The Russiagate Scam Will Blow Up In The Democrats’ Smug Faces

Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter

If you’re stressed out about this whole Russian nonsense, relax – Donald Trump didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s not going be impeached, arrested, or ritually disemboweled. When the truth comes out and it explodes in the Democrats’ soft, girlish hands, we’ll all be laughing and toasting their humiliation with Stoli shots.

How do I know this with utter certainty? Because it’s all so glaringly obvious, and it’s the only scenario that fits the facts. As Hugh Hewitt says, this scandal has three silos. The first silo is the question of whether the Russians somehow “hacked our election.” The second silo is whether any Trump people “colluded” with the Russians. The third silo, the one patriots care most about since it’s the one that isn’t a ridiculous fantasy, is whether anyone in Obama’s administration used our intelligence apparatus to spy on his and Hillary’s political opponents. The answers are “No,” “No,” and “Yes.” The end results are going to be a stronger Trump, weaker Democrats, and various Obama minions exploring new career opportunities in the exciting fields of license plate-making, large-to-small rock transformation, and artisanal pruno distilling.

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Russians didn’t hack the election. Liberals use the word “hacked” because they can claim they only mean “influenced” while implying to stupid people inclined to believe their conspiracy theories that the Russians broke into computers and changed votes from Hillary to Donald. Of course, they forgot to also change the Senate votes to the Dems, but whatev.

Even James Comey agrees that never happened, so now the Democrats are claiming that Russian social media bots used fake news to trick the previously Hillary-inclined electorate into voting against her. Basically, they’re saying Hillary’s supporters were easily duped idiots. Now, dummies have always been a key Democrat demographic. She clearly has a unique appeal to the stupid, the gullible, and the readily confused, making the voters she was counting on especially vulnerable to those cunning Russian clickbaiters operating from secret Macedonian villages.

“Well, I was exploring the shocking real reason CHiPS went off the air, which was going to stun me, when I saw a story on OMGLinks that Hillary Clinton had an alien baby. Why, then I knew I had to vote for Donald Trump because I hate aliens. We got to build us a wall around space and make them Space Mexicans pay for it!”

“I was using my portable computer machine to internet, and I was about to have my jaw dropped by what Joyce Dewitt of Three’s Company looks like today, when I saw the link to proof that Hillary and Bill Clinton are gun-grabbing devil worshipers. So I had to vote for Trump, because I cling to my guns and my religion and my other guns.”

Their alternate version of You Stole My Morons! is that the release of the damning facts contained in John Podesta and Felonia von Pantsuit’s emails made people think she was terrible. People thought that because those emails showed, beyond any doubt, that she is terrible, and that her Democrat Party is less a political organization than a disorganized crime ring. Remember that when the media gets angry about the emails, the reason is that you got accurate information about the media’s partisan pals that the media wanted hidden from you. Democracy dies in darkness all right; the media is trying to strangle it in an unlit alley.

The Trump campaign never colluded with the Russians. This is true even though the definition of “colluding” has been expanded to include pretty much any interaction with anyone or anything Russian. If they found out Reince Preibus had an old DVD of Rush Hour, Adam Schiff would be in front of a mic with CNN cutting in live. The whole stupid collusion thing has become a weird, Beautiful Mind-esque conspiracy theory with scores of Trumpaphobic loonies out there sharing their bizarre spider webs of intrigue via Twitter memes. Does Gorky Park have a grassy knoll?

Regardless, it’s safe to say that there was absolutely no collusion of any kind between Team Trump and anyone Russian. None. How do I know this to a near certainty? Because we haven’t seen anybody leak any evidence of any in the six-plus months that they’ve been pushing this nonsense.

Nothing.

But…but…but Ivan Ivanosky’s airplane was in Utah once and Utah has the Great Salt Lake and Trump put salt on his taco and ALL THE PIECES FIT!

Nothing.

You think the geniuses leading our intelligence community – not the brave and dedicated folks in the trenches but the clowns and political suck-ups lording over them – could have or would have kept real collusion secret? Do you think if Trump was cavorting with the former commies we wouldn’t have heard about it from the NYT, the WaPo and the rest of the Democrat steno pool about a week before November 8th?

