ANOTHER HISTORIC DAY FOR WOMEN

Today was another huge step in the fight for women’s equality. As everyone knows, today was the world famous Wing Bowl competition at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia. It was the 22nd annual competition to see who could consume the most chicken wings within a very limited time frame. Each contestant has an array of Wingettes supporting them.

It is truly a classy event and represents everything that is great about this country: consumption, huge breasts, and vomiting.

Now we get to the feel good story of the day and another step forward for woman’s rights. A 120 pound mother from Nebraska named Molly Schuyler shattered the all-time record by consuming 363 chicken wings in 30 minutes, crushing all her male opponents.

She defeated a male competitive eater from Chicago to walk home with the $22,000 in prize money. Asked what she would do with the money, she responded that she has car payments and kids.

Women across the nation will now look up to Molly for breaking the chicken wing barrier. For all you women who are inspired by this truly heartburn inducing story and want to enter the competition next year, Molly has some advice.

She doesn’t have a gag reflex. So for the next year, you should practice not gagging while shoving disgusting things in your mouth. If you can master this technique, you have a chance to advance the cause of women everywhere. You can finally achieve the same high status as men.

 

Do you need any more proof that our degraded culture is nearing the bottom? Picture Roman vomitoriums after all day orgies.