More great college football on tap this weekend!
Smokey is knockin’ ’em dead. Another weekend means another chance for mortal locks and deadly precision forecasting. Get your bookie on the line NOW!
And please, as your way of saying thanks to AWD for taking the time and effort to run this fine post every week, please post at least one picture of a scantily clad college girl (Females are excused from doing so), the pictures were a little lite last week.
Schedule:
Northwestern (2-10) vs. (24) Illinois (4-0) 12:00pm ET
Minnesota (1-3) vs. (19) Michigan (4-0) 12:00pm ET
Kentucky (2-2) vs. (1) LSU (4-0) 12:20pm ET
Nevada (1-2) vs. (4) Boise St. (3-0) 2:30pm ET
(21) Georgia Tech (4-0) vs. N.C. State (2-2) 3:30pm ET
Bethune-Cookman (2-1) vs. Miami (FL) (1-2) 3:30pm ET
Washington St. (2-1) vs. Colorado (1-3) 3:30pm ET
SMU (3-1) vs. (20) TCU (3-1) 3:30pm ET
(17) Texas (3-0) vs. Iowa St. (3-0) 7:00pm ET
Oregon St. (0-3) vs. (25) Arizona St. (3-1) 10:30pm ET
Penn St. (3-1) vs. Indiana (1-3) 12:00pm ET
Air Force (2-1) vs. Navy (2-1)12:00pm ET
(14) Texas A&M (2-1) vs. (18) Arkansas (3-1) 12:00pm ET
Michigan St. (3-1) vs. Ohio St. (3-1) 3:30pm ET
(15) Baylor (3-0) vs. Kansas St. (3-0) 3:30pm ET
Bowling Green (3-1) vs. (22) West Virginia (3-1) 3:30pm ET
Arizona (1-3) vs. USC (3-1) 3:30pm ET
Auburn (3-1) vs. (10) South Carolina (4-0) 3:30pm ET
(13) Clemson (4-0) vs. (11) Virginia Tech (4-0) 6:00pm ET
Hawaii (2-2) vs. Louisiana Tech (1-3) 7:00pm ET
Ball St. (3-1) vs. (2) Oklahoma (3-0) 7:00pm ET
(8) Nebraska (4-0) vs. (7) Wisconsin (4-0) 8:00pm ET
(3) Alabama (4-0) vs. (12) Florida (4-0) 8:00pm ET
UCLA (2-2) vs. (6) Stanford (3-0) 10:30pm ET
Another cupcake for Penn State. After Indiana State and Indiana, they have Indiana Community College, Indiana A&M and Indiana School of Beauty.
Oh, how cute!
So which one of these Pop-Warner kids has the gusto for the NFL?
Which one of the QB’s is Philly going to draft after Patrick Willis chews Vick up this week?
Thanks AWD. Now if we could just get somebody who can pick some winning games.
Go Vagina Tech – Beat Clemson Pussies (Tigers)
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Mortal lock. Air Force sinks Navy.
AWD
Scantily clad college girls, my foot. Let me ask you three questions. Do you like to eat? Do you like Italian food? Well, do you, punk? If so, here’s the lass for you.
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WTF happened to my picture? One more try.
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Mutter, mutter. Mumble, mumble.
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SSS,
You’re just after her for her money. Well, maybe the tits too but mostly the money. 🙂
Hey, since you and Salma are on the breaks, you mind if I get her digits off you, SSS?
Listen up. Here are the much-anticipated iron-clad mortal locks so desperately craved by dozens, if not hundreds of you. Soon to be thousands of you, as word spreads of my unrivaled proficiency.
There is one modification from my four earlier released selections. I have deleted West Virginia from my picks because of an oversight on my part. I thought that their opponent this week, Bowling Green, had a nigger head coach, which would have given West Virginia an enormous statistical advantage. When I realized that BG head coach is white, it rendered the game a toss up so I threw it out.
These seven picks are mortal locks. If you don’t like these, you don’t like money.
