NUUK, GREENLAND—There have been rumors that President Trump was considering buying Greenland, and Trump has now confirmed those rumors, revealing that he sees it as a great moneymaking opportunity if the U.S. purchases the world’s largest island, fixes it up, and then sells it at a much higher price.
“Look at it; it’s prime real estate,” Trump told the press. “It’s on the very desirable Upper West Side — you know, of the Prime Meridian — and if we just modernize it a bit, that’s going to be some valuable property. And I’m going to split the profits from selling it with the American people, 60/40.”
Trump says his first plan will be to get rid of the giant glacier in the middle of Greenland. “That used to be popular, but it’s out of style now,” he explained. He plans to replace it all with “ultra-fancy” hardwood floors. In addition, he plans to maybe put up some shiplap, add an island, and upgrade the bathrooms. He’s looking at opening it up into more of an “open concept” feel with some farmhouse sinks for a more rustic feel. The president has reportedly hired Chip and Joanna Gaines to help with the upgrades. They previously worked with him to put some shiplap up on the southern border wall.
Democrats, however, are opposed, as they are usually against all of Trump’s awesome schemes, like his tax cuts and his Robot Force — a fighting force made entirely of robots. “I don’t know if I trust the market to not collapse soon,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said. “Plus, with the sheer volume of hardwood floors he’s talking, we’d basically have to deforest all of Brazil.”
Trump is undaunted, though, and was last seen at his local credit union applying for a loan pre-approval so he’ll be ready to buy Greenland from “Norway or Finland or whatever.”
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I think the President saw King FLING’S essay on GW. He is indeed a brilliant strategist. Greenland will be Paradise in a thousand years or so.
Following GW it will be North Miami Beach.
While the absurdity and arrogance of even proposing to purchase Greenland is par for the course for a real estate developer, there is a far bigger, far more revealing element to this story.
In response to Trump’s suggestion, the foreign affairs spokesman for the Danish People’s Part said:
“The thought of Denmark selling 50,000 citizens to the United States is completely ridiculous.”
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.
ALL GOVERNMENTS REGARD US AS THEIR POSSESSIONS, THEIR PROPERTY, THEIR SLAVES (and that obviously includes all of our property as well).
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain pulling the strings. Now get back to work. Massa’ needs more money in his bank account.
You just don’t get Trump.
This writer seems to understand very well the Greenland story:
https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2019/08/greenland_the_new_us_alaska.html
Oh, I think I do.
I would be willing to bet that if he did start this snowball rolling down the hill the reason was to have the classless clowns in the media focus on it and not on what he is doing behind the curtain…….Just sayin……
He is usually two or three steps ahead and usually for a great reason……..
The Babylon Bee has already surpassed what The Onion ever was!
Trump needs to add some NYC mafia to his State Department. They would know to start with an easier ‘acquisition’ target. Something like Baja California. We would simply just reinterpret the terms of surrender, signed by Spain, to include the entire peninsula (for free!!). It has much preferable shoreline, plus the maids, gardeners, and fisherman are already there ready to serve us as we expand our empire. Not so much with Greenland at present.
After the Baja ‘acquisition’, Greenland will then see that Trump is making them an offer they can’t refuse. And with much better terms for the good ol’ U.S. of A.
This is funny as hell and still probably a great idea. Got my vote for making it the 51st state.
The shiplap thing is a bit cliche. Otherwise I think he’s in good stead.