2013 at 10:31 am
sangell says:
Why is DHS even making this film. Federal agents never respond to an ‘active shooter’ situation until it is over, that is, unless it is Federal agents who are the ‘active shooters’ such as at Ruby Ridge and Waco. The Feds show up afterwards to ‘assume command’ of the investigation and tell the local cops who actually stopped the killer to get out of the way now that the big boys are here.
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2nd February 2013 at 10:43 am
BUCKHED says:
Big Sis will defend herself with a douche bag….being one allows her to keep one on her person at all times.
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2nd February 2013 at 10:53 am
DaveL says:
When DHS was asked recently why they purchased 15,000 select fire assault rifles, the reply was, “FOR SELF DEFENSE.”
Ah. Good for thee, but not for me. Fark You!
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2nd February 2013 at 11:36 am
ASIG says:
Any scissors over 10 inches in length with pointy ends and with black evil looking handles would have to be considered assault scissors and should therefore be banned.
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2nd February 2013 at 2:05 pm
MuckAbout says:
Never seen such bullshit in all my advanced years…. They order true assault weapons and advise you to use scissors?
I wonder how you illustrate “asshole idiots squared” on a blackboard…..
MA
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2nd February 2013 at 3:03 pm
AKAnon says:
OK, the scissors were pretty laughable. I’d be a lot happier rummaging through my desk drawer and coming up with a 1911. But if scissors was all I had, I’d go for it. All in all, the video had some good advice. I know it seems ridiculously obvious the the sharp members of TBP, but consider the audience it was intended for. The sheeple are mostly retarded, and don’t have the foresight to even consider this shit. I bet the video keeps some obnoxious or brain-damaged civilian from getting smoked by LEOs. Hmmm, maybe that is not such an admirable goal after all.
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2nd February 2013 at 3:46 pm
Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: “If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors” - RV News Today says:
[...] Dhs – “Come to a Gunfight With Scissors” [...]
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2nd February 2013 at 5:53 pm
KaD says:
When I first started reading this I thought it was an Onion piece. Good grief.
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2nd February 2013 at 6:48 pm
Novista says:
After my training here, I will submit a proposal for a Fuk Yu © coordinated counterattack program — the unbeatable power of Shit Throwing Monkeys acting as one. Big Sis will love it.
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2nd February 2013 at 7:55 pm
Eddie says:
Why use scissors when you could just go after the shooter with a stapler and stk-stk-stk-stk him to the wall.
Oh yeah, they have high capacity magazines. Guess that’s out.
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2nd February 2013 at 8:05 pm
KaD says:
Speaking of gun fights thought you’d love this gem: Man who organized gun control demonstration is a convicted rapist: http://www.buckeyefirearms.org/node/8759
Consider the source; that’s all I’m saying.
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2nd February 2013 at 11:14 am
AKAnon says:
KaD-4 out of 5 felons surveyed preferred restrictive gun laws for the their victims. The fifth one was lying.
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2nd February 2013 at 11:13 pm