Submitted by Gayle
A friend of mine, aged 59, lies in the hospital in what is probably the end stages of coronary artery disease. The long and winding road to this status is marked with a plethora of bad decisions. Born into the chaotic world of two alcoholics, his young life was characterized by emotional neglect and was devoid of any role modeling of perseverance, integrity, or wisdom. Launched into adulthood without a high school diploma and only military experience as any sort of preparation for a successful life, he opted for heroin addiction and the comprehensive pathology which it ensures.
Unable to hold a job for any length of time, he nevertheless married and fathered three children who were soon removed from him and adopted by others. Numerous incarcerations at the county and state level littered his prime adult years, interspersed with homelessness or minimal living conditions. In his mid-forties he finally got clean and cobbled together the semblance of a normal life. He still could not sustain employment, however, and physical problems began to plague him. Between the VA and SSDI, he has had literally hundreds of thousands of dollars of surgeries (including a triple bypass), procedures, and rehabilitation efforts. The criminal justice system provided glasses and dentures and job training. He has had four failed marriages and has not succeeded by any other measure of manhood.
I tell you his life story not to invite judgment, but to use him as an example of the difficulties in assessing how to extend mercy (both individually and collectively) to someone. After his bypass, he was ordered to quite smoking. He did not quit smoking, and so more expensive treatments are needed to save his life at the present time. This is on top of a lifetime of abusing his body in other significant ways. When is it appropriate to cease being merciful and who gets to decide? Where is the line where mercy morphs into enabling?
I know a very young unmarried couple, poor as church mice, who had a baby recently. The baby had severe malformations of the heart. This poor child has spent the first three months of its life in Neonatal Intensive Care, undergoing surgeries and endless procedures, and at last report was classified as “stable”. At times she has required one-on-one nursing care. The parents come and stare at her every day – no touching to speak of – and then go home. The medical bill for this baby must be in the stratosphere. Where is the line where mercy twists into torture?
Another young couple -married – I know are pregnant. Ultrasound has just revealed their daughter will be born with a heart having only one chamber instead of four. The series of surgeries she will need to construct some sort of working organ will begin almost immediately after birth. If all goes well, she can be expected to live until her early teens. Where is the line where mercy becomes a usurper of the proper natural order of things?
Mercy is a beautiful word. We all need mercy to some degree some of the time and are glad to get it. The one who extends mercy is rewarded by expending time and resources to help another who cannot return the favor, at least not now. Unless mercy has boundaries, however, it is easily abused and becomes something else. At a societal level, for example, we see the cruel results of extending unending mercy to women who choose to have multiple children without benefit of a committed father on the scene. Good mercy requires some system of accountability, but the lines for that are as elusive as a wisp of smoke. Good mercy produces positive results, and stupid mercy produces disaster.
I have an example of good mercy. In my extended family, a daughter was born with severe spinal bifida. She spent her life hunched over in a wheelchair, helpless to do much of anything but use her bright mind. Her parents and older siblings extended prodigious amounts of love and mercy to her, but I know it was tempered with accountability because of her unspoiled nature and the good humor with which she lived her life. She had many friends, and was actually popular with her classmates. In seventh grade she was allowed to get her hair dyed blue. In eighth grade, she was invited to a Halloween party, and the keen sense of irony she had developed about her circumstances was evident when she chose to costume herself as Lady Gaga. A few months later a swift case of pneumonia took her. She is sorely missed for the joys she beamed out to those in her orbit, the results of good and appropriate mercy.
I am no proponent of arbitrary medical rationing. I am all for a society that has structures to offer compassion to those who need it. But mercy demands intelligent definition and distribution. Mercy is easily apprehended by those who use it for devious ends and by those who don’t recognize some of the naturally occurring deficits in human nature, like laziness. Bad mercy is outrageously expensive.
I am about to go down to Mexico for the weekend to offer some mercy to some really destitute people. Is it good mercy? I think so, but some might argue.
“Where the world is hard, I will be gentle. Where it despairs, I will make a way. Where children cry, I will comfort them. Where there is loneliness, I will offer my hand. Where there is violence and oppression, I will offer a refuge. Where there is discouragement, I will bring hope. Where it is weak, I will be strength. Where there is pride, I will bring humility. Where there is darkness, I will bring light. Kindness is the heart of my rebellion, and love is my shield.”
ADMIN,who wrote that?
bb
I wrote it.
bb
That appears to be the slogan for Jesse’s Cafe Americain
http://jessescrossroadscafe.blogspot.com/
Gayle — I think bb is referring to Admin’s quote
Stucky
Thanks for clarifying. I was wondering the same thing.
Mercy to the point of infringing on innocents might be the place to draw the line. Massive amounts of money spent on a druggie who will not change or listen takes from research, procedures and drugs from those who try. Draw a clear line. If you pass it wears done with ya. Obesity also. Offer help give some chances then move on.
