It seemed like a good idea. Zero Hedge has a store. What could go wrong with creating the TBP STORE OF DOOM?
Well after two weeks, I’m running a deficit, just like the Federal Government. Avalon, believing she needed to verify the quality of the products, acted like a US Congresswoman and spent money the store hadn’t generated. She bought 3 shirts and a mug, generating an immediate $50 deficit. She said don’t worry, the sales will cover the costs.
After an initial flurry of sales, revenue is coming in as fast as employment in this country. So, after two weeks I’m running a $40 deficit. I’m waiting for Avalon to propose a stimulus program that will require the purchase of 3 mugs and a hat in order to jumpstart the sales. How could that go wrong?
SSS says:
You’re no longer $40 in the hole. You’re $7.55 in the black. Start thinking about how to handle the 50-60 new employees you’ll need to hire in the next 2-3 weeks.
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15th January 2011 at 5:59 pm
Administrator says:
SSS
Thank you. Just in the nick of time. I was going to furlough Avalon on Monday, but your generosity has saved her ass.
The Dept of Homeland Security is tracking every order and a red peg is placed on a map at headquarters.
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15th January 2011 at 6:34 pm
Tufftyklub says:
Hi guys been visiting this site for last 2 years and took the plunge today and signed up. just wanted to say hi.
BTW i ordered a t-shirt and stuff—Fuck me i thought i was a smidgen over weight –seems i’ve got nothin on u american fucks– a max size 66 inch waist !!!Thats fucked up that u r even offering that size.Tho i spose no one that lardy would be bothered to get off his ass and explore his(fucked up)world.so hi all and thanks for making me smile for the last 2 years.
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15th January 2011 at 6:37 pm
ragman says:
Tuffty: why would the size of someone else’s waist matter to you? Mind your own fucking bidness.
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15th January 2011 at 6:51 pm
Tufftyklub says:
ragman–it wasn’t someone else’s size that mattered to me,it was the sheeeeer size-thats fucked up whichever way u look at it-PS i am minding my own business coz i aint mentioning anyone in particular–unless i struck a nerve–u fat fuck
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15th January 2011 at 7:02 pm
Kill Bill says:
Those size 66 are for the Canadians that come to America to avoid the cold
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15th January 2011 at 7:41 pm
Kill Bill says:
Jim you can always put Avalon on a austerity program and extract revenue from her clothing and makeup budget. =)
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15th January 2011 at 7:42 pm
StuckInNJ says:
Tuffyklub — your 1st ever post indicates you will fit in VERY well here. Welcome aboard.
What country are you from? And for the love of God, please don’t say Sweden. We already have one of those.
I can’t order even the largest t-shirt … it’s too small … so, fuck off with the waist comments.
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15th January 2011 at 8:11 pm
SSS says:
tufftyclub
Welcome. Good job on holding your own on ragman’s traditional TBP greeting to newbies who post a comment. Now, clean up your capitalization skills, which stink.
There are something like 4,700 folks who have signed onto this site. And about 4,700,000 who have taken a look and said, “Holy shit. No way am I getting into that free-for-all.” The faint of heart need not apply.
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15th January 2011 at 8:15 pm
Kill Bill says:
‘Ello Tuffy, welcome to the flaming, uh urr, burning platform. Nice entrance.
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15th January 2011 at 8:19 pm
Administrator says:
KB
Avalon is a natural beauty. No makeup required.
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15th January 2011 at 8:26 pm
Kill Bill says:
Avalon is a natural beauty. No makeup required. -Admin
I stand corrected.
Now, about the makeup she gets for you….
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15th January 2011 at 8:34 pm
Kill Bill says:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/01/opponents-fracking-disclosure-big-money-industry/
Its not ethanol, but a form of energy, and IIRC fracking is an interest to you Jim
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15th January 2011 at 8:48 pm
Smokey says:
tuffyklub——Welcome aboard. Most of the regulars here, unlike me, are crass, insensitive and have no redeeming characteristics whatsoever. Best to ignore their ignorant, abusive rants and unwarranted attacks on people they don’t happen to agree with.
On the other hand, my comments are kind, gentle, and laced with uncommon wisdom and respect for my fellow bloggers. I am undoubtedly the most respected of all who hold forth on this forum, primarily because of my modesty, but also because of my stubborn refusal to resort to profanity, no matter how justified, and lastly, for the enormous respect I show to all who don’t happen to share my opinion on various issues. I look forward to many civil discussions with you.
