FRIDAY FAIL

retelling, as written by Mr. Russ Mason, in a recent edition of an outdoor news magazine.
Didn’t see any warning about copyright permissions, so I’m taking the pains to retype it here.

Kick back, with your favorite beverage, for a modestly longer entertaining read.

In a very interesting article titled “The Truth About Garter Snakes”,
he closes with this supposedly true story from the internet.

A couple in Texas had a lot of potted plants outside. During a recent cold spell, the wife brought them indoors. A little green grass snake was hiding in one of the plants. After getting inside and all warmed up, it slithered out and when the wife saw it go under the sofa, she screamed.

The husband, who was taking a shower, ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was.
She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time, the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind.
He thought the snake had bitten him, so he fell over on the floor screaming.

His wife thought he’d had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an EMS.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on a stretcher, and started
carrying him out. About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa, and the emergency medical
technician saw it, and dropped his end of the stretcher. That’s when the man broke his leg.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who began poking under the couch with a rolled up newspaper. He didn’t come up with anything and decided the snake had vacated during the confusion. Relieved, the woman sat down on the sofa, her hand on the cushions.
When she looked down, she saw the snake coiling around her wrist.

She screamed and fainted, and the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor’s wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband’s mouth
on the woman’s mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods,
knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the fainted woman and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bent over him,
so she assumed that the snake had bitten him, too.
She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the guy’s throat.

By now, the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the woman told them about the snake

The police called another ambulance to take away the injured neighbor and his sobbing wife.
While awaiting its arrival, the snake again crawled out from under the sofa, and one cop drew his pistol and fired at it.
He missed the snake, and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and,
as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman, trying to beat out the flames, fell through the window into the yard, stumbling over the family dog, who, startled, jumped up and raced out the door and into the street.
An oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police squad car.

Meanwhile, the other neighbors saw the burning drapes and called the fire department.
The firemen had started raising the fire ladder prematurely when they were still halfway down the street.
The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, took out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a
10-square city block area. They never did get the house fire put out.

Time passed.
Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was eventually restored.
The dog wandered back home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.
A little while later, they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for the night.
The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring their plants in for the night.

Think about that the next time you get to thinking people have a leg up on the rest of the animal kingdom.

It’s remarkable how little insight some people have.

I have this blowup, but when the temps are running in the 70s, its embarrassing.

Hallelujah!

I’m the guy who jumped out of your bedroom window when you came home early from work last Monday. When it’s convenient please return my underpants.