Get. Real.

And that brings us to the third silo, because the Democrat heads of our intelligence community desperately wanted to leak anything that might remotely embarrass Trump. In fact, my money has always been on the person who leaked the classified Flynn info being a name we’ll all recognize, a suspicion Fox’s Adam Housley’s reporting backs up. Hell yes, Donald Trump was “wiretapped.” So were you, by the way. And me. From open source information shared by defectors the intelligence community was too incompetent to keep from defecting, we know that every single electronic communication we send is collected in the NSA mainframes. Every single one. And the NSA has algorithms they can use to search it. You don’t go plant a bug in Trump Tower. You wiretap the opposition party’s nominee for president by running a search through the communications that the government “incidentally” collected. And if you find something juicy, then you call up your buddy at the Post and hand it over.

If. Does anyone here think for a millisecond that the Obama-appointed leadership in the intelligence community, whose loyalty is to their own political class and not to the country, would hesitate for a microsecond before leaking something they thought would hurt Trump? We know they wouldn’t hesitate because they didn’t hesitate – they feloniously released a classified transcript involving Mike Flynn just to shaft him and the Administration. Flynn did not do anything illegal in that illegally released transcript; he misled the Veep about the topics he (legally and properly) discussed, and for that he got canned. So why is his lawyer demanding immunity? Because his lawyer isn’t a drooling moron working rear-ender soft tissue cases out of a van down by the river; no quarter-competent lawyer is going to let his client walk into a Democrat witch hunt without either ironclad immunity or the words “I take the Fifth” on his lips – you know, just like all of Hillary’s people did.

The only crime we know about for sure – the only one – is that some senior member of Obama’s intelligence community committed a felony by leaking classified information regarding Mike Flynn’s intercepted communications. That’s it. And that’s why the Democrats would rather talk about anything else. Understand that everything the Democrats say is a lie. Every single word, plus the punctuation. They’re dumb, but they’re not so stupid as not to realize that this Putin nonsense, manufactured as a pathetic excuse for their utter humiliation in November, is falling apart. With the help of their media minions, they hope if they keep shouting “Look, Russians!” we’ll grow so bored we’ll just tune out. It’s their only hope for keeping Obama’s buddies off the chopping block. They all thought Hillary was going to win and that there would be no accountability, so they were safe using the government systems they had been entrusted to manage to spy on their incoming boss’s political opponents. Oops.

Look, I have friends who think differently, and I’ve carefully considered their views because some are serious people. They really believe that there is something out there. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it was Russian-inspired clickbait stories on Facebook that magically converted hundreds of thousands of dedicated “I’m with her” Hillary fans in the Rust Belt into #MAGA hat-wearing Trumpmaniacs. Maybe liberal Washington D.C. establishment types had the honor and patriotism required to keep a juicy tidbit like Trump playing footsie with the Russians under wraps for better than half a year. And maybe Lena Dunham will get put on the cover of the next Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.

Yeah, no. I’m not wrong. This is all going to blow up in the Democrats’ faces, and when it does I’m going to laugh and raise my vodka glass in a joyous toast to their latest and greatest failure. ?? ????????!

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18 Comments
Flashman
Flashman
April 3, 2017 1:44 pm

Sat Cong.

Mike Murray
Mike Murray
  Flashman
April 3, 2017 7:46 pm

Good one = dead one.

Jake
Jake
  Flashman
April 3, 2017 11:22 pm

Sin loi.

kokoda - the most deplorable
kokoda - the most deplorable
April 3, 2017 2:25 pm

All Liberal politicians have to take the course titled ‘The Art of the Lie’.

This was a real educational course.

Ed
Ed
April 3, 2017 3:19 pm

Ah, Kurt, you eternal optimist. We’ll just have to wait and see.

