For years I’ve heard the media and experts spout off about how the country is doomed because of a entitlement mentality. This also extents to calling my generation a group of narcissists who can’t be bothered to set their phones down long enough to realize they’re driving into on coming traffic.
As much as I’d like to disagree with the full blown entitlement in our country or jump on the bandwagon, it’s not the entitled I blame. It’s the enablers who perpetuate this problem.
When campus brats were protesting against whatever SJW click-bait worthy issue of the month I kept asking myself a very simple question, “Where are the grown ups”? Why are the school administrators putting up with this crap? Why are they letting a bunch of nobodies destroy their University’s credibility?
Because they’re enablers too cowardly to do anything about it.
It took me awhile to understand the entitlement accusations. Partly because I was never exposed to such an extreme version of this mindset. Every young person is going to feel entitled until they have a enough life experiences to know better.
They’ll believe they deserve a job they didn’t earn because they have no idea how the person currently filling that position earned their job. They’ll feel they’re entitled to other people’s time because they don’t realize some people have a full to-do list of responsibilities and obligations. They’ll assume they can say or do whatever they wish until they’re met with real world consequences for their actions.
This is where enablers come in and ruin the day. See, when someone is being a jackass usually people don’t want to associate with them. Their behavior results in the natural consequence of, “To hell with this guy” and they stop interacting with them. Enablers disrupt the natural progression from actions to consequences.
Anytime an enabler coddles or tries to prevent people from experiencing natural consequences the entitlement mindset continues. It baffles me how far enablers will go to spare someone’s feelings and prevent them from experiencing natural consequences.
Tell Them “No”
Time to put on your best Nancy Reagan impression and just say “No”.
No, I won’t lend you money. No, I won’t work on my day off. No, you can’t borrow my car. No, I won’t babysit for you. No, I won’t bail you out of jail. No, I won’t wash the skid marks out of your underwear.
While saying “No” firmly and creating a boundary is a straightforward way of responding to being imposed upon, it does come with its own natural consequence. There’s a lot of people who aren’t used to being told “No” and will respond with a temper tantrum. Or they’ll give you the silent treatment for having the audacity of not jumping to their beat.
Move Out Of The Way
The easiest way to get rid of entitlement mentality is to step out of the way and let them jump off the cliff without the parachute. You don’t have to try to reason with them about how jumping off a cliff is risky or jumping without a parachute is fatal.
Don’t Rescue Them
So you’ve let the know-it-all daredevil jump off the cliff and they’re still alive. By some miracle a bush like tree broke their fall. They’re bloodied, bruised, and hanging from a branch. But, they’re still alive. The next step is to not go searching for a ladder to get them down from the tree. After all, you might get sued for whatever bullshit reason. Call the paramedics and let them take care of their own problems.
Stepping aside and letting people suffer the consequences of their decisions is the only way to get rid of entitlement mentality.
Good stuff Stephanie! You are wise beyond your years! This is exactly how I raised my children: logical and natural consequences. The most difficult thing EVER is to watch your children fall, fail, get their feelings hurt, and so on. But you can’t buy those kinds of lessons, lessons that last a lifetime.
I am currently in the midst of watching my youngest suffer from some poor decision making. He’s not in trouble or anything horrible, he just wasted good money on fun stuff when he had it; now he needs $$ to start a small business and he’s essentially broke. I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about him, but I refuse to bail him out. Delayed gratification is a tough one for this child. He’ll learn eventually.
On a larger scale, there needs to be a point where the government says a bit fat
“NO!” to the free shit parasites instead of actually rewarding and offering incentives for bad behavior, bad decisions and laziness. I can think of a million ways to make these things happen but no politician is ever going to do anything about it unless they want to commit political suicide.
Greetings,
I know exactly what you are saying. I’ve warned my daughter of the dangers of debt, especially student loan and credit card debt. Instead of listening to my advice, she secretly enrolled in a worthless “fashion” school which set her back $44,000 and decided to celebrate dropping out “fashion” school by going to Paris for three weeks and putting the entire trip on a credit card.
She’s defaulted on her student loans and the money lenders harass her non-stop even going so far as to call her friends and even the parents of her friends if you can believe that. I only ever received one call and the person that called me probably had to log off and take a few minutes to recover.
About 6 months ago she realized that if you only make the minimum payment (something I must have told her about 100 times) then you can never really pay off your 10k credit card bill especially after the interest goes to 29.99%
She has asked me to pay off these debts for her and I’ve refused. I’m not the one that got to spend three weeks in Paris or do two semesters drinking latte’s with the dullard children of the elite learning the ever in demand skill of “fashion”. No, I was working.
