Palestinians, Israelis Come Together To Mock Obama’s Hopelessly Naive Speech
Israelis and Palestinians stood together, in total harmony, and agreed the President’s speech was really silly and laughable.
JERUSALEM—Coming together for the first time in generations, Palestinian and Israeli citizens were reportedly seen gathered at the West Bank today mocking President Obama’s hopelessly naive speech proposing the possibility of a two-state solution.
According to sources, members of both sides of the longstanding conflict united in fits of laughter and sarcastic applause at what they called an “extremely impractical” and “actually pretty hilarious” address.
“Give me a fucking break,” said Palestinian citizen Hassan Tannous, 42, who, along with Israeli man Dov Eshel, rolled his eyes after Obama claimed that an independent Palestinian state is a viable and sustainable option. “The guy really thinks we’re all going to work out this centuries-old war built on generations of religious and cultural resentment because he said some nice things about both sides—what an idiot.”
“Oh God, and he really looked like he actually believed everything he was saying,” added Tannous, who peacefully joined hands with Israelis and Palestinians and came together to mock Obama’s remarks. “It really was pitiful, and sort of charming in a really simple-minded way.”
Following the address, sources said Israelis and Palestinians spent over two hours standing among one another, reportedly slapping each others’ backs and repeating their favorite parts of the American president’s gullible calls for both sides to negotiate and make hard choices about peace.
Reports also confirmed that both sides exuded a hearty laugh after one of the Israelis mimicked a portion of Obama’s speech in which he described a world where “Jews and Muslims and Christians can live in peace and prosperity in this Holy Land.”
Sources confirmed that during this time not a single mortar shell was fired and not a single innocent civilian was shot.
“I think President Abbas and I can agree that the speech was one of the silliest things we have ever heard,” said Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu, who was flanked by the Palestinian president, Mahmoud Abbas. “We have come together to announce that there is very little chance of a two-state solution and violence will probably persist, but we both strongly believe that the president was just absolutely adorable up there today.”
“And together, we can make fun of the president much more effectively than if we were apart,” he added.
Sources reported that the unity between the Israelis and Palestinians continued well into the afternoon, when, after the laughter died down and eventually gave way to silence, three suicide bombers ignited their vests and sent everyone scattering back to their sides.
bluestem says:
More truth than folly in this one. John
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22nd March 2013 at 10:12 am
AWD says:
In other news, our Secretary of State has issues of her own:
Let’s Get Serious About Federal Lesbian Studies
Some conservatives have claimed that the recent $1.5M federal study of why lesbians are fat and the $2.7M federal study of why lesbians have higher ‘risk for hazardous drinking’ are wasteful and downright silly.
However, as Figures A and B below show, this information is vital to our national security and foreign policy.
Instead of cutting funds for this important research, we should expand it to more areas, spending a minimum of $2M on each study below.
A Tentative List of Additional Important Lesbian Studies
If a lesbian is in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and she turns on the headlights, what actually happens?
If a drunken lesbian falls in the forest, does she make a sound – particularly, if she is fat?
If lesbians are females who are said to have come out of their shells, can there ever be lesbian turtles?
Can a lesbian clap with one hand?
Do fat lesbians get that way to make other lesbians feel thin?
When hazardous-drinking lesbians cook with wine, do they ever add any to the food?
Why does a lesbian always do whatever is next?
When lesbians tell their phobias, do they give clues as to what they are afraid of?
Can lesbians hear sounds non-lesbians cannot?
Did prehistoric lesbians carry clubs and drag their mates by their hair?
If lesbians see a heat wave, do they wave back?
Is there lesbian bacteria?
Why do lesbians frequent gay bars?
Has a lesbian UFO ever landed?
Do lesbians dream in color?
Are there lesbians who have never owned a pair of Birkenstocks?
When a lesbian thinks about the past, does it bring back memories?
Are there lesbian Siamese twins?
Remember: the more federal money we invest into this research, the more effectively our scientists at the Karl Marx Treatment Center will be able to guide us as a nation out of the current economic and cultural crisis we inherited from all the previous administrations combined.
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22nd March 2013 at 11:53 am
TeresaE says:
…“Oh God, and he really looked like he actually believed everything he was saying,”…
Now that’s some funny shit, especially in light of EVERY speech I have ever seen the man make I’ve thought the same exact thing.
He, Pelosi, Boehner, McCain, Reid, Bernake, etc BELIEVE the crap they spout.
Or, they have mastered the Seinfeldism of “it’s not a lie if you believe it.”