Whenever I see the word “mercy” I always think of a beautiful love story chronicled in the book “A Severe Mercy”.
Many people who read the book say it changed their life. Anyone interested can check it out at the link below. I remember one quote … because I memorized it a very long time ago, and have never forgotten it.
“Both Heaven and Hell are retroactive, all of one’s life will eventually be known to have been one or the other.”
The Good Book would say, “You reap what you sow.”
That is not to judge your friend. Far be it for me to sit in judgment … for but for the grace of God, there go I. Your friend made bad choices and he’s lived through hell. If there is life beyond this one, I hope he finds it to be a better place.
You wrote a beautiful story, Gayle. The folks in Mexico couldn’t hope for a better Ambassador Of Mercy.
Quick note on the book, A Severe Mercy.
It is a rather Christian-y book. As mentioned above, it’s a love story … and the author’s wife dies. The author’s conclusion is that his wife dying was God’s severe mercy to him. It was her death which led him to a relationship with God in such a way he hadn’t been able to with his wife alive.
Keep that in mind. It’s probably not a book for those without any spiritual bent.
Who is more saintly, Gayle or LLPOH? If I find myself next to either one after this life I will be very reassured. (Or bb, bb’s cool too.)
Stucky
I enjoyed A Severe Mercy years ago also. Mercies can come disguised as hard things, their true natures only recognized years later as life unfolds. A quote I like is “There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.”
A tender mercy is the time I lost my girlfriend but then years later realized that if she had stayed I would have strangled her after I got tired of her horrible cackling laugh.
GAYLE , heart felt post ,gives everyone something to think about.
What a quandry. The fact is, life does have a price tag. It is less than a billion and more than a dollar. Obviously society cannot spend endless amounts to extend life of an individual.
The drug addict exceeded his value substantially. Society cannot agree to fund life extension for such as he. By so doing, there are ever more and more of those like him. If an effort to provide care for those who contribute little continues, then in the end no one will get good care.
I do not know who will decide.
Chen/coyote – I will be in extraordinarily good company if I meet you there.
I believe the mercies need to flow from private charity, not via the barrel of the govt gun.
don’t say I would compare bb to jesus but since I missed the opportunity to comment on another post where bb suggested abandoning the world system, someone laughed at him, sneering that the bible is a mishmash of a vast conspiracy of control.
here is the point I would make, when you read jesus’ replies to people, his comments seem not to follow the intent of the person asking the question. however, as readers, we understand his message more clearly than the object of the reply.
in a case in point, I believe it is peter who asks if the rules are so strict, who can stand? jesus says, the words are for him who can receive them. keep in mind he already said that much of his message is offered in parables so that in hearing they will not hear and in seeing they will not see lest they be healed.
those who read bb’s comments but do not understand are blind and will not see or hear the plain truth of his words. funny thing is that he does not phrase his message in high language, it is simple language a child could understand.
the world is under the control of the evil one, bb suggested that true freedom lies in rejecting the world system. wise words from a man most people dismiss as a troll.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZRj1Lg8TsM&feature=player_detailpage
Very nice post Gayle. Enjoy spreading your wise brand of mercy.
This is why I believe that humans were never meant to live in large groups. A small, let’s say tribal group is much better suited to meting out mercy in a rational and intelligent way based on how it will affect the whole group. In a scenario like the druggie, he would likely be kicked to the curb and allowed to die before anymore damage is caused and the spina bifada victim might be allowed to carry on based on the joy and courage she brought to the group.
I’m not a heartless bastard but a realist. If the people who believe that druggies and others who do themselves harm believe they should be saved then they, themselves……..personally should open their wallets and pay for it out of the goodness of their hearts. The trouble with the bleeding hearts is that their brand of mercy is only worthwhile (in their mind) if someone else finances it.
If TBP was a tribe I’d vote that we infect bb with something terminal the next time he caught a cold so that we could put him out of our misery so we could experience a little mercy.
I_S
IS,
You bb ending made coffee dribble down my chin. Too funny.
El Coyote
Your praising of bb as some kind of Wise Sage is beyond repulsive. I’m starting to think YOU are the regular here who is doppeling as bb. Either that or Tequila has rotted your brain.
“I believe it is peter who asks if the rules are so strict, who can stand?” — El Tequila Brain
Where?? Jesus said it easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven. And the disciples said, “Then who can be saved?”. Maybe you’re thinking about that?
” … much of his message is offered in parables so that in hearing they will not hear and in seeing they will not see lest they be healed. ” ——– bb’s beeotch. aka El Tequila Brain
One of the most perplexing verses in the Bible.
In short …. Jeebus didn’t want them to understand, didn’t want to convert them, didn’t want to save them, and didn’t want to heal them.
Why is that, O Wise One?