I was and still am driving around in my 1989 Chevy S-10, still wearing clothes from the thrift store, dining in, buying my food in bulk and checking Craigslist every day for free items that can be refurbished. Yes, I could pay off those debts for her but what would she learn? She would only do it again and probably do it worse. She didn’t listen when I told her how it all works but I can tell you that she certainly knows that I was right.
Oooooh! You’re SO mean! 😉 Actually, I’m giving you a standing ovation for fine parenting! It’s tough, I know. Kids are bombarded non-stop by the lure of debt, credit cards, HAVING to go to college and taking the loans to make it happen. All the time, I hear about how impossible it is to work and go to school these days. No one wants to make the sacrifices it takes to make it happen, that’s all. My oldest is working and putting herself through nursing school right now so it is possible if you’re willing to give up sipping lattes and the latest e-gadgets.
All my kids have *mostly* listened to me on the debt front. They drive used cars, wear thrift-store clothing, and usually prepare meals at home. However, I suspect my middle child has taken out a bunch of credit cards, “to improve her credit score”, and has probably run them up. Not. My. Problem. She’s been on her own for several years and thankfully, has a job that pays fairly well. I’m going to hate it if I ever have to say, “I told you so…”
Greetings,
Yeah, in the end I must keep reminding myself that her behavior is not a reflection of me. After all, we do not choose our Olympic Athletes by choosing the children of former Olympic Athletes and we no longer have hereditary rule. The apple may not fall far from the tree but it does fall.
In the end, I do feel bad for these kids. They are told that if they go into soul crushing debt then they’ll get a sheet of paper that validates them and entitles them to earn six figures as a window display designer at some boutique that is barely keeping its head above water. Screw the owner, they are “entitled” to this.
Note: this is true. The school my daughter attended was preparing her for the lucrative career of being a “display designer” which is a very fancy term for the person that dresses up the mannequin. After all, who wouldn’t pay $88,000 to learn how to do that, right? C’mon, it takes a full two years to acquire this difficult skill.
“to improve her credit score”
Teri, explain to your daughter that the best and only way to have a good credit score is to have lots of debt and be a good debt slave so in reality her credit score is a score of how much she loves debt.
She may benefit from the comment I suggested that Nickel show his daughter. (below)
This dovetails well with the article from Charles Hugh Smith, in that most parents would do the “easy” thing and bail them out.
It’s HARD not just on them, but it’s also very hard on you to watch your children suffer from their mistakes.
I learned on the Daily Show when they sent Jason Jones to Russia for a series of stories a couple of years ago, that Russia has a common saying: “Don’t be a Pussy”. For the most part, TBP readers excluded, American parents are total Pussies and will always choose the easy path, even if it makes the eventual consequences that much more painful.
A++++
Nickel, show your daughter my comment (posted as Anonymous thanks to WP) at 5:37pm on the
thread.
Oh yeah, EXCELLENT decision on not bailing your daughter out! I don’t even have kids and I’m still driving an ’86 Toyota 4Runner!
Steph
You have to follow the money. The cultural enablers get rewarded for the dissipation of the work ethic and the creation of irresponsible expectations. Teaching children to refuse the siren song when it plays for them in a million ways is a mighty challenge.
Sadly, I know this to be true. Consider the hissy fit since November when America told the liberal elites a big fat “No”. They’re not used to someone standing up to their bully tactics and chaos has ensued ever since. Hillary Clinton’s defeat was followed by the biggest temper tantrum in political history.
The concerning part about curbing entitlements is the coming backlash when the money runs out and lots of people are going to hear a resounding “NO” for the first time in decades (for some, in their lifetimes).
It’s already starting in one of the Gulf Coast states where they brought back means testing for welfare. The mere implementation of means testing resulted in a big exodus of free loaders from the welfare rolls.
Don’t know about the gulf states, but Georgia implemented a law in which you either have to be (under) employed, looking for work and reporting where you’ve applied, interviewed, etc., or enrolled in a job training program. The welfare roll in Georgia has basically collapsed. The lazy, won’t-workers aren’t interested in doing any of that. It’s too much like work.
Well done Stephanie! I am an MD at Storia please reach out to us.
It was Alabama I was thinking about but there are others. KD on the YOU MEAN THEY WERE STEALING thread jogged my memory.