(1) Florida +4 versus Alabama
(2) Nebraska +10 versus Wisconsin
(3) Boise State – 27 versus Nevada
(4) Middle Tennessee – 23 1/2 versus Memphis
(5) Troy – 17 versus Alabama Birmingham
(6) Notre Dame -12 versus Purdue
(7) Georgia Tech -10 versus N.C.State
Those are the current betting lines.
Please wager every fucking penny you can beg or borrow on these sure things. When all of these hit tomorrow, as they certainly shall, you will be taunted for your cowardice in recognizing this veritable gold mine.
Colma
Did you ever see the movie “The Hustler” when Fast Eddie Felson (Paul Newman) gets his fingers broken after some pool hall tough guys find out they’ve been hustled by Fast Eddie in a pool game? This question has nothing to do with your inquiry about your moving in on Salma, with whom I remain very close.
BTW, Admin will never show up on this thread. He’s unable to separate HIS definition of “bad business decisions” (whatever that is because he never told us) from “private enterprises have every right to make lawful decisions they want to make in the best interests of the business.”
SSS: and she’s a Delaurentis. BIG BUCKS. She’s hot and she can cook. A real catch, long as she don’t eat bearded clams.
DD: You could flip a coin and get better results than Smokey. Or use your chimp…
Colma: NFLES
Smokey: maybe YOU are the bookie. I’ll take Nebraska and the points. Put me down for 3 dimes.
You pansies can’t even come up with some pictures. Oh, the shame….
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This one needs to be up EVERY WEEK…..
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Last week I gave you South Carolina as the best bet on the board.
This week I give you as the best bet:
(8) Michigan State +3 versus Ohio State
I expect some FUCKING GRATITUDE after all the games have ended tomorrow.
SSS:
Funny comment about Admin. He also forgot the Friday Fail section. I guess he got tired of me coming over the top (not my intention). I like to augment, not dominate.
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AWD,
Wise choice, piggybacking my Nebraska +10 pick.
Sorry, you’ll have to get your own bookie.
Vegas sports books understandably refuse my action, since they pay me NOT to bet.
Penn State will be 4-0 tomorrow and just beginning to hit their best stride. Sorry, Robmu, I didn’t thumb zap you, must be another PSU fan besides me.
Correction, PSU 4-1 after tomorrow. They got edged out by undefeated and then #1 Alabama.
Smokey: You banker probably pays you not to bet. I don’t know you pick these small schools. To unpredictable. I can’t believe Nebraska is getting that many points.
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AWD,
Wisconsin is strong as goat piss. They could easily rout the Huskers, although I expect it to be close.
BTW—-That gal in the Bama cap and shirt looks identical to a secretary I had a couple of decades ago. She was NOT hired because of her looks. I gave a math / comprehension test to about forty job applicants. She scored far and away the highest on the test.
She and I were talking about something, I can’t remember what, a couple of years after she had been hired. I happened to mention that her measurements were 37-24-35. Her face got red as a beet. She asked me how I knew.——I told her I wasn’t blind.
She desperately wanted me to take her to bed, and let me know in no uncertain terms, serious business. I was single and she was single but had a boyfriend. I passed on it, because I felt it might fuck up the business.
If I had it to do over again, I’d have knocked the bottom out.
I have a friend who requested my advice about three years ago. He’s in his twenties. He had been dating a girl for a few months, but she had yet to give it up. He had been invited to return to his home town in W. Va for the weekend and an old girlfriend in W VA had told him on the phone that she wanted to sleep with him again when he arrived for the weekend.
He was conflicted and sought my advice. My response was heartfelt, and I told him it would serve him well throughout the rest of his life:
ALWAYS TAKE THE PUSSY !!!
So he went on his trip, took my advice, had a blast, returned from his trip and his regular girlfriend broke up with him a few days later.
Had he not followed my advice, he’d have regretted a lost weekend in W VA forever.
