SHYSTERS, SCAM ARTISTS & SCUMBAGS

When I came home earlier this week there was a flier on the kitchen counter that had been taped on our mailbox. It was from a company called SAS Claims Service. In big bold capital letters shaded in yellow at the top of the flier was:

YOUR ROOF NEEDS REPAIR….CONSIDER YOUR OPTIONS

 

The entire business plan for this company is based upon driving around neighborhoods looking for houses with missing roof tiles and then convincing them to scam their insurance companies. The flier then goes on to try and scare you about mold, home price devaluation, expensive roof repairs, and evil insurance companies denying claims.

But guess who can come to my rescue?

That’s right, Myron Mendelow will fight for my right to commit insurance fraud. He doesn’t get paid until I get paid. He wants to be my advocate. Here is his pitch, directly from the flier:

We make the calls, file the claim and take on all the aggravation of negotiating with your insurance company adjuster on your behalf, to get you the FREE MONEY that you deserve.

Myron is going to get me some free money for my non-existent damage. He even promises to find more associated damages I didn’t notice.

A couple roof tiles did fly off during a storm several years ago. I had someone replace them, and the tiles are not the exact color of the original tiles. Myron assumed the different colored tiles were actually missing tiles.

Fast forward to Saturday morning. My youngest son and I were finishing up spreading the six yards of mulch dumped in my driveway earlier in the day. I was drenched in sweat and filthy from head to toe. Up the street comes a silver Mercedes who parks in front of my house. A wheeler dealer type gets out and boisterously tells me he wishes he were me. I’m thinking to myself WTF are you talking about dude. He explains that he lives in a condo and can’t get his hands dirty anymore.

I was in the presence of Myron Mendelow. His shirt was unbuttoned to show a massive gold star of david necklace. His picture should be next to the term Shyster in the dictionary. He then proceeded to make his pitch about my damaged roof. Even though I explained my roof was not damaged, he insisted he could get an insurance payout if I put my trust in him. He seemed exasperated that I didn’t want some of that FREE MONEY. After I made it clear he wasn’t talking to someone with interest in committing insurance fraud, he handed me the parting gift of a refrigerator magnet. Now when I’m grabbing a brewsky from the fridge, I can be reminded there is FREE MONEY with my name on it just a phone call away.

This is the kind of country we’ve become. Everyone has an angle to get something for nothing. Everyone is doing it, so why shouldn’t I get in on the scam. The oligarchs set the tone. Politicians set the tone. Everyone is on the take. Greed and avarice are considered legitimate goals of all Americans. The country revolves around fraud, corruption, scams, and swindles. Wall Street bankers rig the system, politicians accept bribes to pass legislation benefiting whichever special interest pays the most, millions watch shyster law firm commercials and realize they are eligible for Social Security disability, or have been wronged by some corporation. What’s a little food stamp fraud or earned income tax credit fraud? I really need to get with the game. This honesty and taking responsibility for my own life concept is really antiquated. I must have been mentally scared by those twelve years of Catholic teaching. Maybe Myron can help me file a claim.