Ms Freud, Gestapo, and Stucky Going All Cuckoo’s Nest In The Hospital

On Tuesday I spent four hours at my parent’s place doing housework and running errands. While I was gone, shit hit the fan.

Ms Freud, a breast cancer survivor, has issues with high blood pressure. It comes, and it goes. On Tuesday, her nose just started bleeding spontaneously.  A while later she got dizzy.  Then she could hardly stand.

So, she called 9-1-1. No one came … or they didn’t come quick enough … or the dispatch operator determined Ms Freud’s issue wasn’t serious enough.  I don’t know the actual story. But Ms Freud started to panic. She couldn’t get a hold of me, or her worthless son. So, she made several 9-1-1 calls.

I arrived to the house only to see two ambulances and three cop cars out front. Panicking, I run into the house as fast as I can. There’s Ms Freud, standing. That’s a relief. I ask, to no one in particular, “What the hell is going on??”

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Ms Freud tells me about the nosebleed, the panic, …. and that she feels PERFECTLY FINE now.

One of the cops says “The EMT is going to take her to the hospital.”

“What the heck for?”, I ask.

“Anyone who makes excessive 9-1-1 calls is deemed unstable. She’s going in for her own protection.”

I remain calm, but firm. “She doesn’t need some damned hospital for protection. She has me, she feels fine, and I don’t want you to take her anywhere.”

Another cop says with equal firmness, and with his hand on his gun (not bullshitting, folks); “It’s out of your hands. She is going in. You can go along, or sit down and keep your mouth shut!”.  Aggressive fucken nigger probably didn’t like white people.  Fine, I don’t like nigger copfuks.  I said nothing further to the nigkop, and told Ms Freud I’ll meet her at the hospital.

SIDEBAR DIGRESSION:  You regulars know I rent a good sized apartment in a 15,000 square foot, 135 year old mansion. Well, the landlord is here this week.  They come up every three weeks from Virginia. She has rules, many rules.  One hard and fast rule, which could get me evicted on the first violation, is; no shoes in the house!  She’s also very very German, her accent every bit as thick as my mom’s.  So, she knocks on our apartment door.  First think she sees, of course, are five EMT people and four cops. Within two seconds she tells them, loudly “I don’t allow shoes in my house. TAKE THEM OFF, NOW!”. Two minutes of arguments followed. Pissed and shocked as I was, I had to almost literally had to bite my tongues to keep from laughing out loud.  She grew up in Commie East Germany. She hates cops. Anyway, the copfuks told her to leave the apartment. But, she got in one last zinger.  As she’s walking out the door, she turns around and says in her thick German accent; “Why are there four cops here? This is a job for just one person. Oh, I know, because you are all stupid people.”  Folks, I’m not making this shit up.

At the hospital emergency room.

It’s almost one hour until a doctor comes. Black man, Caribbean accent.  Ms Freud (and I) explain the nose bleed, the blood pressure issue, and that she suffered a mere temporary panic attack. We’re thinking she’ll get a quick BP check, take her temperature, etc. and we’ll be out of there. Oh, nooooo, that ain’t happening.

He says that “in order to release you” the following needs to happen; blood work, EKG, and an X-ray. And if all those check out, she’ll be free to go.  WTF???

I ask him about this “release” thingy.  I said nobody needs to be “released”, that we’re not dogs, and that I have a good mind to just walk out right then and there. He just gave me a smile .. the kind that’s not really a smile at all, but a warning. Calmly he informs me that since she here by police order, that if we walk out without his approval/release, that the nurse will call the Plainfield Police, and that the police will now arrest Ms Freud, charge her with some crime, throw her in jail for at least the night, but before doing so they’ll bring her back to the hospital anyway, except this time she’ll be handcuffed to a bed.

A recognize a good argument when I hear one. So, we stayed.