Smokey said “ALWAYS TAKE THE PUSSY !!!”
Best advice you’ve ever given on TBP Smokey. I’ve used your advice many times. A woman who doesn’t give it up in the first few months isn’t worth the wait !
The girl with the purple mustang on her shirt could be my first wife’s twin….I wonder if she’s as bitchy ? LOL
In the girl to the left in the Florida State picture is the gal that Bret Farve sent his weenie picture to via his cell phone .
Buck,
That gal with the purple mustang may well be another bitch, but she is definitely edible.
I had heard about the scandal with Favre, but did not know who the gal is, until now.
Brett must be going to the Newt Gingrich / John Edwards school of Ethics in Marriage—-wait until your wife is stricken with cancer, then get all you can on the side. And by all means, GET CAUGHT doing it.
BTW, my niece graduated from College of Charleston in May. Favre’s daughter was one of her sorority sisters.
“ALWAYS TAKE THE PUSSY !!!”
Good slogan for President Ron Paul…
Game day has the turtle on? WTF? They couldn’t find somebody better than that? Nebraska is going to beat Wisconsin’s ass. Florida is going to beat Alabama’s ass. Colorado will lose again.
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I tried to find some more manly VA Tech cheerleader pictures but this is all I found.
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Enjoy your bread and circuses, in the meantime I begin construction on my personal power generation system.
Stranger:
Bread and Circuses rule!
Make your generator, curl up in a ball next to it, and cry. I’ll look at my generator, feel a little better and watch the 49ers destroy the Eagles while Rome Burns.
Fuck it, gimme that fiddle.
Air Force crushes Navy in one of the worst routs in college football history, 35-34 in overtime. Rumor has it that Navy may cancel the rest of their games this season due to this embarrassing show of football ineptitude.
Penn State blows out perennial top ten powerhouse Indiana 16-10.
South Carolina loses because they have by far the worst quarterback in Division One. Coming into this game, Steven Garcia led the fucking nation in interceptions. Garcia was 9 for 22 today with two interceptions, but it should have been at least four.
S.C. has a fine backup quarterback, a sophomore, who is by far better than Garcia. Coach won’t play him though. If Spurrier had benched Garcia four games ago, as he should have, Carolina would easily be top five in the country today. Instead, they suck shit. They have a minimum of five first round NFL picks, but they can’t score because their quarterback has a sub 50% completion percentage. He’s thrown something like 4 td’s this year and 18 interceptions. He obviously has something on Spurrier because there has to be blackmail involved for a worthless piece of shit like that not to be benched.
The hell of it is, last week against Vandy the booth announcers spent the whole game motherfucking Garcia and wondering why he wasn’t benched. This week, the same thing. New announcers ridiculing him and wondering why Spurrier wouldn’t yank him.
FUCK SOUTH CAROLINA.
S. Carolina loses to Auburn. How embarrassing, except for last year, the perennial also-ran. Those beaners don’t make good QBs eh? Garcia and Martinez…
Just back catching a few games. Nebraska is pissing away a good game.
Ain’t nobody gonna beat LSU (cept maybe Bama).
Florida +4 LOSER
Nebraska +10 LOSER
Boise State -27 LOSER
Middle Tennessee -23 1/2 LOSER
Troy -17 LOSER
Georgia Tech -10 PUSH
Notre Dame -12 WINNER
Michigan State +3 WINNER
Where’s my fucking gratitude????
Smokey
You forgot one other pick.
Terrorist Attack – 0
Smokey -1
GRATITUDE
There ya have it. Grateful for what? You screwed the pooch.
Wisconsin is kicking the shit out of a good Nebraska. Damn.
Guess what? Colorado lost again. Miami won.Colorado sucks buffalo ass.
GRATITUDE
Humor. Laugh. Get it? Funny. Ha ha.
Humor:
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Smokey:
It’s not too late to become a Clemson fan.
Humor, ha ha, funny. Yawn.
