Part Two: THE STUPID, IT BURNS

In Part One we left off with our good fortune in that we did not need to risk life and limb by consorting with the sheople in their confused and panicked, iCrap free state. When we started prepping that was one of my major goals.

The list maker had to work on day two of the Pockylypse but I had called the day before and told El Jefe not to plan on seeing my smiling face since we had nothing pressing at work but that I was available if needed.

I set about cleaning up the debris that was everywhere. I think I had the remains of a dozen roofs in my backyard. No one claimed ownership though so I guess it was finders-keepers. Once I made some progress I headed out on foot to see how other neighbors had fared. The volume of destruction was exactly the same as the category 4 hurricane we had endured in 1989 but without the rain. We had cold instead with temps in the twenties and teens in store.

I learned that winds on the coast were 120 mph and one hundred miles west of here the winds were clocked at 116 mph. The highest wind recorded at our airport was only 71 but I find that hard to believe judging by what I see. Four miles from my house during hurricane Hugo the anemometer broke at 112 mph and the wind damage here equaled what I saw there.

This storm occurred 19 years after, to the week that we suffered a massive ice storm that left us without power for 17 days. That was when I bought my first generator. Back then the majority of the damage was simply downed lines with a few downed poles and trees. I was told that TPTB had declared that this event was much more severe with respect to the power grid. DUH! I suspect that the Governor and his peeps were in the 3-4 never seen before helicopters buzzing back and forth over the south side of town for several hours. I do lack an emergency radio which I should buy (prep deficit #3) but to be honest I’m not missing the news or the innerwebs, or the teevee one bit.

I meant to snag a few more loads of wood chips for my Back to Eden Garden before the weather turned cold but I never did. As luck would have it I caught a beaner speeding down my street on his way to pay to dump his load at the dump and had him drop it in my yard instead. I wanted to get some before they run out don’t cha know!

As I talked with some of my neighbors further afield I started making notes of the stupid ones to avoid and the ones who might prove worthwhile in the big SHTF scenario. The first moron I encountered was a woman who was running around with a camera taking pictures of the damage while literally walking and standing on downed power lines! No shit! I pointed out that her behavior ran counter to living a long and happy life and had to listen to her go on about all the other stupid kind of shit she does all the time. She called it “accident prone”. I made a mental note not to say anything to the next idiot I see standing on downed lines.

I grew weary of being asked when I thought the power might be back on. I demoralized several when I told them that the ice storm outage was 17 days and that this looked far worse than that. I told them 21 days in an effort to cheer them up but I don’t think my words brought comfort. I could see that several people were making mental notes not to talk to me anymore. Perhaps I micro aggressed them? It was a win-win either way in my book so I headed home to rake the yard and decompress by throwing a tennis ball for the pups while drinking a tall IPA.

Day three was spent fine tuning my generator schedule and the maze of extension cords in the house. I have a deep freeze to maintain below zero if possible, a fridge freezer in the kitchen and the life giving, spirit lifting kegerator containing six different beers on tap and an assortment of twenty or so bottled beers. I also have to run the furnace about twice a day to keep the temp at sixty or above. I augment that by placing a Mr. Heater propane heater under the cold air return so that the house warms up faster.

Today is trash day and it amazes me to see the City is going ahead with trash pickup considering that more streets and alleys are blocked than not. The first trash truck I see takes out a low hanging power line which feeds the streetlight on the corner. He nearly breaks the pole it’s on but never even noticed the incident. Had it been live, he’d have died without a clue. I talk to a nearby neighbor and ask when they want to hold a block party BBQ to use up all the meat that is rapidly thawing in everyone’s freezers. He said since it was trash day, they just emptied their fridge and freezer into the trash before it went bad. I almost told him that he could have set most of it outside in the cold to preserve it for a week or two but thought better of it when he told me ice was sold out across town. Apparently it never occurred to him that he could make ice in his back yard. (not that he needed it)

Another close neighbor was trying to keep his pipes from freezing with a kerosene heater but he was so paranoid that he would only run it for an hour a day because he didn’t want carbon monoxide to build up. I noted that all his shades were drawn tight despite copious amounts of Sunlight trying to get in and that he still had a window A/C unit in one window that was either allowing heat out or cold in. I mentioned that it might be easier to warm the place up with some simple fixes like letting the Sun in or removing that window A/C unit. Apparently my advice fell on deaf ears.

I noted that many cars were driving all over the neighbor hood. It was like a never ending parade in fact. During a minor traffic jam I asked one of the ladies in a car why everyone was driving through the neighborhood. I was thinking maybe it was because our neighborhood might be one of the worst hit and they were just looky-loos or something. She replied that she and her sister’s family in the car behind her were just driving around charging their iCrap and she didn’t know what the other cars were doing. Alrighty then……..lets burn gasoline at $2.26/gallon to charge phones when in reality you can just leave your car parked and turned OFF to do the same fucking thing.

It seems like most of my neighbors are going to perish when the big SHTF scenario hits. The only neighbors that seemed worth a shit in adverse conditions were too busy to talk as they were busy practicing their self reliance skills. I offered up what I could spare to several of them but except for a spare propane heater I loaned, most were content to make due with what they had. The power line stander on’ers, mobile phone chargers and perfectly good food thrower awayers were not intelligent enough to make use of my spare preps so I never offered anything to them.

I repaired to the Doomstead to play with the dogs and rig up a system to take hot showers using a corny keg, a bottle of CO2 and some beer line tubing. Simply add warm water made on the camp stove and you can take NAVY showers with a gallon or two of water. (Future prep note: install natural gas H2O heater soon)

The list maker went to Costco to get some gas and if the store looked safe, a few supplies we could use but did not need if conditions looked iffy. The store was dead and she got out of there for just under $100. She wanted me to go but I figured the body count might be too high if I started shooting morans and besides, I had to rebuild the carb on my snowblower which was contaminated with gas-glue. Snow is predicted for next week I’m told. Upon returning, the list maker said it was a good thing I stayed home. Morans don’t bother her like they do me.

Except for the garbage truck, I haven’t seen hide nor hair of management or the local Gestapo. I’m still not sure who was flying around in the whirly birds. I only assume it was the big cheese so that he could beg for emergency free shit from Mordor on the Potomac. He was probably sipping champagne and munching on caviar high above the plebes. I’m going to work tomorrow so I can rest and I’ll get to survey more of the damage. I hear that only three of four traffic lights are working in the city and traffic looks like that in Mogadishu so it ought to be fun. Right now it’s time for homemade chicken and dumplings.

Stay tuned for the as yet untitled part three………

I fully expect to see or hear about this before it’s over. (with or without the bolt cutters)