CDC: People With Dirt On Clintons Have 843% Greater Risk Of Suicide

Via The Babylon Bee

ATLANTA, GA – According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control released on Thursday, people with inside, compromising knowledge of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s financial and political dealings are 843% more likely to commit suicide.

“We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude,” a CDC spokesperson told reporters. “Interestingly, in spite of their increased suicide risk, people with dirt on the Clintons rarely show any warning signs of suicide, and they never leave a suicide note.”

Remarking about how abnormal it is, the spokesman again stressed the significance of the data.

“Therefore, we advise any American with detrimental information about Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, or the Clinton Foundation to forget about it as quickly as possible to avoid a greatly increased probability of taking your own life,” he cautioned.

“And—I swear—that’s all we know.”

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5 Comments
bob
bob
August 10, 2019 10:48 am

To wit…

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
August 10, 2019 10:54 am

Just because Bill Clinton rode the Lolita Express 27 times and Hillary is an alcoholic, former coke fiend lesbian and probable lesbian pedophile doesn’t mean they were behind Epstein’s blackmail operation. Sure they were entwined in it and benefited from Epstein’s donation to the Clinton Foundation, but they weren’t the masterminds. Epstein didn’t get his millions from financial planning and didn’t get his millions from the Clintons. When Alexander Acosta let him off easy in Miami it was because he’d been told “hands off, he’s ‘intelligence’ “. That means CIA or Mossad or both (if there’s even a difference).

Making this about drunken hag Hillary or her molester husband takes the spotlight away from the bigger criminals. Replacing Hillary’s photo with Netanyahu’s would be a good start.

BB
BB
  Iska Waran
August 10, 2019 11:41 am

Exactly , the Clintons are evil but not the main players in this sex with under age white girls blackmailing operation set up by one of the Isrealis intelligence agencies. Blackmail is the major way these intelligence agencies entrap political figures . Sex with not just under age girls but with boys in various Satanic rituals. This is the big one in Europe.

Anonymous
Anonymous
August 10, 2019 1:34 pm

Better make that 844. Opps, guess I got that mixed up with body count.

SweetOlBob
SweetOlBob
August 10, 2019 9:16 pm

Aaaaaand, those percentages may go even higher if we can find the gun they used !