Can’t fucking WAIT for Dave Doe to swing by here and ridicule my picks.
My first week———-0 wins and 2 losses
My second week—-2 wins, 4 losses, and one tie
This week————2 wins, 5 losses, and one tie
But next week, look the fuck out, I will roll.
Smokey,
I couldn’t agree with AWD more. You really screwed the pooch. Give me your address and I’ll send you a half dollar. Learn to flip it while making college football picks. You might make it to 50% wins if your lucky (you aren’t). Better yet, have your monkey pick ’em.
you screwed the pooch pal
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DD:
I second that…
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Smokey I went to the College of Charleston…class of 1982 . I had the Florida State pic as a screen saver for a while. When they showed a picture of the gal Farve messed with,they should that picture .
GOOOOOOOOOO CLEMSON TIIIIIIIIIIIGERS !
Smokey,
Sorry for the late post – had to take my kids camping this weekend.
Thanks a million for the continued bad picks. My Smokey Bear fund which is 50% contra Smokey Football picks is “Smokin'”. That coupled with the Smokey Contra China Call (FXP) has me humming a tune today.
Can’t wait for next week.
(Va Tech goes down in Flames to Clemson. Did not play like a top 20 team. Clemson appears to be real )
Dave Doe,
You’ll just have to trust me on this. I just returned to the blog after a five day absence. Hard as it is to believe, those picks and posts weren’t mine. Some devious asshole hijacked my password while I was away and posted those bogus picks.
In actuality, my favorite picks were Wisconsin, Alabama and Oklahoma.
I have pressed charges against him, and am withholding his name, pending litigation I have initiated. I will return this coming week with my normal, infallible, exemplary selections.
Thanks for your understanding. I hope he did not cost you.
Smokey:
I’m glad you didn’t comment on the DG.
I’m glad DD is making money off you. If I’d followed your picks, I’d be sellin pencils out of a cup on a street corner.
My new strategy: bet the opposite of your picks, which would put me at about 75% accuracy.
Gratitude
Wow, it looks like my spread ate shit, but let me add this, about the outstanding performance of the 49ers, led by the incarnation of St.Bill of the Walsh, Jim of the Harbaugh, in defeating the inferior but wily Philidelphia Eagles:
It was a nail-biter here in SF.
It was a pillow-biter there in Philly.
Philadelphia Eagles, led by crackhead convicted felon Michael Vick, fall to LAST in the NFC east. Their cur-murdering leader is unable to bring them victory.
At the same time, the world is finally realizing the enormous value of Peyton Manning, as the Indianapolis Colts not only suck shit, they are not contending for the playoffs for the first time since 2002. In fact, they will probably lose ALL games.
Peyton is easily the most valuable player in the history of professional football. He could have taken any team in the NFL over the past decade and done what he did with the colts.
Peyton Manning versus crackhead Mike Vick—-no contest
Only a crack addled shit eater would blame the Eagles collapse on Vick. He threw for 425 yards and ran for 75 yards. The defense is a complete disaster. The coaching is horrific. The rookie kicker missed two thirty yard field goals. A veteran running back threw the ball away after being stopped at the 1 yard line.
Now I’ll watch Cliff Lee shutout the Cardinals.
The Flyers open Thursday.
Talk about a weekend that eats shit.
My cocks lose. Clemson wins.
And my man, Nascar Chase leader Tony Stewart is 2 laps back and out of it with 100 laps to go.
Shit.
Now, though I consider myself a classier fan of Bay Area sports, and since the classier team has already put another notch in the win column, it would be nice for Brady to eat dirt at the hands of an intimidatingly rough Oakland Raiders.
Say what you want about the crack-addicted, felon-led Eagles.
Any version of Peyton Manning from the past eight years would lead the Eagles undefeated through the Super Bowl for the rest of this year.
Who threw 4 interceptions against the Eagles last year?
http://www.nfl.com/player/peytonmanning/2501863/careerstats
PMES