Guest Post by Darius Foroux
One of the biggest mistakes we make is that we assume we always learn from our mistakes. I’ve met enough people who learned little from their own stupidity.
We all know these people. In fact, we probably are these people. You know why? It’s damned hard to learn from your mistakes. I’ve never met someone who actually enjoyed failing.
Let’s be honest, no one likes to make mistakes, and lose their time, energy, or money. So that’s why we need to make an effort to learn from the things that we wish we didn’t do. The father of functional philosophy and pragmatist philosophy, John Dewey, made that point obvious:
“The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes.”
Learning from your mistakes does not happen automatically—it requires thinking and reflection. So here’s my reflection on the lessons I learned from the mistakes I made in my twenties. Here we go.
1. Don’t Think You Know Everything
There’s a word for people who think they know everything: Idiot. I meet idiots all the time. And the reason I recognize them is because I used to be one.
Every time you don’t listen to people smarter than you, when you want to sound smart, or think you know it all—you’re being an idiot. It’s time to move your ego to the side and understand that life is not about impressing others.
It’s about fulfillment, collaboration, and the common good. If you want to achieve those things, you need to be humble. But there’s good news for people who get annoyed by idiots: If they don’t decide to become humble, life will make them humble at some point.
2. Never Blame People For Your Unhappiness
As a child, you’re taken care of by others. That may be your parents, siblings, family members, foster parents, or any other person who takes responsibility. Hence, you assume that someone is responsible for you.
But that’s not true. When you grow up, you are responsible for you. So never look at others when you’re unhappy—it’s not fair to the people in your life. Instead, accept your unhappiness, and then do something about it.
3. Stop Wasting Time On Losers
There’s a big chance the people in your environment don’t strive for the same things as you. At some point in my twenties, I was surrounded by people who dropped out of college, were doing drugs, and went out every week.
But it doesn’t have to be that obvious. Many people live a timid life. People who don’t want anything from life and who spend their time watching tv.
Don’t give your time to those people. The cost is high. You might become one of them.
4. Love Is Not What You Think
Most of us have this twisted idea about life. “I want her to treat me this and this way.” Who are you to claim such a thing? And if the other doesn’t live up to our expectations, we flip out or leave.
That’s called conditional love. Strive for the opposite. I’m still learning this. It’s difficult to let go of your expectations about love. But you have to. Otherwise, you’ll never be happy in your relationship.
5. You Actually Don’t Have A Lot Of Time
When you’re young, you think you have an endless sea of time. You can do anything you want. And then you blink, and you’re celebrating your thirtieth birthday.
It’s a matter of simple math. Just ask yourself these questions:
- How much time am I wasting on things that give me zero fulfillment?
- Do I like my job?
- Do I like the people in my life?
The answers to these questions will give you clarity about how well you’re spending your time.
6. You’re Probably Not As Awesome As You Think
There’s always someone better looking, cooler, smarter, stronger, or you name it, than you. Always.
So stop thinking you’re awesome. Compared to what? Because that statement implies you’re comparing yourself to others. Just be yourself and don’t compare yourself to others.
7. Learning Never Stops
Look, when you stop learning and developing yourself; you’re dead. I’m not kidding. When I got out of college, I stopped learning. Guess what? I felt stuck after two years.
Push yourself to learn something every day. If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse.
8. Doing Hard Things Gives You More Pleasure
I always ran away from hard things. Improving yourself, working out, saving money, building a business, helping others, investing time in your relationship—it’s all hard when you do it right.
But doing those hard things will have more return on your life, time, energy, and money. When you do something that requires a lot of effort, you feel good about it. When you’re tired and still go to the gym for a hard work out, you feel a sense of accomplishment and pride that’s unrivaled.
It’s the same with your career. If you’re not doing hard things, don’t be surprised if you don’t feel alive.
9. Being Alone Will Make You More At Peace
It’s a dangerous sign if you can never be alone. I come from a very tightknit family, and I always have had close friends. But I realized that I needed to be alone to grow. So I went on abroad trips by myself.
But that wasn’t enough. I decided to move to London. When you’re alone, you have time to know who you are. When you’re always with others, you’re just a product of the other people in your life. Sometimes you need to distance yourself from others, it will make you a better person.
10. Small Decisions Lead To Big Outcomes
Another drink wouldn’t hurt, right? Sleeping in today is not bad, right? No one cares if I skip my workout today, right? I can easily spend $1500 on a new iPhone, right?
The answer is no, no, no, no, and NO to every other small decision you think has no impact on your life. The truth is that your life is the result of your small decisions.
You are what you do every day. Surprisingly, that’s actually really good news.
