Splashback

No, no – you’re not “missing the joke.” This is just a factual illustration for the story below!

From time to time, Hope n’ Change has endeavored to bring you “Good News Fridays” and failed miserably. Seriously, it’s hard enough to find any good news without also needing the cosmic roulette wheel to have it happen on a Friday. Which is why we’re presenting a genuine good news story today!

Specifically, San Francisco has been trying to cope with a serious problem. We’re not referring to their sanctuary city status, their uber-liberal politics, or even all the environmental damage done by Nancy Pelosi when she takes San Francisco soil back to Washington to put in the coffin where she sleeps during the day.

No, the problem we’re talking about is whizzing on walls, which apparently creates a massive citywide stench, various health hazards, and slippery puddles. And the solution is brilliant: the city’s public works department is testing pee-resistant paint on the most peed-upon walls, causing the streams to splash back on the perpetrators – thereby protecting property, teaching a valuable civic lesson, and assuring that Youtube will never run out of hilarious videos!

But as much as we love this idea, we don’t think the whole “splashback” concept is being taken far enough yet…

Why not be more liberal (no pun intended) with its use in San Francisco, so that the officials who release criminals and killers might enjoy a little splashback from the actions of those they set free?

How about painting a few Planned Parenthood clinics, so that the (ahem) “physicians” within get some splashback when their own organs become negotiable commodities?

For that matter, Hope n’ Change would like to see this miracle paint used to cover every structure in Washington so that those who make our laws would get splashback and have to live under those very same laws.  If you think someone peeing on their own shoes is funny, imagine the hilarious shrieking when Senators and Representatives have to cope with Obamacare! Or when they discover that the money to pay for their many benefits will run dry next year, like the Social Security Disability benefits program!

Of course, at the White House (which could even pick a new color at painting time!) the splashback would be absolutely spectacular – with illegal (and possibly criminal) aliens free to come and go, Michelle picking reluctantly at her own appalling school lunches, and Barry repeatedly getting the hot spray of his own racism splashing back on his wingtip shoes and impressively creased pants.

Best of all, none of this has to cost taxpayers a nickel! Hope n’ Change suggests a Kickstarter-style campaign in which the splashback paint is voluntarily paid for by Americans who are pissed off after being pissed on.

We’re guessing we can have the whole thing paid for by noon today.