‘Ask Not What Your Country Is’: The Biden Inaugural Address

Guest Post by Ann Coulter

'Ask Not What Your Country Is': The Biden Inaugural Address

I’m not at liberty to reveal my sources, but I have obtained a draft of President Joe Biden’s inaugural address. (Trump, unfortunately, won’t be there to hear it. He will be holding a competing rally at RFK Stadium, also starting at 12 noon on Jan. 20.)

EXCLUSIVE CONTENT! MUST CREDIT COULTER!

Ladies and gentlemen, members of the fairer sex, the unfair sex, the transgenders, queers, what have you.

Women and gentlemen!

I’ve known women — my wife, my sister — no, that’s my wife! I mean my wife over here. The fat one.

I mean: The fact is, they switched on me!

Anyway, standing here today on the steps of the capitol of Wilmington — I should say, standing here today on the steps of the Capitol in the state of Washington, as we do every year, we have this peaceful transfer of power — I should say, every four years.

Which is a Big F—ing Deal! I used to say that to Barack all the time.

I see him out there! He’s the articulate, bright and clean one.

As I was coming over here on this brisk June day, I started thinking, why is it that Joe Biden is the first in his family ever to go to a university? My ancestors, Welsh coal miners, would come up after 12 hours underground and play cricket for hours. Were they not smart? Were they not strong, mate?

And so, as I look out at this wonderful crowd — what’s that from the fella in the back? You say I’m not Welsh and my father was a Chevrolet dealer in Wilmington?

Listen, you lying dog-faced pony soldier — I have a much higher I.Q. than you do! I went to law school on a full academic scholarship and ended up in the top half of my class. I got three degrees in college and was voted the “outstanding student” in the political science department.

What I mean to say is that it was a financial scholarship, I wasn’t voted the “outstanding student,” and I was only in the top half of the bottom 10 students.

No, I haven’t taken an I.Q. test. Why the hell would I take a test? Come on, man. That is like saying you — did you take a test whether you’re taking cocaine or not? What do you think? Are you a junkie?

Look, folks, kids today have advantages I didn’t have. Their parents play the radio, make sure they have the record player on at night. My parents couldn’t play the record player. They were in the mines.

And I remember my pop, a Chevrolet dealer in Wilmington, telling me in 1962, as I was going off to work at an African American swimming pool — we called them “African Americans” back then — and we saw two guys kissing each other. He said to me: “Joey, they love each other.”

I shouldn’t say it. I’m going to say something I probably shouldn’t say …

Anyway, today, I stand before you to announce my candidacy for president of the United States!

Wait — I won! That’s a Big F—ing Deal, as I used to say to Barack.

Oh look! Here’s the guy from Burisma! Good to see you, man! Look, the Biden administration will be monitoring Kiev prosecutors like you’ve never seen before. Clean government in Ukraine will be the No. 1 priority of my administration. When I’m president, this country won’t be cozying up to the totalitarian regimes of Poland and Hungary. It’s gonna stop with us.

I shouldn’t say it. I’m going to say something I probably shouldn’t say …

Anyway, on this crisp September day, I vow to you we’ll not only have a Green New Deal, but a Purple New Deal, a Yellow New Deal, a LBGTQXYZ New Deal — a whole rainbow of New Deals!

You have my word as a Biden, folks.

Anyway, as I stand here in the rotunda — I mean the steps of the Capitol — just as the great Democratic president Franklin Delano … uh, I should say, as FDR did — well, he wasn’t standing because he couldn’t stand.

And to all of you in wheelchairs, you don’t need to stand either! Oh, God love you! What am I talking about? I’ll tell you what, we’re making everybody else stand up, though. Let’s give the wheelchair-bound a big round of applause!

Look folks, as FDR said, we hold these truths to be self-evident … You bet and corn pop. Pop goes the weasel! And I’m your pop, as I always say to Hunter. I’m your pop, but I’m not a weasel, pal.

As we celebrate this peaceful transition — oh, I see Adam Schiff out in the crowd! As I always say, he reminds me of my son, Hunter.

Whoa — I almost forgot, let’s give a big hand to my vice president … Anita Hill!

What am I talking about? Anita ain’t black!

Everybody give a big hand to my vice president … Cardi B!

Oh sorry, buddy — my vice president, Al Sharpton!

But I promise you, Cardi and Anita and Al and Stacey and Jesse will all have positions in my Cabinet.

That’s cabinet, not cabin, folks. Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” and, as she always said: “We hold these truths to be self-evident.” I know this because I got three degrees in college and was voted the “outstanding student” in the political science department.

I should say, I wasn’t actually voted the “outstanding student,” but it was an honor just to be nominated.

Anyway, I never served with John F. Kennedy — but he was no Dan Quayle! He said, “Ask your country to do things for you. Ask or not! The choice is yours.”

I’m pro-choice, although I’m personally opposed. But the important thing is, it’s your choice!

And so as I stand here today, asking for your vote — hold on! — you gave me your vote! That’s why I’m here, man!

