Tag: Signs

ADMIN NEEDED TO MAKE CITIZENS ARREST

The sea was angry today, like Admin after a BLS unemployment release. Avalon and I ventured out early this morning on our bikes after a storm rolled through. As a purveyor of impending doom, I love dark clouds on the horizon and rough seas ahead.

When we arrived at “The Rocks”, to my dismay, there was a man blatantly breaking the law. Didn’t he see the signs? Didn’t he know he had put himself into a hazardous situation? It’s chaos I tell you. Where were the authorities when you needed them? I had Avalon record the incident so it could be used in a court of law.

If you start letting people fish off of fishing jetties, what’s next? Riding bikes without a helmet? Crossing streets between intersections? Oh the humanity!!! So I did what every good citizen needs to do – obey my government masters. Shortly after this picture I sprinted across the jetty and tackled this criminal and we fell into two feet of surf next to two 4 year old girls playing in the sand. Avalon called the North Wildwood police and this dangerous villain was hauled off to jail for 30 days.

All is well now. Normalcy has been restored. Law and order are what make this a great country. Another dangerous fisherman has been put behind bars. No need to thank me. I’m just following the commands of my keepers. They know best. Safety and security at the expense of liberty and freedom is what we all must trade. How could we possibly live our daily lives without government apparatchiks telling us what to do, when to do it, and how it must be done? Comply. Obey. Believe.

STRICTLY PROHIBITED

We spent the past weekend in Wildwood cleaning up after out first tenant and looking forward to enjoying our nice cool condo with our new $4,400 air conditioner. I turned it on and it proceeded to run for 8 hours without cooling the condo below 73 degrees. It was 71 degrees outside. To say I wasn’t a happy camper is putting it mildly. I left two extremely sarcastic angry voicemails on the emergency line of the air conditioner company. They finally called me back just as we were headed to the Shamrock to see Billy Jack. I told them to come first thing in the morning. They arrived at 1:30 in the afternoon. It seems the installer didn’t add refrigerant to the air conditioner. That really gives me a feeling of comfort about my new unit. But it seems to be working now.

On Monday, Avalon and I hopped on our bikes and rode down to the rocks where the Hazardous Area/Keep Off signs warn people of the tremendous danger. As we sat on the bench, two little female joggers came jogging down the beach, approached the rocks, trotted across the rocks in front of the signs and sauntered off the rocks back onto the beach. They must not have realized how much danger they were in. The idiocy of these signs was never more evident.

Next we moved onto the Hereford Lighthouse and their beautiful gardens where the old ladies who run the place don’t want anyone to chase the butterflies.

They aren’t too fond of kids either. Running and playing outside on grass is frowned upon. We wouldn’t want little kids to be curious or rambunctious. They might damage the grass or a bush. No fun allowed.

Later in the day we headed for the beach for a little relaxation by the sea. As we entered the beach we were confronted by the largest list of things we couldn’t do I’ve ever seen. They forgot ball playing. The lifeguards will whistle you down if you try to throw a football around. This list is enough to drive you to drink, but it’s not allowed. Feeding the seagulls may be prohibited, but it didn’t stop that 4 year old brat next to us from creating a frenzy of flying rats from descending upon us by throwing food to them. Little brats and their loud mouthed mothers should be prohibited. We always seem to be sitting next to the loud family.

I love the no diving sign, with a picture in case you can’t read. How exactly can you dive from a flat beach? Sometime the idiocy of the governmental drones is too vast to comprehend. Wildwood has cornered the market on politicians and bureaucrats who couldn’t manage their way out of wet paper bag. They run the town like morons and hillbillies. How you could have one of the nicest beaches on the East Coast and manage to fuck it up, is beyond me. Questioning their authority and wisdom is strictly prohibited.

PUSSIES & BUTTERFLY CHASERS

While in Wildwood for Memorial Day weekend we witnessed the usual obese tattooed pierced masses aplenty. The foul mouthed multitude of morons were out in force consuming vast quantities of fried oreos, boardwalk fries, Mac’s pizza, Kohr’s ice cream, and Laura’s fudge, before drinking themselves into a stupor. Meanwhile, the air conditioner in my money pit condo was throwing in the towel after 13 years. What was another $4,400 for a new air conditioner for my underwater “investment” property?

But at least we had our bikes, the boardwalk and the ocean. Avalon and I went on our usual early morning trek to “the rocks” at 2nd & JFK Boulevard. The rocks were the jetty that has been there for decades. When I was a kid we would walk our dogs down to the rocks every night. My Dad taught me how to fish from those rocks. I inherited my Dad’s patience. I could stand on those rocks for hours, casting my line into the glistening ocean and waiting for a flounder, blue or weakie to take the bait.

I never fell off those rocks. I never saw anyone ever fall off those rocks. If I had fallen, my Dad would have called me a dumbass and told me to get up. The jetty was always wet from the ocean spray. Slippery green moss grew abundantly. It’s called nature. In the America I grew up in, if you fell down, you got up. You didn’t sue someone because you were an idiot who couldn’t keep their balance. The jetty was created to protect the beaches from erosion and has been used by Dads teaching their kids to fish since the 1960’s.

You can’t stand on those rocks anymore. According to the control freak government drones, it’s now a crime to step foot on those rocks. They threaten to fine you and throw you in jail for stepping foot on some rocks that have been stood upon without incident for fifty years. The picture below captures the pure utter idiocy of a government gone wild. What a pathetic joke this country has become. Some politician listens to some lawyer, who thinks city insurance rates will be lower if they put up some ridiculous danger sign to keep citizens from enjoying themselves and carrying on a tradition of fathers teaching sons how to fish. I wonder if those two four year old girls realized how much peril they were in.

Does that two foot drop from the jetty strike you as life threatening? This is what passes for high risk in this nation of pussies. But the government drones didn’t think one ridiculous sign was enough. They had to cement in a second sign to provide the exact same message. Sometimes I wonder how low the IQs of the government drones must be. It almost as if they are incapable of using their brains.

After escaping this perilous landscape, we hopped back on our bikes, taking our lives into our hands by not wearing helmets like Obama, and rode another quarter mile to the Hereford Lighthouse to take in some more scenic views. The lighthouse is surrounded by lovely well kept flowering gardens. The gardens are well manicured and weeded by meticulous Boomers. These old folks look down upon visitors with children. They love rules and regulations. Avalon and I had to laugh and shake our heads when we saw the sign below. These control freaks actually think butterflies care about kids chasing them. They think they can stop this butterfly abuse with a sign.

What is it with control freaks and signs? There are a vast swath of people in governmental positions of authority who don’t think you can make rational decisions without their rules and regulations. They don’t trust you to live your own life. They want to control every aspect of your daily existence. Every law, regulation, directive, bylaw, rule, edict, decree and command imposed upon our lives by sociopathic, unintelligent, controlling government apparatchiks takes away freedoms, liberties and our right to live our lives as we see fit. Years of indoctrination in government run schools and being inundated with decades of propaganda preaching “government knows best” has brainwashed the masses to accept and embrace the ridiculous notion that these control freaks make us safer, improve our lives, and act in our best interests.

Will we ever come to our senses, take personal responsibility for our own lives, and shake off the yoke of authoritarian government control? I keep looking for signs.