George Rizk
George Rizk
  Ed
April 5, 2017 12:10 pm

Felonies von Pantsuit? LOL
I love this style of irreverent writing. The whole idea that the leaked information about how Hillary and her gang are racists is a huge blow to the foaming at the mouth PC crowd. At the end of the day whether the leaker was domestic or foreign it becomes irrelevant. Obummer, himself said it a couple of weeks before the election attacking Trump: he should grow up, and stop whining, the American elections are not and cannot be manipulated. Now that his be-itch lost, the Russians made her lose as his goons were spying on Trump. If we were in a third world country, Trump would simply order the arrest of Obummer, Hilarious, Rice a Roni, and the heads of all our intelligence services.

TampaRed
TampaRed
April 3, 2017 3:49 pm
Rise Up
Rise Up
April 3, 2017 5:40 pm

Last week I was at the rec center sharing the Jacuzzi with 2 middle-aged women who, although didn’t know each other when they entered, struck up a conversation about this whole Russia-Trump bullshit. They became so excited with the idea of Trump getting impeached over this I thought they were gonna explode. One of them claimed to be an “intellectual” but actually had the mind of a flea, and said Trump travels to Mar-a-lago in Florida so he can be close to Cuba to secretly meet with the Russians there.

After patiently listening to these two quacks for 20 minutes, when I got up to leave I said “You two should get a room…in a mental ward…for Russiaphobes and Trumpophobes”.

The looks on their faces was priceless.

Other annon
Other annon
April 3, 2017 5:45 pm

IMO a game of chase the rabbit,when they want your attention and msm diverted.Another CIA trick?

unit472
unit472
April 3, 2017 7:08 pm

Here is what happened to General Flynn. After a long career in the US military he retired. He lost the perks, but not the appetite for them, that come with being a Lieutenant General and his pension wasn’t going to be enough for him to lead the life that he had become accustomed to. So, he signed with a ‘speakers agency’ who put his ‘resume’ out for bid to the DC swamp and various lobbying groups, foreign and domestic, knowing he would likely have influence in some future administration, paid for him to come address their organization. Flynn made $1.3 million dollars last year!

Its how the DC swamp operates. Some Turkish company based in the Netherlands hires Flynn to speak to a group. Flynn makes $10,000 and gets some swamp muck on his boots that only shows up when he walks on the carpets of Donald Trumps White House.

RiNS
RiNS
  unit472
April 4, 2017 6:42 am

Yep. You pretty much summed it up unit. Hard to get by on a pension keeping up with the Jonses when all his friends are slurping in the trough.

Mike Murray
Mike Murray
April 3, 2017 7:47 pm

She clearly has a unique appeal to the stupid, the gullible, the readily confused, and THE CORRUPT

prospector
prospector
April 4, 2017 10:13 am

I wasn’t alive during the McCarthyism days, when calling someone a pinko was the SOP of Tail-Gunner Joe (a republican).

But it sure seems to me that this is a repeat of that era, only this time it is the Dems who are using the same tried and true techniques of red baiting.

it worked back then, because there was no way to disprove a negative, and I can imagine clowns like Chuck S. and other DemoQuacks think it will work again, because, you know, people represented by these politicians are supposed to be dumb.

“if they weren’t dumb, they would be on the gravy train, just like us”

richard feibel
richard feibel
  prospector
April 5, 2017 11:05 am

YOU WEREN’T ALIVE THEN I WAS! AND OLD JOE WAS CORRECT THE GOVERNMENT HAD BEEN IN THE HANDS OF FDR /TRUMAN FOR 20YRS AND WAS INFESTED WITH CCCP AGENTS .WHAT HE DID WAS GO WAY TO FAR INTO SOMETHING HE COULD NOT HANDLE .HE WAS SPOT ON ABOUT HOLLYWOOD AS WE KNOW TODAY BUT TO SHOW HOW STUPID AMERICANS ARE THEY PUT HIM DOWN KNOWING FULL WELL WHAT HOLLYWOOD IS A ZIONIST BOLSHEVIC CRIME ORG. SO UNLESS YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING DO SOME RESEARCH.

Robert (QSLV)
Robert (QSLV)
April 4, 2017 12:42 pm

Trump put salt on his Taco????????????????? It’s a good thing I didn’t know that before I voted for him.