That means you can turn your life around today—simply by doing something small that has a good impact on your life.
And what if you keep making mistakes? Who gives a shit!? Just make sure you always learn from it.
…and just so you don’t forget a mistake made 35 years ago, the courts step in and declares that must still pay for it out of your paycheck to support her feminism …….
It would not be wise of me to lump all women into one category,but the majority of today’s women seem to be unhappy. Most are not sure why they are unhappy,but they just think they are. Liberalism has taught them that they can just walk away,and that they can do better. When they fail,and have made a mistake.Hey!!!we can just blame men for our bad choices. The only winners then are those that have the agenda to destroy what used to be normal relationships. I really don’t care what the Liberal mainstream thinks about my beliefs. So here go’s…. There was once a time when women had a role in a well functioning society,and they were dam good at it.
False guilt – a man is made aware of an unhappy woman, and automatically assumes it is his fault.
It’s hard to be happy when you’re neurotic.
Some of us women who embrace the role of helpmeet are delighted to report it is still a damn fine way to live, especially to a man who really meant “better or worse, in sickness and in health…”
Women are unhappy because they are taught from day one that they are victims of males. They are taught that the biological imperative for nest building and mothering is irrelevant because career achievement is more satisfying. The Kardashians and other shallow celebrities are their role models. They are taught that they can never look pretty enough or dress well enough or be sexy enough to entice a male, who at the same time is unquestionably a mysoginist.
Can’t believe this doesn’t have more thumbs up.
A lot of today’s women will trade you up in a heartbeat in the right scenario. It’s all about money and power. Lucky I found a great one 16 years ago.
Now, how do you get someone to read and care about this advice? It’s spot on good advice.
An old man I knew thirty-five years ago told me, when I was in my early thirties, that “most people go cradle to grave, and don’t learn a thing.” Now, I watch people my age, and they are still making stupid moves that will impact their lives severely, when by now you would think they know better. Nope. IMHO, Number 10 is your keenest insight. Your life path is determined by thousands of little decisions, every day ones that pass almost without notice. But they can effect your life just as surely as the occasional big ones. No. 3 is a close second. None of my friends are perfect, but all of them have some virtue I wish to emulate. This was not always the case, and I suffered for it.
Good luck with your journey.
I skipped work on Saturday and took my son to lunch and then to the range where we made a big pile of brass. It was the right decision. The shop is still there (I presume) and he’s one day closer to leaving for university. If you work for yourself and work a lot sometimes it’s more important to know when to stop. You don’t get that time back.
No one lay on their deathbed and remembers their best day at work. The regrets are always over what they didn’t do.
https://www.thedailypositive.com/top-10-regrets-dying/
Time is love, when spent wisely.
Good choice, FM.
Song of the same, by Josh, Gracin, if not mistaken, is a great country tune.
profound truth and wisdom.
“…Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others…” — Otto von Bismarck (1815 – 1898)
It certainly seems easier…
Probably important to do both.
I always preferred..
Intelligence is learning from one’s mistakes, Wisdom is learning from other’s mistakes.
As long as you learn you are no fool– one is just a bit more painful.
Surely setting realistic goals, and working a little bit to achieve them every day to make your life what you want it to be must be on the list, or it never will be.
A slightly different idea is to know oneself. In this case, I refer to ones personality. In a very real sense all we know is how intelligent we are, and ones personality is like the tip of the iceberg where the unconscious lies beneath. OK,OK, you can add in values, beliefs, politics, religion, memory can also define who you are. Something like 98% of body function is autonomic, we have no control, it just happens. You may fancy abstract thought, logic, skill and experience are under your control, but I assure you personality is not. It is YOU from an early age, may change a little over time, but is hard wired in to some extent. Do you have a flash temper when things don’t go your way? Do you like spending time with yourself or others? Do you like control? Do you like to disagree if you disagree? Do you fancy ideas, complex models, beauty, music and art in a way that moves your soul? Do you procrastinate? Do you waste time? Having the answers to these and obviously the many, many aspects of personality may not free you from overdoing it in a given situation, but in retrospect you will understand why you did what you did and learn from it slowly.
There was an embedded link within point # 3. in Darius’ post.
Great advice.
I’ll save you some time, and re-post it here.
I need to heed it more myself.
It’s essentially an explanation of how to escape being upset because of the choice to let other’s negative vibes affect us.
To wit, avoid them at all costs.
“If thy right hand scandalize thee, cut it off, for it is better to enter the kingdom of heaven maimed, than to descend into purgatory whole”… or something to that effect.
i.e., cut out from you life that which you believe you need, (you don’t) which inhibits you reaching greatness