Stucky ,you are an apostate ,that why you think I am repulsive
Welshman ,….blow me
IS ,I thought you didn’t read my comments anymore.
The truth is you all know God is real .You all know Satan is real but you are hoping and praying that HELL is a figment of God’s imagination.
Welshman says:
IS,
You bb ending made coffee dribble down my chin. Too funny.
Glad to be of service!
I_S
El coytoe ,thank you but sometimes I think it would be better to keep my words to my self.That’s the good thing about church.You are around people who believe in Christ and can see this world for what it is.
bb
At least Satan makes sense. You? Not so much.
Stucky says:
” … much of his message is offered in parables so that in hearing they will not hear and in seeing they will not see lest they be healed. ” ——– bb’s beeotch. aka El Tequila Brain
One of the most perplexing verses in the Bible. In short …. Jeebus didn’t want them to understand, didn’t want to convert them, didn’t want to save them, and didn’t want to heal them. Why is that, O Wise One?
Looks like old bb gave me a new name.
Stuck, when have I ever challenged your superb knowledge of the bible? Even now I have to admit that I made a mistake in recollection but nevertheless you confirm my idea that the words are hidden and given only to a few. Many preachers liken this blindness to Paul’s own before his eyes were opened as if scales came off.
My boss (we can call him ‘the Italian Stallion’) said his central idea was that no matter the reason someone at work was in trouble, he would make sure to side with the underdog (he liked the Vikes and the Beans for that reason). I learned a little bit from him.
I was thinking of Mat 19:10. I do not approve of bb’s methods and have told him so in the past. But I wanted to respond to the asshole that was laughing and pointing at the bible as merely a tool of control.
Why would anybody want to insult me by saying I am bb? I wish I was bb, he sounds like a great guy, the kind you’d want to marry your sister.
Gayle, the problem with mercy is that people always have an opinion as to who deserves mercy. Rom 9:15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”
” … you confirm my idea that the words are hidden and given only to a few.”
———El Coyote, El erudito bíblico extraordinaria
WHY??? I want to know WHY “the words are hidden and given only to a few.”. That pretty much goes against everything else Jeebus taught and did.
I want to know WHY. C’mon … help a brother out.
.
.
BTW, you spelled your name wrong above.
I wish I could answer, I will explore this later after some imaginary tequila shots ( I don’t drink). Right not I have to tend to the sexy mulatta who is getting pissed that I spend so much time with you guys.
She said they got El Chapo. Wow. All it took was a visit from Obie.
“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”
——— The Big Burrito
Disneyland For Believers
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One Big “Fuck You” for everyone else
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Seems reasonable …
Wow, that sucks.
I’ve always heard where there’s life, there’s hope.
But as a parent, I don’t have any clue, and I don’t want to know, what I would do if I was faced with the baby situations above. My wife and I talked about it with our future #2 and neither of us know what we would do and really, really hope we never have to know.
This an impressive and thought-provoking post, and it hits many nerves as I have been giving this matter a lot of thought after watching 3 people near me die in the past year.
So much am I dwelling on it, that what I have to say would be an entire post in itself.
Gayle,
Thanks for this story. Thoughts of my wife’s cancer were going through my mind when I read your piece. We knew she was going to die, it was a matter of when. The total bill was upwards of a million. It gave us 6 years. If we had to pay cash, would that have changed things? Probably.
I think about that often.
Anyway, thanks again.
EF
El Coytoe says:
“Why would anybody want to insult me by saying I am bb?”
Because you say shit that is as equally stupid as the shit bb posts like the following.
“I wish I was bb, he sounds like a great guy, the kind you’d want to marry your sister.”
You either are bb or his very minimally smarter twin.
Fuck me!
I_S
I S ,this is the real bb .If I was hurt or sick and needed help would you help me?
Let it out Chicago………we STM might not say what you *want* to hear but we tend to be rather straightforward as you well know. I like you comments so a post by you should be better!
I_S
IS , so cruel even for you I S , you would not help me because of your pride but a lot.of those posts that got you so emotional were not mine.Do you now feel guilty for being so mean to me ?You.should.Next time you need to ask yourself if this is the real BB or is it some evil impersonation.
I must admit that was touching. The evils of smoke and drink in contrast to little children dying. What would really be touching is to show people what is really killing them and it is not booze and smokes.
To simply look at cancer rates in other parts of the world, contrasted by America, it is clear that smoking and drinking is not what is killing us.
Look at Asia, Japan, Africa. They smoke and drink like fiends, yet the cancer rates are much lower.
There is one thing these place lack that we have in abundance in Amerika.
Pharmaceutical drugs and fast food.
I am not saying drinking or smoking is in any way good, but for real, it is not what is killing people. I have smoked and drank for 40 years. MY BP is 120/72, I can bench press 400 lbs. I can run 10 miles… Nah I can walk around the block though lol. My dick still gets hard and everything else seems to work within established parameters.