Robert (QSLV)

richard feibel
richard feibel
April 5, 2017 10:57 am

WHILE I TO WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE DEMS BLOWN APART AND EMBARRASSED IN FRONT OF THE WORLD .I ALSO WANT THE REACTIONARY REPUBLICANS AS WELL TO DESTROY THEM SELVES AND ALSO SOME SO CALLED LIBERTARIANS WHO ARE REPUBLICAN WALL STREETERS IN A LIE. AND WHY THE HALLELUJA FOR TRUMP WHO CARES WHETHER HE IS IMPEACHED OR RESIGNS OR WHAT EVER .I DON T GET WHY ARE PEOPLE DEFENDING HIM. IS HE ANY DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER LYING POTUS ????THEY HAVE AN EVEN BIGGER ZIONIST NEO CON CRIMINAL PENCE WAITING IN THE WINGS.

Syren
Syren
April 5, 2017 5:30 pm

Dazzling in its description and faultless in its contention. I look forward to joining you in various Russian-inspired toasts when it all goes down. Excellent work, sir.

Dutch
Dutch
April 6, 2017 1:05 pm

So well said, so spot on and so fun to read. But I have to ask when do we enter Phase II?

Look its clear at this point that the alt media has ripped the beating heart out of the MSM and left it for dead. All the big scoops, all the big personalities, and all the big news now comes from the alt media (unless it has to do with the Kardashians). Every alt media site is growing while every MSM outlet is losing readers, money, credibility and hope. So WHY, WHY, WHY do nearly all the alt media sites continue to chase the MSM news cycle and MSM narratives. This article is another in a long string of alt media articles taking a defensive posture in reaction to the “Russian hacking/Russian agent” narrative that is so overwhelmingly disproven that it doesn’t deserve any more time or attention. Furthermore it is coming into clear focus that this was all a big attempted frameup by the Democrats, planned long before the election, in the process of which they violated a laundry list of laws that would put you or me away for decades. But does this article come out and say that? No. It dances around these, the only verifiable facts, in a defensive posture. Granted its a mocking defensive posture, but a defensive one nonetheless. The true title for this story should have been:

“Evidence Mounts in Attempted Frameup of Trump Admin by Democrats”
with the byline:
“Failed Attempt to Smear Trump Campaign Leaves Obama and Administration Officials Facing Legal Consequences”

That’s how you do it. You stake that flag in the ground and make THEM react to YOU. Especially when you’re the one with more readers, more momentum, and your candidate in the Oval Office. You don’t pussy foot around baseless accusations defending yourself from nonsense, while the people you’re defending yourself against are the ones who ACTUALLY committed REAL crimes and you have a growing mountain of proof. Even if you do it as cleverly and enjoyably as Schlichter does it here. TAKE WTF IS YOURS and wield it like a baseball bat. In this case its the high ground, the facts, and the law, so Kurt should have grasped that he could wield that bat with impunity. But instead he speaks, however sarcastically, to their narrative and not his own.

Plant your ‘effing foot in the ground and say what you mean. Call spades spades. Call the real Russian agents (who sold our uranium rights to Russia) the real Russian agents. Call out the violations of NatSec protocol by Obama and his entire NatSec apparatus. Bombard readers with the litany of facts that support these claims and then call for the full penalties the law prescribes. Anything less than that is failing your charter and whiffing on the biggest opportunity you’ve had since you started the site. Am I the only one who gets this? Beat the MSM to DEATH with their own BS. Maybe nobody at TBP is as well versed in “Rules for Radicals” as Clinton and Obama are, so I’ll give you some Cliffs notes: make them defend their position as much as possible. Steer them into side battles that diminish their capacity to fight the big one. And repeat every assertion as often as possible until it becomes everyone’s truth (especially since in this case it IS the REAL truth). But long as you ignore these you will remain on the defensive side even when the truth is on yours. And you will lose to a chump opponent because they did use these tactics.

Step up your game TBP. I’m only telling you this because I know you have the wherewithal to do it, and want to see you succeed. Bring the bodacious claims, controversy and undeniable facts supporting them. That’s how you’ll crush the MSM and its bogus narratives with it.