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22nd March 2013 at 1:02 pm
daddysteve says:
?…..not sure where Admin. was going with this one.
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22nd March 2013 at 1:03 pm
AWD says:
Obama is an embarrassment to all Americans.
In an historic move to heal wounds between the U.S. and the Zionist Apartheid State, President Barack Obama has started the first international diplomatic tour of his second term with a stop in Israel.
In an equally historic move, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reached out to Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas with a request to make peace with Hamas so that they could resume joint rocket attacks against Israel for one day.
“We understand the peace process has dragged on, but if the Palestinian Authority and Hamas could set aside their differences for this one day, and maybe work on their aim a bit, we’d really really appreciate it,” said Netanyahu. “We promise not to retaliate.”
Netanyahu seemingly tried his best to help Hamas with their historically abysmal aim by re-positioning Obama repeatedly during ‘photo opportunities.’
Reports indicate that at least four Hamas rockets were fired on Obama’s first day in Israel. None of the rockets came close to their target, which was unfortunate for the two West Bank families, who inadvertently got entirely wiped out. This gave Al-Jazeera an opportunity to blame the 23 deaths of Palestinian non-combatants on Israel.
~
Obama continued on to the West Bank today to meet with Abbas, where he unexpectedly likened future Israeli-Palestinian problem-solving mechanisms in a two-state solution to those used between the U.S. and Canada – VIDEO.
Canada responded by firing several rockets at Casper, Wyoming. The homemade rockets fell short, killing several cows and destroying a barn and out-buildings belonging to the Johnson family just outside Bismarck, North Dakota.
“There can be no so-called friendly diplomatic solutions between the U.S. and Canada,” said Canadian Prime Minister, Seal Harpooner. “Not as long as they give up their secret plan to push us into the sea and take all our bitumen! We have tried diplomacy and they turned down a free bridge into Michigan. Friendly solutions, my cheddar! And we want our Cup back.”
No group had taken responsibility for the rocket attacks as of press time, but sources suggested they may have been the work of the University of Regina’s Amateur Model Rocketeering Club.
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22nd March 2013 at 1:29 pm
AWD says:
Jews voted for Obama in ’08 and again in ’12. Can somebody please explain that to me again?
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22nd March 2013 at 1:36 pm
howard in nyc says:
here ya go, AWD. this is for Zara as well.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-sarcastically-asks-how-israel-afforded-such,31750/
[b]Obama Sarcastically Asks How Israel Afforded Such A Great Missile Defense System[/b]
News in Brief • Politics • politicians • barack obama • ISSUE 49•12 • Mar 20, 2013
JERUSALEM—While touring Israel’s “Iron Dome” all-weather missile defense system Wednesday, President Barack Obama sarcastically asked Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu where he got all the money to build such technologically advanced equipment.
“Boy, you’ve gotta have some pretty deep pockets to afford something like this—how much did you say this ran you guys?” asked Obama, who later added that the cutting-edge system designed to intercept both short and long-range missiles must have “cost Israel an arm and a leg.”
“I mean, wow. I didn’t know you guys had this much in the old war chest, but apparently you do. Really, really impressive stuff. No wonder you’re so independent.”
Sources say Obama’s sarcastic comments came after facetiously asking how much money Israel’s warplanes set them back, at which point Obama cut Netanyahu off and said, “I know exactly how much.”
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22nd March 2013 at 2:14 pm
Administrator says:
daddysteve
See the onion at the end of the story? It’s funny Friday.
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22nd March 2013 at 2:28 pm
Zarathustra says:
What’s the point of this trip?
by Philip Weiss on March 21, 2013 82
What is the point of this trip? I have no idea, except for Obama to say the name Bibi ten times, as he did yesterday during their press briefing, on this their tenth meeting.
“As Bibi mentioned… As Bibi has just formed a new government… I have shared with Bibi… What Bibi alluded to… etc.”
As usual, the Onion is the only outlet saying the emperor has no clothes, that Obama flew 5000 miles to fake a relationship: “’this is a completely pointless visit and a waste of everyone’s time’… Obama reportedly said out of the corner of his mouth while he and Netanyahu smiled broadly and waved to the gathered crowd.”
The mainstream press is going along with the charade. Brian Williams repeatedly used the phrase Israel’s “tough neighborhood” on NBC Nightly News last night.
Memo to my fellow white people: This phrase has racist connotations in American political history. Do you ever reflect that maybe it’s a tough neighborhood for Palestinians, who have been violently expelled from their property?
Erin Burnett at CNN used the trip as an opportunity to renew her association with Jewish Home party leader Naftali Bennett, whom she called Naftali, and whose racist policies she ignored, even when he was complaining that his children have to live a few miles away from Arabs.
Andrea Mitchell on MSNBC enthused about the fact that Obama repeatedly referred to Netanyahu as “Bibi,” and Netanyahu even called Obama Barack. Why is it so important that these men get along? Because of Iran and Syria, she says. She had on Jeffrey Goldberg and Avi Shavit of Haaretz and Martin Fletcher. It was left to Fletcher, the son of a Holocaust survivor who has thoroughly identified with Israelis, to say that Palestinians are not so keen on Obama.
Mitchell also evidently identifies with Israel. Some of her tweets; she calls him Bibi too:
Bibi: I’m absolutely convinced President is committed to Israel’s right to defend itself from a nuclear Iran
Obama calls Netanyahu “Bibi” both men send signals in word and demeanor of restart in chilly relationship
Fletcher said that Obama had snubbed Israel by going to Egypt to give his Cairo speech of 2009. Are Israelis really that self-centered? Yes. And the Israel lobby is also self-centered. Mitchell passed on this criticism in a tweet, quoting Fletcher:
“He did speak directly to the Arabs and ignore the Israelis” in 2009 Cairo speech.”
This is a falsehood. Obama spoke a lot about Israel in that Cairo speech; by my count he mentioned Israel or Israelis 23 times!
And yesterday Obama mentioned Palestine not once in his opening speech.
Of course Obama’s real mistake in Cairo was not citing the ancient Jewish connection to the land, as Annie Robbins has pointed out. On National Public Radio this morning, Jeremy Ben-Ami of J Street, which I thought was a secular organization, cited the Dead Sea Scrolls, which Obama will be seeing today, to say that Jews have been reading Hebrew in their homeland for over 2000 years. Karl Vick picks up the Cairo-error theme at Time Magazine.
If there was any question about why President Obama came to Israel on the first overseas trip of his second term — and the question has come up — it vanished into the brilliant blue sky above Ben Gurion Airport when he reached the end of the red carpet and the microphone waiting there. The leader of the free world had come to issue a correction. Four years ago, delivering an address to the Muslim people in Cairo, Obama had irked Israeli Jews by citing the Holocaust as the justification for the 1948 founding of modern Israel. Israelis prefer to reach a bit further back — they find their deed to the land in the Bible — and the misapprehension was aggravated by what Obama did when he left Cairo: fly past Israel to pay a call at Buchenwald, the World War II concentration camp….
“More than 3,000 years ago, the Jewish people lived here, tended the land here, prayed to God here,” Obama began, getting right to it on the tarmac. “And after centuries of exile and persecution, unparalleled in the history of man, the founding of the Jewish state of Israel was a rebirth, a redemption unlike any in history. Today, the sons of Abraham and the daughters of Sarah are fulfilling the dream of the ages — to be ‘masters of their own fate’ in ‘their own sovereign state.’”
Oh yes, another crazy reason for the most powerful person in the world to take three days out of his schedule to chum up to a horrifying, politically-weakened prime minister whom he privately detests, and even to flirt with the prime minister’s wife, describing her as a rose between thorns in the threesome’s photo opp.
Whatever the stated cause, this trip is about the lobby, about obeisance to a powerful political faction in the U.S. Obama’s biggest mistake is that he didn’t go to Israel before as president. He is only there because he privately promised to go there last fall as part of his “outreach” to the lobby. Just my assumption. It’s not as if the media are reporting it.
Meanwhile, I must read the Onion:
[Obama said to Netanyahu] “You won’t do what I want when it comes to stopping Israeli settlements, and I can’t do what you want in terms of dismissing Palestine. Now, pretend to laugh at what I just said so it appears like we get along.”
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22nd March 2013 at 3:09 pm
Zarathustra says:
Last night I watched Fox News for awhile…a rare occurance for me. So on the Greta Van Susterin show, she was talking to Newt Gingrich about Obama’s trip to Israel. Newt naturally lashed out at Obama over his lack of support for Israel criticizing aid to Eqypt, Syrian WMD, Hezbollah, etc. The question she didn’t ask, but begged to be asked was, “Speaker Gingrich, in the last election, your campaign received well over ten million dollars from uber zionist Sheldon Adelman, so why should anyone expect you to be remotely impartial on the subject of Israel?
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22nd March 2013 at 3:14 pm
AWD says:
Yawn, what’s the deal today? Everyone watching basketball?
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22nd March 2013 at 3:24 pm