What I have never done is taken a Pharmaceutical. Never. or a vaccine. Am I lucky. Probably. However, life has a expiration date. If you want to take vaccines, drugs eat lettuce, so you can spend the last ten years of your life in a nursing home, where Tyrone will give you a sponge bath. God bless.
I don’t regret one cigarette in Thailand, or the drinks and the hookers. It was all good fun. When I die, I will go quick and clean, as to not let the medical establishment rob my family of what little I have.
What is fun is fun. What’s done is done.
Smoke em if you got em
T4C
That is fucked up.
I see this pick on bb day .You will feel guilty in a little while
T4C says:
“Mercy shuns those who “like to diddle little boys.””
T4C, you are embellishing the comment that you attribute to bb. The last time it was: “I like to touch little boys in naughty places”. What will you misquote him as saying next time?
Winston says:
“T4C
That is fucked up.”
That IS fucked up. T4C is normally a rational person but she has this vendetta thing going on with the bb because he picked on her a few times.
IndenturedServant says:
“You either are bb or his very minimally smarter twin.
Fuck me!
I_S”
Again I ask, to what end do you want to call me bb when you ought to know by now that I am a beaner in Cali and bb is a cracker in NC? And what will being smarter get me? Bragging rights? Look at me, I’m 20% smarter.
Nobody gets credit for being smarter. I know you’re smart, maybe you belong to MENSA and shit where people go around sipping green tea and thinking deep thoughts. I’m glad for you but it does nothing for me.
I’m just a dumb ass fucking beaner who comments on TBP just to irritate smart people like you. Why don’t you just ignore me?
Mercy – from Dictionary.com
1. compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one’s power; compassion, pity, or benevolence: Have mercy on the poor sinner.
the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing: an adversary wholly without mercy.
2. the discretionary power of a judge to pardon someone or to mitigate punishment, especially to send to prison rather than invoke the death penalty.
3. an act of kindness, compassion, or favor: She has performed countless small mercies for her friends and neighbors.
4. something that gives evidence of divine favor; blessing: It was just a mercy we had our seat belts on when it happened.
Very thought provoking – thanks.
IMO the “commons” include healthcare and how does “mercy” play out in the “commons”?
I don’t see a tremendous amount of “mercy” in regards to the actual profits of our capitalistic medical/pharmacy monopoly.
Does the ability to heal – particularly if based on the tax funded research from our universities – come with the right to obscene profits of insurance and hospital corporations?
Call me a commie or a left leaning Libertarian but I have issues with the profits made by the “industry” of medicine. As I understand things the Russians and Cubans guarantee a substantial income to those with the desire and skills to be medical professionals – are trained for next to nothing – then enter into a healing practice in conjunction with state. Tylenol is not jacked up, MRI machines are not owned by groups who have “affiliations” with certain medical practices and nurses are respected, not worked like mules.
What is discretionary about healthcare – are we to think of the cost of open heart surgery for a child in the same vein as that trophy house in the gated community w/ the Lexus in the driveway?
When do we differentiate between wants and needs?
If we “want” it bad enough we should find a way to pay for it – and generate a profit.
But, if through no fault of our own – a “need” to sustain/obtain physical life cannot be afforded – now it’s a matter of setting aside profit for charity and mercy?
Not sure that is the direction I wish to see humanity’s evolution continue in.
The Commons belong to us all.
El Coyote, El erudito bíblico extraordinaria
You’re just not going to answer the question, are you?
Nice art you posted, Stuck. Who did these paintings?
Hey butter ball , what is the opposite of mercy ? Hate , indifference ,cruelty ?Here is what God says about you ….your heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked..I ,the Lord ,search the heart ,I test the mind. …Jeremiah 17:9-10 so here is God giving you a description of you.Now ,butter go look up deceit and wickedness and you will find you are the opposite of mercy.The only reason there is any mercy at all is because of God’s common grace.Butter ball ,I know you are very emotional and can’t think beyond one topic at a time so I hope this doesn’t send you into a fit of rage.Last time you and your evil heart showed me no mercy and you want to censor me.
“Nice art you posted, Stuck. Who did these paintings?” ——— Chicago999444
A Native American Indian by the name of Chief Crazy Horseshit.
“Hey butter ball , what is the opposite of mercy ? Hate , indifference ,cruelty ?” —– bb
Ummmmm …. none of them.
Let’s look again at the first two definitions of ‘mercy’ given by Olga; ———- “compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, … the discretionary power of a judge to pardon”
Therefore, the most accurate opposite of mercy is …..justice or judgement.
T4C ,for the last time I DID NOT MAKE ANY STATEMENTS ABOUT LITTLE BOYS .it was someone else.I am a straight heterosexual male who lusts after beautiful adult females and sheep.Kinda like AWD .