Nation Longs For More Civilized Age When Politicians Settled Disputes With Pistols

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—Upon looking at the bleak, uncivilized nature of our political discourse, millions of people across the nation announced Thursday they are feeling nostalgic for a more refined time when politicians just shot each other with pistols to resolve their differences.

The nation dreamily looked back at the time before all these brutish tactics invaded our politics, and politicians just shot one another in broad daylight like civilized human beings.

“Frankly, it’d beat all the protesting and swarming people in restaurants,” said one man in Iowa. “Just one simple, civilized duel, a couple o’ bullets flying through the air, and you’re done.”

“Blam, blam, and you call it a day,” he added.

At publishing time, a grassroots movement had called for a towering Thunderdome to be built in Washington, D.C., to return some semblance of civility to our national discourse.

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15 Comments
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
October 20, 2018 2:47 pm

Whenever I see fights break out in foreign parliaments, I long for that to happen in our House or Senate. These ass clowns hate each other, but take out their aggression and hatred on the American populace instead. Indeed, bring back dueling and maybe even pay-per-view cage matches to the death.

Anonymous
Anonymous
October 20, 2018 3:39 pm

If the public demanded to know the hundreds of lies trump has told,he would eat a lead sandwich.

splurge
splurge
  Anonymous
October 20, 2018 5:00 pm

Nah,just wishful thinking . After all no one shot obama, it is sad

Harrington Richardson
Harrington Richardson
  Anonymous
October 20, 2018 6:24 pm

A caning for you is in order.

pyrrhus
pyrrhus
October 20, 2018 3:55 pm

Getting rid of dueling was definitely a huge mistake…#BringBackDueling!

Harrington Richardson
Harrington Richardson
  pyrrhus
October 20, 2018 6:26 pm

Perhaps I can compromise. Jackson shot some and caned others. He must have been one of those “Nuanced” pols.

Anonymous
Anonymous
October 20, 2018 5:18 pm

uhm, i actually think this is how the politicians should solve any conflict/dispute if there was a way to ensure both died;)

Harrington Richardson
Harrington Richardson
October 20, 2018 6:23 pm

A thunder dome is a great idea for dealing with the flatulent talk in DC. I oppose the shooting each other concept. Aye, a good caning should suffice for most! Daily!

Llpoh
Llpoh
October 20, 2018 6:41 pm

The hypothetical of Clinton v Trump at ten paces would be a non-event. Trump would win easily. Second most likely outcome would be dumb bitch blows her own head off by accident. Same goes re Hiawatha, any of the CA crowd, the socialists, etc.

Yup, sounds like a good system.

Overthecliff
Overthecliff
October 20, 2018 9:20 pm

If it kills politicians ,it can’t be al bad.

False Flag a Hundred years old
False Flag a Hundred years old
October 20, 2018 10:39 pm
MadMike
MadMike
October 21, 2018 1:18 am

Works for me, and that’s no joke.

An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, Beyond This Horizon

diverdown
diverdown
  MadMike
October 21, 2018 6:58 am

Quite right, MM.

Which explains why almost everyone who visits our area
comments on how polite Southerners are.

Not just because we’re raised that way.

But also because we’re one of the most heavily
individually-armed regions of the country.

Most of the protests, violence, riots, Antifa nonsense and
so forth almost always seen to occur in the deep-blue
liberal shitholes that Democrats have been running
for years.

Unfortunately for us, however, is that most of the escapees
from these places seem to bring the BS that caused these
problems in the first place with them.

Just like the turd-world invaders do.

22winmag - Unreconstructedsouthernerbygraceofgod
22winmag - Unreconstructedsouthernerbygraceofgod
  diverdown
October 21, 2018 9:05 am

Antifa won’t be selling their wares in places patrolled by the good-‘ole boys.

MadMike
MadMike

22winmag and diverdown- What pisses me off are the sheeple who tire of their overtaxed over regulated socialist paradise, then escape it and vote to make their new home just like the shithole they left. It drove me out of my home state of NV into another western state, and a rural county with less than 150 people in the zip code.