I, Stucky, am a white male Boomer … a racist from birth. (A must read). This is the sad and tragic story of my White Privilege.
Things got off to a bad start even before I was born. My parents were married in Austria (a racist country). That’s not them above. They are just another Austrian white couple … just like my parents. My parents never saw a black person until they came to America. But, instead of vacationing in Berchtesgaden they could have gone to the Congo, taking some Apfel Strudel to a poor Negro. They did not. This makes them racist. I wish one of my parents were black.
That’s me, just moments before my conception. So damned Lilly white! I wish I wasn’t the best swimmer in the bunch. But, if I recall correctly, all my brothers and sisters were white also. At least they’re dead now.
Me, getting an award from my Onkel Adolph. He was the best Sunday School teacher ever. Or, so I thought. He taught a lot about virtues such as purity and that Austria should be for Austrians. I now know that’s racist. But, Muhammad Ali said —> “Listen, bluebirds fly with bluebirds. Red birds fly wanna be with red birds. But there’d certainly be problems a buzzard mating with a sparrow, wouldn’t there?” This is not considered racist. Because Ali is black. That last sentence was probably a racist observation by me.
I could read before entering first grade. Mom read me stories every day. I still have the book she read to me, Der Struwwelpeter.In the story pictured above, “Die Geschichte von den schwarzen Buben” (“The Story of the Black Boys”), a feller named “Nikolas” catches three boys messing with a Negro. So, he teaches them a lesson — by dipping them in black ink and turns them into goose-stepping Negros! “Oh, why momma, why did you do this to me??
Momma read me LOTS of books. All of them I realize, now that I am sufficiently Woke, were out and out racially insensitive; Dr. Seuss, — Little House On The Prairie, — All books about Injuns, — Peter Pan, — Dr. Doolittle, — Willy Wonka, …. that’s just for starters. Then there’s;
Bread and Jam for Frances, Frog and Toad, Blueberries for Sal, One Morning in Maine, Heidi, The Cricket in Times Square, Lyle Lyle Crocodile, Stuart Little, Babar, Sylvester and the Magic Pebble, The Secret Garden, The Little Princess. For starters …
Oh, I left out “The Story of Little Black Sambo”. DUH!! Although, I must say, even as a child I should have slapped momma upside the head for teaching me the alphabet via the book pictured above (incest, a game the whole family can play). You wouldn’t believe it if I told you how I memorized the letter “N”!
I went to a Catholic School (St. Peter’s) in Newark, NJ. That’s because my parents weren’t to keen with me going to a government school “mit die Schwartzen“. Really. Almost all nuns wear that penguin outfit. Did my nuns? Noooo, they went with that Catholic KKK option. The nun who ran the joint, I believe her last name was “Superior“. All the other nuns would culturally appropriate colorful Negro slang (I think that’s what it was) by calling her “Mother“.
How did class start every damned day? With a racist act! Did you know The The Pledge Of Allegiance has an “ugly history“, with its “origins in white nationalism“, was written in 1891 to “commemorate the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus” (a turrible Eye Talian bigot), and was written by the author, Pastor Francis Bellamy, to stop “every dull-witted and fanatical immigrant” from getting citizenship? Oh, see that picture of George Washington? Slave owning racist!! And that picture of Abraham Lincoln? Yup, slave owning racist!
There were exactly two Negro kids in the entire school. Not my class, upperclassmen. Fifth grade, I believe. Big kids. Maybe 15 or 16 years old. I didn’t know them at all. My only interaction with them was overhearing them on the school playground. For the longest time I thought her name was “Yobitch“, and his name was “Niggah“. That’s exactly how it went down! Indeed, my very first expose to “nigger” was by a Negro. That’s not racist. “Nigger” is only racist when a white person says it. I know this is confusing. I’m sorry.
Unfortunately, there are many things we white racists need to learn. This fine lady of color (I think that’s the appropriate term today) can teach you what blacks want you to do. (A must read.)
I loved school! I hated school! I loved my three favorite subjects; religion, spelling, and geography. I hated my least favorite subject, math. And no wonder. Math is racist!! Deep in the subconscious recesses of my Austrian neurons I somehow knew that the multiplication tables (I especially loathed those damned racist 8’s and 9’s) where nothing but a bunch of Hate Symbols of Whiteness run amuck towards Blacks, Mexicans, Native Americans, Canadians and all other oppressed peoples of the world!
