Trump Awards Self The Presidential Medal Of Not Committing Crimes

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON D.C.—After the release of the Mueller Report, which stated there was no evidence that President Donald Trump had committed a crime, Trump held an awards ceremony in which he gave away what he described as “the most prestigious award ever in all history”— the Presidential Medal of Not Committing Crimes. The recipient: himself.

“I am honored to give this award to me,” Trump told the press and the one non-press member in attendance, Vice President Mike Pence, whom Trump stared at every so often to get him to clap. “This is only given to someone who, after a long and exhaustive investigation, was found to have not committed crimes and to be the most honest and law-abiding person ever.”

Trump then went on to note that he is the only president to ever receive the award. “Does that mean all the other presidents colluded with Russia?” Trump asked. “Well, you can’t know for sure. The only one you know for certain didn’t is me, as the others have never been investigated.”

The ceremony ended with Trump getting Pence to edit Trump’s Wikipedia page so that his winning the medal is mentioned in the opening paragraph. He then had Pence edit Russia’s page so the opening paragraph states that it is a country that Trump did not collude with.

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Iska Waran
Iska Waran

He should do it.

455Kc
455Kc

Do it and send autographed glossyies to nancy and chuckie-and don’t forget adam.

bob
bob

TOTALLY deserves it! I don’t think he’s thermite-imploded even one financial building with a CGI plane crashing into it and a middle eastern terrorist’s passport falling to the ground untouched to leave a false trail to obfuscate the theft of billions/trillions of dollars. No coke smuggling on Tyson poultry trucks. No human trafficking, or ritual killings. He’s practically a saint compared to our last several prezzies. What a guy!

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