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/07/04/food-stamp-rolls-plummet-in-states-that-restore-work-requirements.html
Gayle.
Right you are. When half the govt. and tax money is used to undermine our no’s and tells them we are out of touch it’s harder than it sounds. I’ve had it happen.
Good read Steph!! Keep ’em coming….
The voters don’t choose the president.
Cleaning the skid marks out of their underwear….Oh HELL NO !
Tell them to buy and wear only black underwear !
Another parental fail…..teaching them to properly wipe!
Loved the article. I would clarify on one of your premises though–I do not think the “adults” at the universities or government student loan programs are enablers. I think the proper word is facilitators as the SJW and entitled crowd are doing and thinking exactly as they have been artfully conditioned to do and act.
They are not being enabled as much as they are being specifically manipulated into this mindset and its subsequent anger when reality hits them in the face. How else do you get large masses of angry, disgruntled youth wanting to “fundamentally transform” and trash their culture and comfortable society that they’ve been handed?
Good point, Javelin.
Marshmallows.
To whatever lesser extent nurtures play, natures drive.
Popeye: I yam what I yam. (Substitute spinachmallows.)
Since what’s there was already there – or largely so – merits & demerits in service of ‘building the perfect beast’ don’t make much sense. New Soviet Wo\man, ♪ teach, your children well ♫ – same thing, different scales.
So what do people who want it both ways represent about gratification? Iow, the marshmallow•out•there is blameless. It’s that inner marshmallow that will gladly pay next Tuesday for a s’more right now. Or not.
Take it as you find it. If that’s how you’re wired. (Few are wired that way.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mWc1Y2dpmY
Put 50 marshmallows on a plate, leave the kids alone, and they’ll experience some natural consequences from gorging on marshmallows. You won’t have to bother with delayed gratification the next time.
Steph…The kids predisposed to gorging will. The ones predisposed to other strategies, having other inborn inclinations, will do something else. Both my brothers at that age would have gorged. I would have taken 1 or 2, doled out the rest for weeks.
Tabula rasa is not there, waiting for others to fill it in. The table’s already set, or mostly so, when you get there.
“I Forget,” you remind me of my brother. When we were younger and walked to the store to buy some candy (yes, I said “walked” and, oh my gosh, by ourselves), my oldest brother and I would eat all of out candy within the day. My second oldest brother would save his for two or three days. When we wanted more candy, but my mother wouldn’t let us walk to the store for some obscure reason that day, he would sell us half a candy bar for the price of a full candy bar and half a gum packet for the price of a full gum packet. He was very smart. Have to say he’s not rich, as he works for a living, but pretty comfortable financally today.
You & your brothers tell the true tale, same as me & mine. We all are who & what we are, mostly from the get-go. It’s up to each individual to read himself, herself, others, the terrain – but reading, & comprehension, are allotted in advance, too, just like all the other attributes.
My dyslexic brother never could read written words worth a damn. He dropped out of HS because of it. But he was no dummy. And still, the rations of shite he had to take from the collective of “school,” his father, things & people who weren’t\couldn’t read for comprehension, was hard on him. All that was wholly wrong & misplaced. Same as so much other that goes on amongst people.
I raced motocross in my teens. It was a rolling epiphany. Control is an illusion:
Actually, my brother with money smarts dropped out of high school. He hated having to follow stupid rules. And he stayed in trouble because he didn’t like sitting all day and wanted to talk even when the teachers didn’t want him to. He was actually very good in Math and, had he stay in school, he could have done a lot with that skill. But he decided to become a welder, got the training, and has been working ever since. And in high demand, I understand. The jobs call him.
Delayed gratification has been shown to be highly correlated with intelligence, and has been tested extensively in young children.
So I’ve heard. Correlations have also been highly, er, correlated with herds…so I’ve seen.
My youngest brother, among other things, was dyslexic. He thought in pictures. Could take anything apart & reassemble it. Could drive a car like nobody I ever saw. If only he’d been driver, instead of passenger, the night he got killed.
The other brother, among other things, was a beautiful boxer. Dominant right-handed, or southpaw. He’d switch back & forth just to imbalance the other guy. And he knocked ‘em out both ways.
There’s all kinds of intelligence. But neither of my bro’s would have conserved the marshmallows. That was me. Among other things.
I don’t understand why people didn’t like the marshmallow experiment video. What am I missing?
Somebody didn’t like it? S\he prolly dislikes puppies, too. Lol…
One possibility: free will worshippers will tell you it’s their will to shoot messengers who point out their divine emperor’s nudity.