For example; learning math in a linear fashion with skills taught in sequence, knowing the steps to calculate fractions, showing your work, asking students to raise their hands to be called on, the very idea of right answers ….. all of it, from Archimedes to Einstein … just a White Plan to stick it to Da Man. Meanwhile, that Chinese first grader doing math in the above picture? I have a feeling she’ll be YOUR boss someday.
Saturday was the best day of all, Fun Day at the movies. For fifty cents I got to see two movies, plus a cartoon, plus popcorn and a soda … and a nickle left over! But, alas, even the simple joys of a kid watching a movie wasn’t what it appeared to be. It was more like an extension of school, or even a prelude to church; if Spike Lee made a movie about my movie-going proclivities he’d call it “When White Kids Go Batshit Crazy“.
From 30 Comedy Movies That couldn’t Be Made Today I learned that “Airplane” — one of the funniest movies of all time — is racist (see above video). From the 50 Most Racist Movies I learned that “Planet Of The Apes” — one of the best SciFi movies of all time — is not a deep allegory about race, politics, and power but, rather, it’s about “light-skinned apes commanding thuggish dark-skinned apes as fearful whiteys cower in terror.” I learned that “Green Mile” is not about love, redemption, and forgiveness but, rather, about a black “docile, bumbling buffoon incapable of doing anything but easing the lives of (and raping) white people.”
Who knew? How could I know?? Don’t you see I’m an innocent victim,man??!!! I’m crying here, the Tears of a Clown. It’s a Dark Friday,folks ….
… but, Sunday’s a comin’! Surely, in the House of God, I will find refuge and strength, a reprieve from Satan’s world, an ever present help, a soothing balm for my weary soul, a fellowship of saints and sinners, where all are beggars helping other beggars find a seat at God’s banquet table.
Surely, the Lion of Judah, the King of Kings, the Humble Servant who dined with thieves and tax collectors and whores …. surely, he won’t mind the color of my skin. Not so!! Christianity has a “White Supremacy Problem”! Who knew? How could I know?
This Love Letter From a Black Preacher to the Whitest Denomination in the US tells me that; “Jesus is Trayvon Martin, armed only with a bag of Skittles and an iced tea against an entire world that would rather hang him from a tree than love him. Until we see this, we are lost.” Imagine my anger at my nuns for not letting me know how lost I am until I first found Trayvon Martin. Scandalous!
You can’t imagine how delighted I was — Praise The Lord!! — to know the answers to all the racial inequities in America. That is to say; the Demon Of Smugness must be exorcised off those white Christian faces! Only then can all be well with my soul. Let me be blunt, just this once: stop thinking Christianity is superior to other religions!!— May Some God Bless America!
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So, there you have it. A summary of my formative years; from birth to parents to education to entertainment to church … the years which shape a boy to become a man.
You can see, can’t you, that I never stood a chance. My journey into White Privilege was baked in the cake even in my pre-spermatoza existence. I am a man to be pitied above all men.
Weep for me. Pray with me.
I cover myself with sackcloth and ashes.
I pray for forgiveness.
I am truly sorry for being White.
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BONUS SECTION #1: MY ADULT YEARS
11 MOAR THINGS I LEARNED WHICH ARE RACIST ….. WITH MINIMAL COMMENTARY.
FONTS ARE RACIST (according to CNN)
EVERGREEN TREES ARE RACIST (because, lynchings)
“Cold weather is racist. Cold weather racially profiles, segregates, gentrifies, colonizes, appropriates and is responsible for (at least) 90 percent of the unseasoned meats brought to company potlucks this month. It also possesses a changing agent that somehow makes black people even blacker.”
(Because the solar eclipse’s path was most prevalent in places less inhabited by black Americans – that’s sufficient reason to slam it as racist. I am not making this stuff up!!!!)
AIR IS RACIST (because Whites pollute it, and Blacks have to breathe it)
(Do you have mail delivered to your doorstep? Do you have a dog? Does your dog bark at the mailman? Is the mailman black? You have a racist dog!!)
STEVE MARTIN’S “KING TUT” IS EGREGIOUS CULTURAL APPROPRIATION!!
ALL OF WESTERN PHILOSOPHY IS RACIST
THE WHITE CLIFFS OF DOVER ARE RACIST
“The fact that these cliffs are called ‘white’ stands as a racially-insensitive reminder of white privilege and white dominance in a country where many people are Black or Minority Ethnic. Why should marginalized people have to utter the name of the race that oppresses them in order to refer to a geological feature?”
Lastly, if you like charts, click on this from Business Inside …
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BONUS SECTION #2: TWO MUSIC VIDEOS
This video, “Real Niggah Role Call“, is NOT Racist. (Even though they rap “niggah” 149 times.)
Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus” IS racist. ( Black Scholars Confront White Supremacy In Classical Music will ‘splain why.)
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FINAL SECTION: VERY DEEP THOUGHTS
When everything is “X”, then nothing is “X”. It’s like this: if every animal is a cat, then there can be no thing which is a not-cat. If every fruit is an apple, then nothing is a not-apple. If you tell your precious little offspring that everything is hot, then they will never know what hot really is … and they will burn themselves.
The very nature and subjectivity regarding the current usage of the term ‘racist’ has rendered it utterly meaningless. Until logic and reasoning is re-applied to the term, the current level of discourse spewing from the mouths of hysterical race-baiters will only serve to make matters exponentially worse for everybody.
In closing, if everything is racist, then nothing is racist.
ME, REALIZING I AM NOT A RACIST
I AM NOT SORRY FOR BEING WHITE!
(Even though Merriam-Websters now states it is impossible to not be a racist. Yup. NOT being racist … IS being racist. Humanity is doomed, folks.)
Congrats Stucky! – you got featured and rightly so – a fine exposition of a lively and rewarding childhood not unlike my own except I loved science – math not so much. We white Boomers can all celebrate our good fortune to have been born in an era of at least some marginal sanity in education and life skills. And no persons of colour to darken our enjoyment.
The visible threat of total nuclear annihilation allowed the 1960s to be carefree and rewarding, for me – “live now for tomorrow we die” attitude; fear had no part in it, contrary to what one would expect.
Now the invisible enemy is omnipresent with no way to protect ourselves we are being told – and the scam lives on with more than half the global population quivering in horror and fear, locked down in a society about to explode. Ah well, I am grateful for my good fortune – it’s been a grand life.
Thanks, Peter! Nice to see you weigh in! Now, if only HF would stop by but, he’s been ignoring me for months now.
I ALWAYS appreciate when Admin decides to make one of my articles “featured”. Always. I never take it for granted and when it does happen, I get a thrill up my leg. Really.
Funny thing about growing up in the Boomer era …. at the time of living in the age of hippies it didn’t feel as wonderful as it does looking back now. There was the Vietnam war, Kent State, riots all over the place, global cooling (yes, that was the thing back then), drugs, Russia!!!!, and a whole bunch of other crap going on. It wasn’t all peaches and cream.
Hey Stucky, I called your phone weekly for months when you were AWOL without a single pickup, I’ve emailed without response, and I think I may be the only one who actually came and visited you in person.
Who’s avoiding who?
And you know quite well how I feel all about this kind of thing, I just don’t dwell on it because it’s out of my control.
“If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along, so they may abuse you, leaving it disturbed and troubled — have you no shame in that?”
— Epictetus
Shit. I am very sorry.
No worries.
All I know is that I am out in da sun everyday gettin lots a sun…so I be black when the reparations come. I iz also learning my Ebonics.
It’s PC to say “People of Color” but not PC to say “Colored People” so what the hell is the difference between the two?
What’s the difference between “People of Color” and “Colored People”???
Ohmigawd. That’s like asking the difference between ‘Venetian blind’ and ‘blind Venetian’!
I hope Maggie gets #200.
I’ve long had this idea that I’d like to present to any and all black persons in this country; the idea would be more a question and it is this: Just imagine there happened to be a time machine where you could go back in time and were able to prevent your ancestors from ever getting on that slave ship which means they would have stayed in Africa and avoided the life as a slave but which also means you would have being born in Africa instead of America. Would you chose a life in Africa to save your ancestors the life as a slave OR would you NOT stop them, allow them to go ahead and get on that ship and suffer their fate as a slave so that you would eventually be born in America. Which would you choose?
That’s a very interesting question, for sure. I would bet that damn near 100% would opt to get on that slave ship.
Let me turn that question around towards YOU. Your ancestors came from somewhere else. Would you prefer they stayed there?
Not trying to be a smart ass. But, considering what America is becoming, I think it’s a legit question.
Me? I’m beginning to think my parents staying in Austria would have been a better choice. Well, fukit, too late now.
I am somewhat saddened this did not reach 200 before becoming featured-less. This makes entry #199.
Please let Maggie, err, Ghost-whatever, make the 200th entry! Other than her Bunny Balls, this is all she has to live for. Go, Maggie!!!
200. Hah!!!!
As is the norm, the rich get richer. Nevertheless, congrats, sir.
Well, at least MagsGhost has a bunch of bunny testicles to comfort her. She coulda been a contender!!
yesterday, i couldn’t even spell raciest.
today, i are one.