SACRAMENTO, CA—Gavin Newsom has announced a plan to go undercover as a turkey to catch families who are celebrating Thanksgiving this year.
Newsom will dress in a large turkey costume and infiltrate family gatherings, checking to make sure families aren’t violating any of his orders.
The governor participated in a trial run of his plan, infiltrating a mock Thanksgiving dinner at the governor’s sprawling mansion estate. “Gobble gobble,” Newsom said as he casually slipped in through the door. “Gobble? Gobble!” He tried to blend in with the Thanksgiving decorations set throughout the room as he monitored guests to make sure they were social distancing, logging into the family’s Thanksgiving dinner sign-in sheet, and not sharing any food.
Unfortunately, Newsom broke character when he saw someone double-dip a chip, screaming, “YOU’RE OFFENDING SCIENCE!!!” and the plot was foiled.
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Satire maybe. This guy has as many brain cells to rub together as a mushroom.
Seriously.
He’s a gobbler all right.
A 3 1/2” 12 ga load of #2 shot is what that turkey deserves.
And roasted; in an oven; for at least 12 hours at 325 degrees F. No aluminum tent and no basting.
Then taken outside and left for bears, buzzards or whatever else would dare eat that rotten stinking carcass, but fully cooked to get rid of any germs.
Auntie wouldn’t want any nice critters getting sick.
I don’t have an oven that big, but could dig a hole and fill it with oak to get a nice hot fire. Or could just save the oak and plant the turkey with some endangered plants on top.