This is a feel good article that proposes puffery but no meat.
— “While saying “No” firmly and creating a boundary is a straightforward way of responding to being imposed upon, it does come with its own natural consequence. There’s a lot of people who aren’t used to being told “No” and will respond with a temper tantrum.”
They will respond with getting you fired or in jail… either by running to amenable authorities, making false claims, or dragging unrelated private information into the public in highly distorted ways putting you on the defensive.
You aren’t even necessarily safe telling your own children no without risk of them being taken away from you. Especially if sexuality is involved.
So… you’ve said “No” and they not only don’t accept your no, they have now got you under the thumb of the law, employment risk, etc.
THAT is the part of the problem that has to be dealt with and your “a few simple steps” doesn’t address that. People have been saying “No” for a very long time and have been losing because we don’t have anything to back up our No with.
— “The easiest way to get rid of entitlement mentality is to step out of the way and let them jump off the cliff without the parachute.”
It’s also the easiest way to let them ruin your company (whether you own it or not) putting your own employment at risk. And if it comes out that you knew their actions were going to result in failure you better hope you didn’t document your concern because they will readily turn the script around and make you accountable for their failure.
Of course if you bring up the problem you also might face their attack.
Your intent is good, but your steps aren’t “simple” and your ideas are gentle breezes of thought grazing the true density and sharpness of the weapons being wielded by the entitlement brigade.
Razzle, I took this as a thought exercise, a common-sense thought, not a how-to on ending entitlements and dependency. Unfortunately, the government has caused this and we’re not the ones that can fix it. And honestly, the government doesn’t care what we think anyway.
Steph, I thought this was excellent! To be a college student and to have such a good head on your shoulders, you should be proud of yourself. After all, all writing is “puffery.” We’re puffing up our ideas, putting them out there for the world, or fewer, to see. One thing you’ll learn, if writing a column or writing for an online audience, you have to be able to take the criticism. Some people are asses, some people won’t agree with you, some people will agree, and some will think you’re brilliant. But I think you can handle it. Keep the articles coming. I really enjoyed this. 🙂
This article is the social conservative equivalent of “Vogue: 3 ways to drive your man wild!”
If the article was titled “Generally good principles for raising a child without an entitlement mindset” then it would have been fine. But positioning itself as a method for addressing the entitlement war currently heating up… it’s fluffy pandering to an amenable crowd with no substance for actually dealing with the problem it positions itself as addressing. It’s vapor… good intentioned feel good vapor but still vapor.
— “After all, all writing is “puffery.””
Nonense. Some writing is harsh and precise… some is vague and abstract.
— “One thing you’ll learn, if writing a column or writing for an online audience, you have to be able to take the criticism.”
I consider this to be far more demeaning to Steph’s character and strength than my criticism. You’re treating her with kid gloves.
Steph, is venturing into the arena more and more and the folks on the *other* side don’t respond well AT ALL to being told “no” and if the intent is to make a difference, there is going to need to be more metal meeting metal and less Nancy Reagan. Remember… Nancy’s method didn’t work.
In addition understanding that mine is the *constructive* form of criticism that will be met as the writer’s influence spreads.
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These are the results of just saying you have a right to express your views… much less saying “no” or letting them fall thinking they will for a single moment realize it was their responsibility instead of blame and attack you.
I agree: Enablers/liberals all need severe attitude adjustments.
+100 Life is hard. It’s harder if you are stupid and nobody bails you out.
Entitled ? I am entitled to fair and equal treatment under the law as an American citizen . Once that truly is restored and that which was taken from me under duress my entire working life is returned then we can discuss me relinquishing things like social security and Medicare . My pension was bankrupted by a government that allowed it to underfunded and the CEO’s sauntered off with millions . Meanwhile I get taxed deeper into debt as a citizen to cover UAW pensions 100% . Entitled , doesn’t sound like equal protection under the law . Sadly as Nero Fiddles Rome burns and its time to join the hords of looters and take what you can and run . Should you stand and fight the very centurions you supported for decades of your productive years will strip you of all and slay you in the street you paid to build !
These sounded more like it was pointed towards welfare entitlements, not Social Security/Medicare recipients. After all, the majority of those Social Security/ Medicare recipients paid their money into these program through confiscated taxes. In fact, my 85-year-old mother has to pay for her Medicare every month from her Social Security. Unless Social Security/Medicare recipients receive every penny of those confiscated monies back, with high interest, I say don’t bother them.