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15th January 2011 at 9:18 pm
Administrator says:
Smokey – Secretary of State of TBP
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15th January 2011 at 9:36 pm
Kill Bill says:
Maybe the headline to this thread should be How Is Smokey Like a Politician cause he has just uttered the most preposterous prevarications possible,
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15th January 2011 at 9:36 pm
Kill Bill says:
Smokey – Secretary of State of TBP -Admin
Aberdeen Cutlet POTBP 2012!!
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15th January 2011 at 9:46 pm
llpoh says:
Tuffy – if you have been lurking for a while you understand that Smokey is a true gentleman, and respects all races, creeds and cultures. He is so tolerant, and so forgiving, we have nominated him for the next Peace Prize. He would be thrilled to share the honor with his favorite politician, Barack Obama. The only known way to rile Smokey even a little is to disparage Obama in any way.
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15th January 2011 at 10:11 pm
StuckInNJ says:
llpoh — Smokey’s Throat Yougurt Secretary
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15th January 2011 at 10:22 pm
Kill Bill says:
I wager tuffyklub is British
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15th January 2011 at 10:23 pm
Smokey says:
Tell you what. I’ve never cared much for that liberal cunt Arianna Huffington, or her liberal site. So I was surprised to see her today on television defending the Tea Party to a group of racist alley niggers. I was channel surfing, and I paused for a moment.
A clip of a round table political discussion from Thursday was airing. It was mostly a group of niggers complaining about whites, as usual. An alley nigger with a PHD was expounding philosophically on why the Tea Party is defined by racism. She interrupted the fucking boothead and said the Tea Party is absolutely NOT racist. She said the Tea Party is defined by anger toward the power elite–the bankers and politicians that have screwed the middle class through greed and corruption. She fucking nailed it.
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15th January 2011 at 10:25 pm
StuckInNJ says:
Smokey — you have the AUDACITY to call ME a turncoat? I’m betting your warped mind imagines Tuffyklub to be a big fat ugly chick. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do to get it up these days. Did you run out of Viagra? . I do NOT like this tender, kinder Smokey. No, not one bit.
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15th January 2011 at 10:26 pm
llpoh says:
Stuck – I am not entirely sure but it seems you are trying to pick a fight. I guess there must be no small game available. What happened to your kinder, gentler side (gotta say I like the nastier side better but would be better if it found a more appropriate target)? I come along to poke a bit of fun at Smokey and you gotta get nasty. I am surprised you have time to spar with anyone as I thought maybe you would be engulfed in the Karma Sutra trying to figure out how to overcome some personal shortcomings.
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15th January 2011 at 10:38 pm
Smokey says:
On a similar subject, I heard today that there are tapes on the internet now that the psycho Arizona murderer had made this past Fall. They said his biggest grievance was with what he called an illegal war being fought. This deranged bastard didn’t arrive at that conclusion by conducting an in depth study of the issues. He heard and read that the war was illegal and he was influenced by it. Public statements have consequences.
You can call the war illegal but the fact is, in the society in which we live and the laws which we are governed by, the war is perfectly legal. You may not LIKE the war, but that is an entirely different issue. If this war was illegal, how many tens of thousand of attorneys would take it to court, PRO BONO, to get it stopped ? ANY of them would LOVE to be the one to win that legal victory, and be famous, go down in history, write a book, get rich, be on Oprah, etc. The reason you don’t read about the war being challenged in court is that there is NO legal basis to challenge it. It would be laughed out of court. The majority of Congress approved of the military actions being conducted. But this impressionable cocksucker heard and read, mostly from liberal sources, that the war was illegal, and he acted on it. Maybe he would have mass murdered anyway. But I heard some of the tape, and the thing he was angered about was what he called the illegal war. And he shot a senator through the head.
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15th January 2011 at 10:45 pm
Smokey says:
Stuck—-Then maybe you’ll like the Smokey in the above post.
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15th January 2011 at 10:46 pm
llpoh says:
The big difference between the govt and TBP is TBP does not have the abilty to print money to overcome its deficit. The President of TBP (AdminY seems unable to reign in spending by the Chief of Staff, similar to what happens with the government.
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15th January 2011 at 10:53 pm
SSS says:
LLPOH and all other TBPers
I singlehandedly rescued the fiscal irresponsibility of Admin by ordering a T-shirt and 2 coffee mugs. Do the same. Please.
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15th January 2011 at 11:18 pm
Punk in Drublic says:
Stuck
I take credit for Smokey’s niceness, we have become the best of friends. I’m starting to rub off on him. Deep down, he is a super duper nice guy. Last weekend, I went over to his place and we played Monopoly. He let me be the race car. I told him he could take it but he said no. Kept going on and on about how he really likes the boot, so it was cool. That was when I knew. I mean, the boot? Nobody wants to be the boot.
That is the kind of guy Smokey is, someone who will be the boot, so you can zoom around the board making little motor noises.
