As you know, this election is the most important election in our lifetimes. Experts say it may even be the most important election since the formation of the universe over 6,000 years ago!
Experts also say that if your candidate loses and the other candidate wins, democracy and freedom will be destroyed for all of eternity. The only way to stop the apocalypse is to vote as hard as you can and totally own the other side!
To ensure success on voting day, be sure to follow these important tips:
- Call Mark Zuckerberg on the phone to ensure you’re at the right voting place.
- Binge-watch Sean Hannity and Rachel Maddow the night before so you’ll be fully informed.
- Look for any candidate with an “R” next to their name and vote for him so Jesus won’t cry.
- Look for any candidate with a “D” next to their name and vote for them to end racism forever.
- Make sure and write the correct answers on your arm so you can refer to them while voting.
- Remember, not voting is the same as being a member of Antifa or the KKK.
- Bring extra Hydroxychloroquine with you and pass it out to everyone so you can all stay safe!
- Cough all over your ballot so Russian agents won’t touch it and tamper with it.
- Go into the voting booth with your wife to make sure you approve of her choice.
- If you are a Calvinist, close your eyes and vote for random people to place it all in God’s hands.
- Host a MAGA tailgate party outside the polling station, even if you’re a Biden voter. Biden parties are lame.
- If you are made to wait in line for any length of time, scream “VOTER SUPPRESSION!” at the top of your lungs.
- Take the time to listen to a woman of color and ask how she would vote— like Candace Owens
- Don’t let the post office deliver your ballot. Instead, hand-deliver your ballot directly to President Trump.
- Bring a basin of water so you can wash your hands after voting like Pontius Pilate
- Pray. Or don’t, whatever, it’s cool. You do you!
We hope you find this guide beneficial. Now it’s time to vote and save our democracy from the evil other half of the country! Go get ’em champ!
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It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
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To donate via Stripe, click here.
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Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
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Auntie is so disappointed; the guide did not mention a San Fransicko Progtard vote treat – taking a shit in the polling place, preferably right in the booth.
Allowing the folks to feel right at home.
Is the report-a-shit app still a thing?
All this doom and gloom is starting to get to me.
And now, the Menage A Trois Silk SoftRed Blend is starting to take effect.
It’s time for some humor, dammit.
Gracias, from the GOC’s blog today.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said: ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,”he said.
“Very good” Who said: ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth’?”
Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”
“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing. “Let’s try one a bit more difficult. Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?”
Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Little Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “F___ the Japs.”
“Who said that? I want to know right now!” …she angrily demanded.
Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.
“The teacher glares around and asks, “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost mob hysteria, someone said, “You little shit! If you say anything else, I’ll kill you!”
Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.”
The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re screwed!”
Little Akio said quietly, “The American public if Joe Biden gets elected.”
…stay thirsty, my friends.
Cheers!
“Write in None of the Above…as that is the BEST candidate for the job.”
Oh noooo…that’d mean we’d have to govern ourselves in our own communities like real Americans.
‘Member that one time? When David Thompson scored 73 points in the last game of the season in Detroit? That was awesome! 🙂
” IRAN AND RUSSIA ARE INTERFERING WITH OUR ELECTION ”
– Christopher Wray, FBI Director
the Romans called it “Creating your enemies”