U.S.—The nation’s millennials (and many Gen Zers) thought they were finally satisfied, having consumed millions of dollars’ worth of tide pods, and having snorted a “literal ton” of condoms. For a short while, they felt they were finally content in their need to seek wild thrills by performing potentially fatal activities.
But the gaping void in millennials’ souls remained, and their desire to engage in more and more destructive behavior grew once again. They’ve reportedly turned to a new “wacky challenge” in their constant thrill-seeking adventures: charging a fortified military base.
“This should be a hoot,” said Kyle Benson, 33. “Munching on toxic laundry detergent gave me such a high at first, but soon I got used to it, and life became mundane again. So when I heard about this fun challenge to run onto a military base guarded by the Air Force, dozens of snipers, landmines, and powerful ordnance, I immediately knew this was the event for me.”
Benson and his buddies are planning on traveling out to Nevada for the memorable occasion. “We were gonna do Burning Man or Coachella this year, but that’s old hat. It’s time to run headlong onto a secret military installation. They can’t stop all of us, you know.” It was then pointed out to Benson that the military can, indeed, stop all of them. But he just shrugged. “That’s just your truth.”
At publishing time, the nation said it was in “full support” of wacky millennials and Gen Zers charging into the line of fire of the U.S. military.
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One can only hope.
Hey, if a whole lot of millennials can successfully storm Area 51 and find out what is REALLY going on there for the rest of us….I say go for it and good luck. While there may be a lot of pledges from folks to carry out this assault, the bottom line is that the government is keeping a lot of things very secret on that base, and they are not afraid to murder however many they need, to keep the secrets safe. Dozens if not hundreds have already been eliminated over this base and its secrets. Governments STEAL, LIE, and MURDER. If confronted by a large group of folks wishing to find out what the government has been lying about, and stealing to pay for, they will happily murder.
It would be nice but I cant believe the military would actually shoot a bunch of thsese a**holes. I’d love to be proven wrong though.
A couple of flashbangs and they will scatter into the wind.
Yeah, I expect they’ll be able to try out some of their non-lethal toys in the ‘real-ish’ world.
The predator drones practice one range over. Maybe they won’t shoot these people, just mace them all and haul them off to prison. It’s not a place to mess around with.
You are damn right!!
Tiny-hat News Faggots: “Well, shit, this Epstein-Mossad blackmail scandal involving most American politicians just won’t go away.”
Hebrew-Chan: “Hey, guyz, lets invade Area 51 and shit.”
Wandering in the Nevada desert this time of year is probably not the best idea…..
NO. That is for sure a very bad idea. Nobody is going to have to shoot anybody. They may have to pick them up in trucks and give them bottles of water though.
Yeah twinks, go ahead and show our military just what social justice WARRIORS, you badassses really are. LOL
The military will shoot you dead. Trust me from an ex military veteran!!
They won’t give the guards bullets.
September 21 will be the day remembered as the day the average IQ in America went up 20 points after all the millennials were removed from existence the day before.
Amen Chuck!!!
I’m pretty sure a mess of highly trained and overpaid mercs armed with M4’s and MP5’s could in fact stop all of them fat, lazy, stupid bastards.
Just no accounting for abject stupidity.
Very funny.
Millennials run the base and everything shits itself without GPS and smart weaponry.
The USA military will be ground down or it will be STOOD DOWN.
Breaking news:
The expected figure is now down from 1 million to 15 as the rest have all been grounded by their parents.
They will use high tech weapons like intense sound waves to drive them back. There will be plenty of SJW’s with chronic hearing problems after. That’s ok, they don’t listen anyway.
Forget area 51. Just WHAT is going on at area 1 through 50?
Snowflakes in the desert will not fare well. Fare well, snowflakes.
The military can stop this group with very little effort. Crowd dispersal agents are very effective and can be deployed in a variety of ways. Concertina wire is very low tech, but very effective. loud noise and water canons could be employed. a few trenches would slow things down tremendously. The secure portion of the facility is already hardened against attacks. This would be more of an inconvenience than a real threat to the facility.
Keep them busy chasing Aliens around the desert.
Millennials-the most WORTHLESS generation America ever produced!!!
I saw in the last week pics taken by amateur observers of the new NASA space plane, similar in design to the shuttle. Why can’t we be told about this? If they hide this from us why would anyone believe they tell the truth about anything?