WASHINGTON, D.C.—A turkey recently pardoned by President Trump was found dead after claiming to have dirt on the Clintons, sources at the FBI confirmed today.
The official cause of death was suicide, though the bullet wounds were in the back of the turkey’s head and the bird lacked opposable thumbs with which to operate a firearm.
The turkey had been publicly pardoned for the crime of being delicious and set free by Trump in a popular White House Thanksgiving tradition. Shortly after being released, the turkey confirmed its possession of “credible” information that would lead to the indictment of Hillary Clinton, posting on the bird’s social media account that it was a good thing Trump had pardoned the turkey, so the world could find the truth out about the Clintons.
Metro police discovered the turkey’s body later, shot twice in the back of the head and stabbed in the back. There was a nearby handwritten note confirming that the death was “not fowl play.”
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Ghislaine Maxwell denied ever meeting the sweaty butterball despite what she called ‘doctored’ photographs showing her in front of a golden thanksgiving turkey.
There was a nearby handwritten note confirming that the death was “not fowl play.”
Simply brilliant piece and it reminded me to do my daily web search for Arkancide.
Two shots to the back of the head, and found in a DC park no doubt. Classic Hillary move.
No doubt
hILLARIOUSLY FOWL!
Pardon me, but I am stuffed up to here by this fowl news, unable to gobble my dinner, without a wing or a prayer, with no turkey leg to stand on. Carved in the back by this fowl knife, at least the bullets to the head would not ruin the dark meat. Heard the bird was rushed to the oven while still alive but the plug was pulled and the bird was finally cooked. Oh fowl deeds are upon us this fine day….reports of the turkey trying to fly out of town were shot down by the press.
Tom lacked the necessary appendages to shoot himself in the back of the head.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE!
https://www.diamondandsilk.com/blog/2019/11/16/cair-sets-goal-to-send-30-people-to-congress-and-become-dominant/
Please stop calling it leftist or progressive. Those terms have lost any old meaning and are merely trigger words used to incite an emotional response. Let’s just call it the gay agenda. Why use a soft focus lens with Vaseline like it was a Club magazine? Calling it leftist allows the queers to hide among the non-white crowd and the cat ladies. It makes more sense to focus on the homosexual crowd just like they did on the hippies to expose the flower power conspiracy. Eventually, the Democrat party will fall apart but for now, the manufactured common enemy called the white man works to keep the idiots in line.
Today is the day we pay homage to that barbarous relic, the golden turkey. In time, we shall adopt crypto turkeys to replace this uneconomical system of transporting turkeys and people to different cities for worship services of the gilded goose.
I’m reminded often of the Little Rascals episode where they meet a starving black man camping inside an abandoned house. He invites them to share in his thanksgiving dinner asking if they want toikey. He cuts and serves invisible imaginary slices to each kid.