WORLD—Airports around the world are reporting record revenues after introducing a long-awaited feature: the ability to turn off CNN on television sets in their terminals.
For just one quarter, you can turn off CNN for a full fifteen minutes while you’re waiting for your flight, leaving you with the “far superior” experience of just staring at a blank screen.
“At long last,” said one man waiting for his flight at LaGuardia as he dropped a few dollars’ worth of quarters into the “Turn CNN Off” slot. “Honestly, I might fly more now.” He’s not alone: airports expect a 426% uptick in traveling over the holidays as flyers no longer have to worry about having the droning words of CNN hosts pounded into their heads for hours on a layover.
The feature has been one of the most-requested by travelers along with the dismantling of the TSA and pretzel bags with more than 3 pretzels in them.
The money-making move has inspired moments of human compassion and unity as travelers lend each other money or leave quarters behind atop the television sets for future travelers to turn off CNN. One anonymous philanthropist at DFW prepaid for over a year of CNN-less travel throughout the terminal.
“It’s great to see what humanity can accomplish when we unite,” said one man at LAX as he rummaged through his pockets to lend a quarter to a woman who wanted to turn off the CNN screen near her. “Here you go, miss. Enjoy your flight!”
CNN is protesting the move, saying it has cut their viewing audience in half, leaving them with just one.
A similar program is being rolled out in hospital waiting rooms throughout the country.
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Somewhat like paying farmers not to grow crops! LOL
Although I’ll take farmers over CNN any day!
CNN, The Garbage Fredo Network, should be shut down in the interest of public safety. The LIES are just too damaging.
CNN so bad that viewers will pay not to have to watch it.
Why don’t the morons who run the airport just turn to another channel or turn the damn TV off and leave it off?
Kickbacks. You don’t think they chose CNN on their own did you? And its a cable channel that you can only get with the permission of CNN (in their own way). There is a lucrative contract that nets the airports money for airing the channel. CNN can claim even more viewership when shilling for advertising dollars for their shows, etc.
A recent press release from ISIS claims that the use of CNN on bound captives reduces confession time by 70%.
They used to use Yellen Fed speeches, but then she was replaced.
Paying up to not listen to CNN may very well be the greatest idea since sliced bread. I knew they were on the brink but this may the last straw.