You never know what you’re gonna get. It was another beautiful 80 degree day at the beach yesterday. We went to the beach early and planned to leave by 2:30 so we could take advantage of the Ocean Oasis After 3:00 pm special pricing, along with our buy one get one free coupon. We love spending three hours in the heated adults only hot tub/pool with swim up bar.
The ocean was 73 degrees with huge waves generated by Hurricane Bertha far out at sea. Bertha is a perfect name for some of the land whales strolling the beaches of Wildwood in their bikinis. We stayed in the water for about an hour then headed back to the condo and then onto Ocean Oasis.
We bought our first drinks and settled into the pool. The acoustic guitar singer was playing songs from the 1980’s and 1990’s that we liked.
As you can see from the picture, it is a tiny pool and only 2.5 feet deep. But for some ridiculous reason there are always two lifeguards required to be on duty. At least they aren’t on lazy river duty.
For awhile we pretty much had the pool to ourselves. Then a bunch of people started to get in. A hugely obese woman with a walker got into the pool using her walker. We were distracted by her almost as obese friend’s enormous back mole. And she kept her back facing us the whole time. Doesn’t she have family to tell her that needs to be looked at? I was reminded of the mole scene in Uncle Buck.
Then a bunch of tattooed guidos made their way into the pool. Avalon and I then had a long discussion about what psychological need is satisfied by mutilating your body in order to draw attention to yourself. The guidos were loud and obnoxious, but they were on the other said of the pool.
Two other normal looking guys got in the pool next to where we were sitting. Avalon had to use the restroom and I was alone to fend for myself. The one guy was splashing around and acting goofy. As I was minding my own business, I hear a whistle blow and then a huge splash as the lifeguard leaped into the pool. It seems the goofy dude was playing dead man’s float and the lifeguard actually thought he was drowning in 2.5 feet of water. The goofy guy stood up and was shocked by the overreaction. The guidos started laughing hysterically. The lifeguard was embarrassed and scrambled back to his seat. The great Ocean Oasis Adult Pool Rescue of 2014 came to its dramatic conclusion.
I’m sure the hillbilly mayor of Wildwood, Ernie Troiano, will be awarding the medal of honor to the foreign lifeguard shipped here from Bulgaria to save goofballs in the adult pool.
And Avalon missed the whole scene because she had to go pee pee. Her loss. It was a truly memorable moment in Wildwood drunk history. But it didn’t end there. I went up to the bar to close out our bill and the two goofball brothers started to chat up Avalon. She told the drowning victim she was glad he survived. The conversation turned to where we were from and what we did for a living. The drowning survivor was a male nurse and it wasn’t long before we were in a deep discussion about Obamacare and our clusterfuck healthcare system.
He is an ER nurse and he said they get 300 patients per shift, with only 30 of them insured, even after the hoopla about Obamacare success. These people know they will be treated with or without insurance. Nothing has changed. Of the 30 million uninsured people before Obamacare, 26 million are still uninsured. What a resounding success. He thought insurance companies kept doctors from ordering unnecessary tests and were beneficial to the process. I challenged him and said we didn’t need massive corporate middlemen sucking billions from the people and the government. I think he heard the name Ron Paul for the first time in his life. His brother wanted to go on a slide, so we parted ways. Another normal day in Wildwood.
