Democrats In Chaos After Being Forced To Do Math For First Time

Via The Babylon Bee

IOWA—The Democratic primaries have broken down into chaos after the party encountered its archnemesis head-on for the first time: basic math.

While progressives were optimistic going into the primaries, they’d forgotten that numbers, counting, and addition would be required.

“No one told us math would be involved!” said one angry Bernie Sanders voter. “We just kinda wanted them to pick our guy. We weren’t told there would be things like addition, counting, and more counting. Can’t we just win based on blind optimism, kinda like how socialism works?”

Pete Buttigieg quickly declared victory, even though votes weren’t tallied yet, as he claimed he is the morally correct choice, if not the mathematically selected one. “It’s 2020, and we’re still basing primaries on outdated concepts like counting. This is not our America.”

“We would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that pesky math!” grumbled Bernie Sanders.

For the next state primary, votes will be tallied based on heart, passion, and love, rather than confusing concepts like digits, sums, and adding 2 and 2 together.

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19 Comments
Hardscrabble Farmer
Hardscrabble Farmer
February 4, 2020 1:04 pm

Has anyone else read any of the mainstream accounts of what the problem was? It’s so pathetic it almost breaks your heart. Not one word rings true. It makes absolutely no sense why they couldn’t do what they had done in every other caucus since they first began but for some reason they are still reliant on the failed “app” to be “fixed”.

It looks like the app was designed to program the results they wanted rather than tabulating the results actually occurred and it screwed the pooch. So now they have to try and rig it in full view of everyone while hoping no one notices?

Man.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
  Hardscrabble Farmer
February 4, 2020 1:10 pm

It seems like everything is done out in the open now, knowing that they can get away with murder if they simply control the narrative, shut down the Facebook accounts, ignore the stories, etc….and they will continue to be correct….until they aren’t.

And this looks a lot like what they did to Ron Paul and Rick Santorum in the Republican race in 2012. The corrupt “leadership” is the same in both major parties.

I find it amazingly “convenient” that a week ago they began running stories of how Iowa and New Hampshire are “not diverse enough” (aka -too white) to be “allowed” to play such an important role in “picking” the candidate of the parties (as if the all white male globalists who actually pick the candidates aren’t a bigger problem….but I digress). Now, the headline on Yahoo this morning was that Iowa Caucuses were “finished” because of this fiasco and that they would never be given this early position again. How covenient.

gman
gman
  MrLiberty
February 4, 2020 2:16 pm

“Iowa Caucuses were ‘finished’ because of this fiasco”

were that the case they would have been pushing the “too white” meme before the vote.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
  gman
February 4, 2020 2:20 pm

Yes, exactly what happened. Exactly what I wrote.

Lars
Lars
  MrLiberty
February 5, 2020 6:24 am

‘…as if the all white male globalists who actually pick the candidates aren’t a bigger problem…”

Are you serious? Nearly all of the the billionaire donors to both parties are Jewish. Jews are not White.

gman
gman
  Hardscrabble Farmer
February 4, 2020 2:12 pm

” So now they have to try and rig it in full view of everyone while hoping no one notices?”

almost. they don’t care if anyone notices.

M G
M G
  Hardscrabble Farmer
February 4, 2020 3:27 pm

While it looks like a three stooges production, it might be one of those order ab chao things and the “real” Democrat candidate will be a dark-skinned, matronly woman who knows how to give away free stuff and is already part of the blackwash.

Justista
Justista
  Hardscrabble Farmer
February 4, 2020 6:50 pm

“Has anyone else read any of the mainstream accounts of what the problem was?”

Democrats

Mrs. Ptacek
Mrs. Ptacek
February 4, 2020 1:10 pm

Excuses, excuses. Even the d-rats have 10 fingers and 10 toes-what’s so hard about counting?

gman
gman
  Mrs. Ptacek
February 4, 2020 2:13 pm

“what’s so hard about counting?”

nothing. what’s hard is getting the desired outcome no matter what.

gman
gman
February 4, 2020 2:09 pm

“For the next state primary, votes will be tallied based on heart, passion, and love, rather than confusing concepts like digits, sums, and adding 2 and 2 together.”

I’m reminded of those lines from atlas shrugged – “notice how he expects you to feel a causeless love. notice how he doesn’t expect you to feel a causeless fear.” cuffy meigs with a rabbit’s foot in his pocket and a gun on his hip.

DinCO
DinCO
  gman
February 5, 2020 10:15 am

Atlas Shrugged should be required reading of all high school seniors (The ones that dropped out before their senior year wouldn’t understand it, anyway), followed by a study of WHY she wrote what she did, living through the Russian Revolution and its aftermath.

TN Patriot
TN Patriot
February 4, 2020 2:25 pm

Errbody no dat maff be hard!

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
  TN Patriot
February 4, 2020 3:08 pm

They can’t even figure out that the cost of the New Green Deal at $93Trillion, is beyond the ability to be paid for……EVER.

Htos1av
Htos1av
February 4, 2020 4:04 pm

“HEY! Who’s supposed to be in charge of spin???”

LMAO!

Frank Johnson
Frank Johnson
February 4, 2020 6:23 pm

Kind of like the multibillion dollar Obama care roll out, can the democrats do anything right? Answer, NO!???

gman
gman
February 4, 2020 7:03 pm

a preview of how they intend to run the country.

Ray
Ray
February 5, 2020 12:55 am

You mean rithmetic