Eventually the blood guy came.  Much later the X-ray guy. And then the EKG nurse.  All their machines are small and portable which they haul right to the bed. The blood analysis is done on site, and in under an hour.  Well, all of this took about 6 hours.  Ms Freud and I were patient the entire time, and very cooperative. The main nurse was actually nice and friendly, as were the technicians.

We were there so long, we went through a shift change.  New nurse in “charge” of us. A Nurse Ratchet Cunt (NRC). She says they’d also like to do a Urine Test.  Huh?  That wasn’t part of the deal the doc told us.  “No thanks.”, I say.  NRC says, “I wasn’t asking permission.”.  Well, I already know about the whole jail/arrest thingy so, I just mutter, “whatever”.  It takes about another hour for the piss test to be done.

All this time Ms Freud is in the ER area (not the reception area) hallway, along with dozens of other patients.  All of a sudden an orderly comes along, and wheels Ms Freud into a room further down the hallway.  He doesn’t know how we lucked out getting a private room. I would have to ask the nurse, Frau NRC.  This is roughly the conversation that followed. It lasted between 5-8 minutes.  Condensed obviously, but key phrases, thoughts, and even wording are accurate.

Stucky:  “Just curious.  Why did Ms Freud get her own room?”

NRC: “We’re keeping her overnight for observation.”

S:  “Are you SERIOUS?  On what basis??!”  (from here on out I’m kinda talking loudly.  By the end, I’m kinda shouting.)

NRC: “Your wife is unstable.”

S: “A panic attack means a person is unstable?  You can keep a person here against their will because of a panic attack??!”

NRC:  “No. It’s the phone calls.  Anyone who makes multiple 9-1-1 calls is obviously ill. She needs to be watched.”

S:  “Well, Ok, but she’s with me now. All your tests show that she is fine. I’ll make sure she doesn’t make any more phone calls.  I’ll take full responsibility.”

NRC:  “You have no say in the matter. When dealing with a mentally unstable person we have the final say as to when she leaves or stays.  Not the spouses. Not even parents.”

S: “Has she broken any laws??!!!  IS SHE UNDER ARREST!!!”

NRC:  “As far as I know, she’s not under arrest.  But, she was brought here … “

Before she could finish her sentence I interrupted her.  At this point, I’m kinda shouting, hence the caps.

“YEAH YEAH I KNOW ALL ABOUT THE JAIL BULLSHIT.  HERE’S SOMETHING ELSE I’M FAIRLY SURE OF. THE ONLY LEGAL REASONS YOU CAN HOLD A PERSON AGAINST THEIR WILL IS IF THEY ARE EITHER A DANGER TO THEMSELVES OR TOO OTHERS!  NO ONE HERE HAS MADE THAT DETERMINATION. IN FACT THAT CARIBBEAN (I almost said “nigger”, really) DOCTOR NEVER EVEN ASKED ONE SINGLE QUESTION REGARDING HER MOTIVES OR IF SHE WANTED TO HURT HERSELF OR GOD FORBID OTHER PEOPLE. I’M PRETTY SURE I KNOW WHATS GOING ON HERE!!! YOU JUST WANT TO BILL US LOTS OF MONEY. OK FINE WE’LL STAY BUT I CAN TELL YOU THIS, TOMORROW MORNING I WILL CALL OUR LAWYER AND I WILL SUE THIS FUCKING PLACE FROM HERE TO KINGDOM COME!! AND DON’T THINK FOR A SECOND I’M BULLSHITTING AROUND!!!”

In less than five minutes, Doctor Caribbean is in the room.  He hands us the test results. Has Ms Freud sign the release form. He signs it. Says “Good Luck”. And walks out the door. As we are leaving, I pass by NRCs desk. She doesn’t look up right away. I wait until she does look up. And then I give her a smile … a smile that really isn’t a smile … and mouth the words “Fuck You!”.

America. What a country!

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Author: Stucky

I'm right, you're wrong. Deal with it. View all posts by Stucky