Alms for the Enslaved, Sir?

By Francis Marion of Canadiangunblog.com

I’ve been too busy to write lately. Other than the articles I read while I drink my morning coffee I haven’t picked up a book since the end of August either. It is what it is. So in the name of copping out and being so far behind I think I’m ahead I’m posting a little piece I wrote in the year 2000. And to answer your questions up front, yes I did send this to the PM’s office, no I didn’t get a response and yes, I’m probably on all sorts of lists but mostly for being a smart ass. My dad always said, go with your strengths. So I did.

Subsidies. I was thinking of applying for one the other day. So I asked a friend if he thought the government of Canada would consider subsidizing a libertarian author. I figured if the Liberal Party could find funds to support a dying hockey league (in Canada that is), farmers who can’t compete on a local or international market (that’s a complicated one) and an extremely substandard entertainment industry, that they might also be able to spare a few dollars for the cause of freedom.

Needless to say, my friend doesn’t think I’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell but what the hey, I figure nothing tried nothing gained, right?

Now I’m not entirely sure who to write to ask for such a thing (a subsidy that is) as the last time I looked there was no Ministry for Freedom and Capitalism (can you imagine if there was?) so I’ve decided that I should write directly to the head honcho himself, Jean Chretien.

So here it is… my open letter to the PM:

 
Dear Mr. Chretien,
 
My name is Francis Marion and I live in the remote northern community of Dawson Creek, BC. As you may or may not know by the rather lengthy CSIS and CCRA files on my name, I am an advocate of freedom as well as small, responsible government and am currently publishing a modest journal on the internet called Liberty Free Press. Our mission is to spread the concepts of freedom, individualism and capitalism to as many people as we possibly can not just in Canada but to all the previously free nations of the world.
 
As you may have already guessed, the life of a freedom fighter is not to terribly lucrative and as a result I am forced to work outside of this occupation in order to make ends meet… which brings me to the reason I am writing you.
 
It is my opinion that the country formerly known as Canada (and now commonly referred to as the Kollective Komradship of Kanada or Kanukistan) has been teetering for many years, on the edge of a very slippery slope that leads to despotism. I’m sure that I don’t need to outline for you all the warning signs surrounding this statement; God knows there are many. I’m also sure that you will agree that despotism is not a desirable state for any nation to enter into and as such it is imperative that we act quickly and deliberately to avoid such a problem.

I believe that the situation at hand may be avoided if you were to divert some of the massive amount of money that Canadians pay in taxes each year into a subsidy for writers and activists for freedom. Just think of the effect we could have on the current course of this nation if we had this kind of funding available to us! Mr. Chretien, you would be hailed as a national hero! People would shout your name from the rooftops and throw confetti wherever you went.
 
More to the point, I could quit all the other jobs I currently work at and dive into my true calling full time. You would release myself and many others like me from the bonds of responsibility and allow us to crush tyranny with the help of the taxpayer’s dollar. Besides, I suspect few people would object to myself and others using their tax money to help abolish income taxes, bring back some semblance of justice to our courts and create a freer and better quality of life for the average citizen.
 
Now Mr. Chretien, I don’t expect you to get really excited about this request straight off. In fact, before you send me an answer I’d like to suggest that you sleep on it overnight. Talk with your cronies about the idea and see what they think. If they decide they don’t want to support the cause of freedom in a supposedly free nation then I’d suggest a quick cabinet shuffle as you obviously don’t want potential criminals, communists or fascists working this close to you. On the other hand if they support the idea then maybe we’re not in as bad a shape as I thought we were, in which case I will cease to refer to the nation formerly known as Canada as Kanukistan.

I eagerly await you reply.

Best Regards,
Francis Marion, BA
Editor, Liberty Free Press

17 years later and still nothing. I’m starting to think I’m being ignored.

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IndenturedServant

Yeah, that a bit of an uphill climb there FM. Considering that at their core, governments only exist to exert control, freedom and liberty are the last things on their agenda unless it involves removing excess freedom and liberty.

kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product

Hey Fran, maybe it was plunging the knife in a few times that eliminated a fruitful response. Funny though, it is the type of letter I would write to a politician that is ruining the country.

overthecliff
overthecliff

Hell, go for it FM. As you stated you are on the Canadian equivalent of FEMA Camp list already.

Uncola

A+ & Triple E’s for Excellent & Enjoyable Effort.

It’s difficult to say which more benefits the world: the zeal of youthful alacrity, or the strategic wisdom of age in choosing one’s battles. Perhaps both deserve their time in the sun.

Oldtoad of Green Acres
Oldtoad of Green Acres

I think you should invoke the spirit of Red Green to get a govinmint check.
Quando Omni Flunkus, Moritati. When all else fails, play dead.
Pull up those Red Green suspenders and spread that letter around, make it personal, To Whom It May Concern….

IndenturedServant

I loved the Red Green show. The Man’s Prayer always made me laugh:

I’m a man
but I can change
if I really have to
I guess.

nkit
nkit

I have decent editorial skills, FM..For free, you Kanoodlestani…nice write…

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