This is a Big F—ing Deal, as I used to always say to Barack. Good night and God bless. Wear a mask!

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Glock-N-Load

Bwahahahahabababababa

CCRider
CCRider

Come on, Ann! You know…..the thing.

nkit
nkit

comment image

MTD
MTD

God forbid that Biden wins, but if so, any guesses on how long it will take before he “has a stroke” or some other officially debilitating health issue that allows Kammy to take the reins? And who would be chosen as the new VP?

Auntie Kriest
Auntie Kriest

AOC? Pete Buttplug? Huma Abedin?

nkit
nkit

Hildebeast…

Just Thinking
Just Thinking

Which would certainly shorten her life span.

3 presidents in one month.

Would that be 46, 47 and 48?

Or just 46, 46.1 and 46.2?

TN Patriot
TN Patriot

I don’t think Kameltoe has a death wish.

Auntie Kriest
Auntie Kriest

TN P is right on the $$$$$$$$$$$

She shall do whatever she is directed to do*:

*Dealey Plaza Program AKA Zapruder Briefing.

TN Patriot
TN Patriot

AOC is too young. Buttgig or Beta Boy would fit nicely and would not pose a problem for Kameltoe.

Crawfisher
Crawfisher

What does that say about Democrat Socialist voters plus the Never Trumpers?
It says voters will elect a ring tailed monkey if told to do so. Our country is screwed.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Damn, Craw, thanks for the idea: I’m putting “Ring Tailed Monkey” in the write in space at the bottom of my ballot.

Two if by sea. Three if from within thee.
Two if by sea. Three if from within thee.

It worked in Rome, didn’t it?

TN Patriot
TN Patriot

He will be forced to resign or the dirty laundry we have been seeing the past week will finally make it to the major media. He would not see March 1.

Anonymous
Anonymous

He’ll ride off into the sunset and Dr. Jill will be in charge of evaluating the bids for the Biden Presidential Library.

Saxons Wrath
Saxons Wrath

About 3 days, if that long, to be “incapacitated”, and Kameltoes replacement will be either Piglosi or HIldebeast.
Although Kameltoe has to know that she will either be “arkancided” or have a similar fate happpen to her like sleepy Joe, god rest his dementia-addled soul.

Auntie Kriest
Auntie Kriest

This sure sounds like a whole shit-pile of standard J. Biden’s usual malarkey to Auntie.

Henry Ford
Henry Ford

And also from Old Joey, “Ja beezsh an ajusta norewam. Zank ya.”

Panzerlied

Ann had me when she said she was opposed to women voting, good for her.

RiNS

… weirdly enuf, maybe a Biden Presidency might not be so bad after all, well that is, as long as GOP maintains control of Senate. The Big Guy would provide 4 years of popcorn ready entertainment for the chumps he has been so quick to dismiss.

Joe Biden must be so proud today finding out that his son Hunter is a porn star on the interwebs…

HUGE BREAKING EXCLUSIVE: Hunter Biden Has a PornHub Account Where He Uploaded His Personal Porn – Including with Family Member

Maybe add this to acceptance speech…

But Folks… Look.. it’s okay! Look.. ma son was only banging ma step grand daughter, and taping it for PornHub, cuz Hunter wanted to empower her.. Ain’t he so Progressive.. ain’t he an upstanding man!

So Folks.. I promise you this…there’s No Malarkey here!. No sirree, it’s clear!

Besides they ain’t really related. she ain’t blood, and ma grand daughter was willing. If ya know whatta mean. And you ain’t real if you can’t vote for that…. Besides they grows up so quick these days, cut hunter some slack!

Come on Man!

And for y’all who are still a bit squeamish. This road has been covered before. Folks…Hunter was just having sexual relations with that 14 a year old woman. And can ya blame him. And folks….nuthin to see here folks.

Besides its still on Pornhub, Hunter’s, for once, doing it for free!
Annnd Folks Trust Me, hasn’t Bill Clinton already flown over that.

Annnnnnnd folks you can trust me, really.
Cuz I should know, she does have a nice ass!

So let’s Build Back Better
Y’all throw me a bone.
and I’ll leave ya alone
or its off to FEMA camps

I’ll be a Demented Grandpa
As long as y’all do that

But one moar thing.. before I go!
For ma afternoon nap…

Folks!

Quit bothering Hunter
He’s got cracks to smoke.
If you know what I mean!
Come On Man!

Stucky

You’re on a roll, Rinny!!! Good stuff, man!

From the link you provided;

“We know this is Hunter’s account and one of the reasons is because of the screen shot below where one of his pages bookmarked is ‘Joe Biden Smiling’.”

Hunter Biden used the Biden name in his Porn Hub account??? Are you fucken kidding me??

Fukmedead, that dipshit is dumber than can be imagined.

RiNS

Dumb as three buckets of shit. No wonder ol’ Joe is demented…. that Apple rotted in the tree!

RiNS

The Magmun Rimfire suits you..

Just sayin’

None Ya Biz
None Ya Biz

Would that be a rim shot?

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