10 RULES OF AN IRISH PUB IN DUBLIN

Via Lonely Libertarian


11
Leave a Reply

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Zarathustra

Ireland is probably not a preferred destination for devout muslims.

kokoda
kokoda

Q: What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and
an Irish funeral?

A: One less drunk.

kokoda
kokoda

An Irishman’s First Drink With His Son

> I was reading an article last night about fathers
> and sons, and memories came flooding back
> of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
> Off we went to our local bar, which is only
> two blocks from the house.
>
> I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn’t like it –
> so I drank it.
>
> Then I got him an Old Style, he didn’t like
> it either, so I drank it.
>
> It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
>
> By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . . .
>
> I could hardly push the stroller back home

kokoda
kokoda

Two Irish Nuns are sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. “Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to the novice Sister Margaret, ” I don’t think they know who we are. Show them your cross.”

So Sister Margaret rolls down her window and shouts, “Screw off ye little fookin’ wankers, before i come over there and rip yer nuts off !” Sister Margaret looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, was that cross enough?

SSS

“Persons drinking a pint of Guinness before it has fully settled will be immediately barred.”
—-from the list

Not true in my experience. I took a golf trip to Ireland for my 60th, and while I am not a beer drinker, Guinness draft over there is really good. But I found out that bartenders would not serve you the beer until fully settled. Pour. Wait until the foam settles. Pour. Wait. Rinse and repeat.

Fucking ritual can take 5 minutes. It’s like watching paint dry. Worth the wait.

P.M.Lawrence

Zarathustra, Ireland was a preferred destination for devout muslims in the 16th and 17th centuries. The Barbary Corsairs often raided there for slaves and even sacked Baltimore (the real one, not the imitation).

SSS, what you describe is precisely why they also sell Guinness in bottles. The standard method is to buy a draught Guinness, and then buy and drink a bottled one while you wait for the first to be ready. After that you can build up a rhythm of having a bucket chain going so as always to have one ready to hand while another is getting ready.

Bostonbob

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why of course”, comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Ireland”, replies the second man.

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Lets have another round to Ireland.”

“Of course”, replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”

“Dublin”, comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it”, says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”

“Of course”, replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”

“Saint Mary’s”, replies the second man. “I graduated in ’62.”

“This is unbelievable”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and graduated in ’62, too!”

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

“What’s been going on?”, he asks the bartender.

“Nothing much”, replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are feckin drunk again.”

Bostonbob

A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They each buy a pint of Guiness beer.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!”

llpoh
llpoh

A man dressed in a $10,000 dollar Armani suit steps out of his limo, with 2 supermodels on his arm, and a 12″ Stucky on his shoulder, walks into an Irish pub.

The 12″ Stucky immediately jumps off his shoulder onto the bar, and runs down the bar kicking over drinks, peering down the blouses of of the women patrons, pissing on the counter, and giving the finger to all the other patrons.

The bartender said to the guy, “Hey what’s with this jerk 12″ Stucky? And how does an ugly guy like you end up with supermodels?”

The guy says, “Well, it is like this. I was walking on the beach and found an old lantern. I figured, what the heck, and gave it a rub. Poof, a genie appears, and gave me three wishes for setting him free. So first, I wished to have all the money I could ever spend, and so, poof – here I am, stinking rich. My second wish was to be totally irresistible to women, and poof – here I am, I can be with any woman in the world.”

The bartender said “yeah, well, but how do you explain the asshole 12″ Stucky?”

The man said, “well, for my third wish, smart bastard that I am, I wished for a 12″ prick, and I have been stuck with the little bastard ever since.”

Stucky

Truth be told … it’s really only 11 inches. Other than that, I gots no problem wif dat story.

kokoda
kokoda

Just on the chance that someone will see this – the Llpoh joke was the best. He amended a good joke and made it great, cuz it is fun to jab with friends..

Discover more from The Burning Platform

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading