Nation’s Bernie Supporters Frantically Cobble Together Makeshift Rafts To Paddle To Utopian Cuba

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—After Bernie Sanders praised elements of Cuba’s totalitarian regime, the presidential candidate’s loyal supporters scrambled to cobble together makeshift rafts so they could paddle over to Cuba to experience the Communist island’s renowned literacy programs, medical care, and other social services.

Desperate refugees clung to anything that would float as they attempted to sail across the Gulf and get to the idyllic paradise of Cuba.

“We just have to get over there,” said one “Bernie Bro” as he fashioned a raft out of discarded plastic straws. “I for one want to experience Cuba’s literacy program so I can finally read a book. And I’ve heard that their healthcare is the best in the world, as long as you’re among the elite. Which, I’m sure I’ll be accepted as the elite and not one of the peasants, since I’m from a wealthy, capitalist nation like America.”

The Bernie Bro feared he had made a mistake as his iPhone dropped out of cell range a few hundred feet from shore, but it was too late to turn back.

Sadly, once the Bernie supporters had gone through Cuba’s literacy program, they were able to read a history book and learn how bad socialism is, so they were forced to cobble together rafts to come back to America.

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Anonymous
Anonymous

If they give me some time, I will make them some logs.

Anonymous
Anonymous

upon arriving at the shore of Cuba, the Bernie-Bros were forced at gun point to listen to Greta for 2 hours, yelling “how dare you”. After this there were 2 doors from which to choose from:

One door was labeled “Paradise”, and if you entered this, you were immediately castrated, and put to work as a Bernie-Bitch

The other door was labeled “Return to Sender” and if you entered this, you were immediately boarded to a cruise ship headed for a Chinese i-phone factory.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty

Impossible. There is not enough talent in ALL OF THEM put together, to ever fashion anything that would ever float for 90 miles. Not even if they watched a YouTube video over and over and over.

ILuvCO2
ILuvCO2

Tiger shark food.

Tom MacGyver
Tom MacGyver

I know it’s satire, but it’s also believable!

My take; if you like socialism and communism so much, move to a socialist or communist country!

Anonymous
Anonymous

Still waiting for the likes of Cher and all the other morons with big mouths to be the first to leave for good.

Two if by sea, Three if from within thee
Two if by sea, Three if from within thee

Why not a “hot-air” balloon?

TN Patriot
TN Patriot

There certainly would be no shortage of fuel and without burning any carbon.

niebo
niebo

Yay!!

Bob
Bob

Where to we go to sign up to help build them?

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