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15th January 2011 at 11:23 pm
Jmarz says:
SSS
Your new user name should be the “Godfather.”
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15th January 2011 at 12:56 am
Novista says:
tuffy, welcome
Smokey is also humble and wouldn’t even mention he’s also a master of saponification.
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15th January 2011 at 7:26 am
Novista says:
Oy, JQ
I just remembered something. At the other place, you sent me a DVD and I donated $100 to the site.
Did you get a piece of that when you split?
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15th January 2011 at 7:51 am
Kill Bill says:
She said the Tea Party is defined by anger toward the power elite–the bankers and politicians that have screwed the middle class through greed and corruption -SiNJ
I would agree as well.
Laissez Faire [Supposedly "Free Market"] economics is big business and government coming together to pig out on the public trough.
Its a Let Them Eat Cake sort of dooH niboR economics.
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15th January 2011 at 9:47 am
Kill Bill says:
No no we must punish Jim for his irresponsible, but lovely, partner. He must raise his prices to pay off Wall streets excesses, no more cruises, shop only at China-mart, no more philly cheese steaks, no more wasting fuel driving thru S-30
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15th January 2011 at 9:54 am
Administrator says:
SSS
Thanks you again for the huge order. Just to clarify, Zazzle gets 85% of the sale.
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15th January 2011 at 10:10 am
avalon says:
Private message for SSS – just wanted to respond to what you sent, I have asked Jim repeatedly to forward so I could respond with email but he hasn’t done it yet. Anyway, we cracked up when we read it together! Thanks for sending that.
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15th January 2011 at 11:40 am
Kill Bill says:
Smokey, Bush was supposed to go back to the UN [resolution 1441] before going into Iraq. He wasnt given an automatic trigger,
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15th January 2011 at 12:41 pm
Tufftyklub says:
Hey Stuck,i’m from Scotland-apologies for the waist comments-u even fatter fuck!!
Smokey and llpoh–nice try but i am aware of you gentlemen(very loose term)and seen your comments and for some reason cant concur with ur assesments of smokey.He’s like a digital Terminator,laying waste to all he reads.Thanks to all for ur greetings.
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15th January 2011 at 3:55 pm
SSS says:
Admin
I did the math. You’re now only $33 in the hole. Looks like you’re back to furloughing Avalon tomorrow.
Avalon
You’re welcome. Since this post has already taken about a dozen different directions, I’ll add to the confusion and post another easy prank that even Stucky and Smokey can do after they’re finished their spitball fight. It’s called “The Crooked Picture.”
Now, crooked pictures are, to most people, at least mildly irritating. Well, a co-worker (Lady X) and I decided to see what the reaction would be to a WHOLE ROOM FULL OF CROOKED PICTURES. Our target was a large conference room where all the walls were lined with pictures. And we waited until just before a mind-numbing, weekly meeting that involved about 30 people.
Just prior to the meeting, Lady X and I went into the conference room and took two walls each, where we adjusted each and every picture so it was just slightly, but noticeably askew. But we picked out just one picture on each wall and made it outrageously out of kilter. That way, no matter which way the attendees faced, they would be sure to first notice at least that picture. Then, hopefully, their eyes would start to pick up on the fact that EVERY SINGLE PICTURE WAS CROOKED.
Meeting started, and Lady X and I sat on opposite sides of the room so we could observe everyone. The chief came in and started with his normal snoozer comments. Within two minutes, I saw several people start to look around at the walls. Their heads were going from picture to picture. Lady X signalled me and pointed at a person in one corner who had gotten up from her chair and was straightening out the nearby pictures.
At about the 5 minute mark, another lady at the conference table blurted out, “Excuse me, sir, but I just have to fix this crooked picture,” which was the one really crooked picture on the wall opposite of where she was sitting. She got up and fixed the picture and on the way back to her chair fixed another one. That did it. Now, everyone noticed that all the pictures were crooked and started to straighten them out. Took only a few more seconds, but Lady X and I managed to hold back our laughter and just smile at each other. High fives after the meeting.
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15th January 2011 at 4:02 pm
avalon says:
Lol, SSS, that is funny. You are inspiring me to play some practical jokes at work this week.
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15th January 2011 at 4:48 pm
Smokey says:
Avalon—-I told a couple of employees about twenty years ago that they were doing a terrific job and that they would each be receiving substantial raises the following week. Then, an hour later, I told them “April Fool’s ” (It was 04-01). They were NOT happy. I thought it was a hoot.
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15th January 2011 at 5:02 pm
avalon says:
Smokey it was their fault for not knowing it was April Fools.