Stephanie, you asked where are the grownups? People who work for big edu, big gov, big media are not grown ups. Even if they appear grown up on the outside most who rise to positions of power share the same traits as the children in their charge. Shallow, narcissistic, little piss ants. The saying ‘the cream rises to the top’ doesn’t apply to organizations that have no accountability to a bottom line.
The grown ups you asked about have been busy working, building business, family, and futures that enable them to stay a safe distance away from the parasites you talk about.
You sound like you might be a older millennial (27-37 ) when you say “Every young person is going to feel entitled until they have enough life experience to know better.” And “They’ll believe they deserve a job they didn’t earn” I never saw that around the friends of my kids, and I made sure my kids never had a bullshit mentality like that. I am sorry if you didn’t have that experience, but good on you for learning it now. Also I have yet to see a gen Z kid with that attitude. Maybe we just run in different circles.
I do agree with you 100+% about enablers, they are a pox on human progress. As a gen Xer I never saw enablers as I was growing up. Once I began to raise a family it seemed that enablers had spread across the country like a plague of locusts. That is why you can’t find the grown ups in your formerly esteemed institutions.
As for when this entitlement mentality ends, don’t worry it’s well on it’s way. What cannot be sustained won’t be. Eventually every well runs dry.
“I am sorry if you didn’t have that experience, but good on you for learning it now.”
Actually, quite the opposite. I wasn’t talking about myself. Not too long ago I encountered this mentality from a young person. At the time I was freelance writing about the cryptocurrency markets and monetary theory.
For some reason they thought I got lucky and landed a sweet job without working for it because they had no clue what I went through to be qualified for the job. They just saw me hanging out in my pjs, sipping coffee, reading the news all the time.
They didn’t realize I read Admin’s articles and other financial news for years before I ever submitted my writing. They didn’t see the brutality of the comment sections when I started. They didn’t know how much money I spend investing in books about writing and about finance/economics. They didn’t know how many years I spent reading about tech news and learning about the dark web/hacking/VC investments. They didn’t know how many years I worked for free submitting articles on other websites learning about SEO. They didn’t know how many websites I’ve built to learn about WordPress and Blogger.
Steph, didn’t realize you weren’t a college student, but actually already in the workforce and working hard. Hope my comments above didn’t sound condescending to you.
I, too, have written columns and news stories in the past for a major local paper and know people can be asses, especially if they vehemently disagree with you.
And as you’ve discovered, to write accurately on a subject, you must do your research, which isn’t always as easy as it sounds.
I like your writing. Hope you’ll do more articles for TBP for us to debate (or grouse about.)
By the way, I’d like to recommend the Mises Institute, LewRockwell.com and TomWoods.com (besides TBP) for economic/financial information, if you haven’t already been reading them.
Good sites\cites.
Haha. I read your comment and then resigned myself to you figuring it out once you scrolled down further. I think many on the TBP don’t realize how old I am anymore. I’m still a youngster to them despite quite a few years passing. I still forget the oldest Millennials are now in their mid-thirties and I’m not too far behind.
Hell, I had to do a double take yesterday when I realized that Admin was taking his youngest to college.
Norman Franklin, excellent comment. I agree 100%.
Great article from Steph. Great candor from Nickel.
Clammy has become the parent that the Millennials never had! Nice article Clamster!
That’s right. I blame the X’er parents of the Millennials as the biggest enablers they ever had. I saw it every day whilst I was out pouring concrete in residential neighborhoods. Very little to no discipline was evident. The little brats ruled the roost with parent caving to everything the brats wanted trying to be their “friends”. Yeah, that shit worked!
Saw this the other day and thought of you:
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Haha, I identify with that little clam. It seems so zen and peaceful.
It seems half of society is too protective of their kids and the other half doesn’t seem to care.
Sounds sort of like a recipe for the one half to prepare & consume the other half. Moral: homogenized half & half isn’t nutritious for either half.
Savage Park – A Meditation of Play, Space, & Risk for Americans who are Nervous, Distracted, & Afraid to Die
Steph, Zerohedge loves you. They picked this up with proper credit. Congrats.
Funny side note. I saw it published and was surprised that I was given credit this time. I was feeling a bit of pride in myself. Then I scrolled down and noticed it was tagged under “CRAP”. LOL
Congrats. Your best effort yet. Your observations and strategies piqued my interest to investigate further but my efforts to that end have not peaked yet. My friends and I are considering pooling our resources and then pulling in one direction together. Onward and upward. Keep the insights coming.