CHICAGO, IL—Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot protected the citizens of Chicago yesterday by arresting a 7-year-old having a birthday party.
The mayor reportedly jumped in her car and drove over toward the boy’s house, waving at looters, rioters, and murderers as she passed. Bricks, Molotov cocktails, and hand grenades flew over her car as she hurtled down the streets of Chicago, careening down alleyways and ripping through parking lots to get to the illegal party.
“Drop the cake and put your hands behind your head,” Lightfoot said. “Nice and easy — you’re coming with me.”
“The streets are now safe,” Lightfoot said as she led the boy to a Chicago PD squad car. “The citizens of Chicago can rest easy knowing that unlawful gatherings like this party are being broken up.”
“We feel much safer now that this maniac is behind bars,” said one Chicagoan as he hid in his house from looters. “I was really worried when I heard that a few people were gathering for a party. Now I know we’re safe.”
“We were concerned she was coming to take us down,” said one looter as he threw a brick into the window of a Target. “But she just passed us right on by. She definitely has her priorities in the right place.”
On her way back from arresting the youngster, Lightfoot pulled over to lecture a rioter who wasn’t wearing a mask. Once he had put his mask back on, she told him to go about his business.
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Corruption coming home to roost in Chicongo. Nice to see it. To bad the people who profited the most can leave.
Chicongo. Loved it the first time I saw it used on that POS city.
I just hope that ugly, Wendell Borton looking, lesbian jigaboo sees this from the Babylon Bee.
This has to be a big fat lie.
This is the true story, from which the satire was drawn.
Did not get a lot of attention due to obama being there.
https://www.breitbart.com/crime/2020/08/10/chicago-mayor-lori-lightfoot-gay-beach-party-downtown-looting/
I actually thought this was a real story before I saw the BEE byline. Still more likely to be accurate than anything the mainstream is publishing.
this is a story about black female prosecutors but it could just as well be about mayors–
the poor dears are being persecuted & picked on b/c they are women of color–
Allowing the BurnLootMurder, Antifa and anarchists to have free reign in destroying the Magnificent Mile should be plenty enough reason to have this creepy and dangerous critter removed from office.
The queer midget moron mayor of Chicongo is an enema of the people.
You mean to tell me niggers are mayors now? No wonder we’re so fucked. Yankee fools. After the War I let my slaves go but most stayed on as sharecroppers – one of ’em – Cookie I called him, stayed at the house -made the best Goddam squirrel stew you ever had! I always liked Cookie – but I wouldn’t want him for mayor!
One has increasing difficulty separating satire from reality in 2020 America.Probably healthier to laugh either way.