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15th January 2011 at 5:20 pm
StuckInNJ says:
SSS — very nice story.
Jim — you might consider a “Practical Joke” thread some day.
Tuffyklub — Scotland, eh? That is VERY cool. I have nothing but good feelings for the Scots.
My dad worked in a coal mine in Scotland after WWII. He had nothing but nice things to say about the Scottish people. I also read a great book a couple years ago and that I highly recommend; “How the Scots Invented the Modern World”. A fascinating read about a fascinating people. And of course there’s “Scotty” on Star Trek.
You therefore get a free pass. Feel free to call me a fat fuck all you want.
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15th January 2011 at 5:32 pm
llpoh says:
SSS/Smokey – you guys are amateurs. I worked at a plant in East Texas. One of the supervisors there was an obsessed bass fisherman. He was really good, and spent virtually every non-working hour fishing or getting ready to fish. I knew a fellow who worked at Shimano, and via this contact managed to get my hands on a couple of sheets of Shimano color printed letterhead. I drafted a letter, ostensibly from Shimano, saying that we (Shimano) had heard of him, and owing to his reputation, wanted to sponsor him into tournament fishing – we would provide a new boat and trailer, all new gear, personalized clothing, etc. I had the Shimano guy post the letter from his offices, to the fellows home. The day after he received the letter the fisherman was running from office to office showing it to everyone, crowing that he might have to leave his job in order to make all the tournaments. I let this sit for a week or two before I broke it to him that it was a hoax. He never got over it. I should be ashamed of myself. Can’t seem to be, tho, it was just too funny.
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15th January 2011 at 5:49 pm
Smokey says:
llpoh—That is one of the best I’ve heard. You are heartless.
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15th January 2011 at 5:56 pm
Smokey says:
The Administrator is most likely weeping by now. Those hated Jets are running roughshod over the Pat’s and NY is going to thrash the Flyers tonight.
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15th January 2011 at 5:59 pm
llpoh says:
So far I am 3 for 3 on my picks. I have also picked the Jets, but not with a lot of confidence. My son said I am nuts. I stick by my basic rules in these things, and right now I am liking the Pack (I pointed them out some WEEKS ago on this site) and the winner of Jets/Pats for the big one.
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15th January 2011 at 6:06 pm
SSS says:
THE DUMMY DOOR BUZZER
One day, Lady X was walking by a vault (everyone at CIA Hqs works in a secure vaulted area) that was being gutted and renovated. She noticed a box that was filled with items which were obviously going to be thrown out. She rummaged around and found an old door buzzer with some wiring still attached.
She brought it back and showed it to me. We concocted a plan to mount the door buzzer just outside and beside our vault door and ran the wire down the wall and stuffed behind it behind a baseboard. Looked just like the real thing. Vault buzzers normally ring at the secretary’s desk, who can press a button to electronically open the door. Also next to a vault door is a telephone so you could call a person in the vault if you knew his or her number.
Then we put up an official-looking sign beside the buzzer. “IF NO RESPONSE, PLEASE CALL
(PHONE NUMBER) FOR ENTRY.” The target of the prank happened to be a co-worker who sat beside Lady X and me. Great guy with a terrific sense of humor. It was his phone number on the sign.
It didn’t take long before the first call came in. Target says, “Just a second, I’ll be right there,” gets up and opens the vault door. After about the 5th call in an hour, target jumps up and exclaims, “Damnit, what the hell is going on here?” That did it. Lady X and I lost it and started to laugh uncontrollably. Target looked at us and said, “You two assholes are behind this, aren’t you?” Which just triggered more uncontrollable laughter.
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15th January 2011 at 6:09 pm
Administrator says:
SSS
I will not need to furlough Avalon. I’ve had discussions with the White House and I’ve decided to roll out a Mug Buyer Tax Credit Program. It will surely stimulate demand.
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15th January 2011 at 6:50 pm
Dregs says:
So, you try to up your revenues by stealing Derb’s signature line? I hope you are giving him a cut of the no-doubt substantial profits from the new mug.
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15th January 2011 at 4:26 am
Administrator says:
Who is Derb?
Substantial profits? LMAO
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15th January 2011 at 6:47 am
Dregs says:
Sorry for the late response.
Derb is probably the best mainstream popularizer of alt-right ideas. How he manages to keep his job at National Review is a marvel that never ceases to amaze.
http://www.johnderbyshire.com/
Oh, and he wrote a book called “We Are Doomed” that marketed many alt-right ideas to a mainstream conservative audience.
http://www.amazon.com/Are-Doomed-Reclaiming-Conservative-Pessimism/dp/0307409597/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1295578275&sr=1-1
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15th January 2011 at 9:51 pm